


Embrace

by xenelle055



Category: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - All Media Types
Genre: M/M, Other, Turtlecest
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-02-19
Updated: 2015-04-19
Packaged: 2018-03-13 18:15:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 24
Words: 50,167
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3391394
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xenelle055/pseuds/xenelle055
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The rockstar Raphael is still on going to his career. One time, his band bumped into a newbie band, only to learn that the person he bumped on is his dead partner... Or supposed to be.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Always With Me, Always With You

**Author's Note:**

> Embrace (TMNT) BAND AU  
> Chapter 1: Always With Me, Always With You by Joe Satriani  
> . Yes, it's instrumental.
> 
> Note/Warning: Tcest (RxD, LxM], Rock band stuff, OOC-ness, tragic stuff, mature stuff, music will vary on degrees  
> With references to the Zelda fanfic, "Always with Me, Always with You" (Link of Prototype)
> 
> Inspired from AmorTortuga's Time To Pretend fanfic!
> 
> Guys, welcome to my Embrace remake! This came from my old original story which was emo-ish, full of anger and revenge. But this show my love to rock music, dancing and stuff. I followed the original format in the past fandoms but it's left unfinished. This one, I revised the story and actually finished the plot. I decided to write this because I still hold up to my dream of rocking out there. There is a reason why this is titled Embrace, beside the fact this is an album name of one of my favorite bands.
> 
> All the rock songs here are my favorites and the cover art of the chapters may or may not be doodles (Or there will be none at all).
> 
> Edit: I always wanted to see Raph rocking off and playing those riffs! XD

Always With Me, Always With You - Joe Satriani

He stared at the vast, dark sky as intense riffs are crying from his guitar. He loved this song whenever he played it for him. He can still remember when he first saw him, his eyes reflecting so much admiration and just enjoying the music he played. It was a tribute song for his favorite guitarist. If they were a one sappy couple, this will be their song. It’s perfect, it has no lyrics but the melody really brings out the whole song. He swept through the frets, moving his fingers fast like its dancing. It returned to normal pace when the high notes are done. He should be smoking now while sitting on his veranda. He should be drinking beer and be wasted. But he didn’t have the guts to touch that narcotic stick nor that alcoholic drink.  
Many guitarists loved this song. His co-guitarist Link of Prototype dedicated this to his brother who died while he dedicated this to his lover.

The high pitched noise disturbed his slumber. He turned around to cover his ears with his pillow but no avail. He grumpily picked his cellphone and just grunted when he answered.

“Raph, where are you?! We’re supposed to meet Mikey fifteen minutes ago!” he distanced the phone a little, it’s so obvious his vocalist is irate.  
“Hmph… I’m coming… Geez…” Raph grunted once more as he rolled off to the edge of his bed and pulled all of his strength to get up.  
“Come on, Raph! We are supposed to settle Mikey’s new band as the front act for our gig!”  
“Then, they should be the one waiting. They’re the ones who needed the slot.”Raph said as he is still half asleep, trying to get some jeans and shirt.

“One! This is official business.” Leo continued to ramble as Raph just rolled his eyes, put it on loud speak and tossed the cellphone to the couch for him to be able to put clothes on.  
“Two! This is Mikey, at least I convinced him to create a band of his own because he remembered-“  
“Yeah, I know.” Raph cut him off. He remembered it as well, so much it stuck on his heard and it always left him in pain. “Well, whatever. Tell Mikey I’ll be there twenty minutes tops.” He grumbled as he knew Leo will not be happy about it. The vocalist is really not amused. The lead guitarist just shut his phone and rode off with his red motorcycle.

It is weird for a rock star to be landed in an old library. The roaring engine stopped, he brought up an item that really brightened up to his dark clothes and went inside.  
“Good morning, Raphael.” The librarian greeted. The visitor just nodded as he proceeded to the study table he always goes. This girl knew what happened and gave him the liberty for that spot and this specific time in the library. She always added an hour before the opening time so he will have the privacy. She is the only one who can hear his broken state.

He stopped at a chair. It was near the section of science and technology. He can see the previous flowers and gifts are gone. He knew the librarian, who’s named Irma, cleaned it up as she said she keeps it in a box that he can retrieve it if he wanted to.  
This is the only thing he can do, that damn guardian didn’t even give any freaking address! He tried asking nearby cemeteries but they had no records! So, he decided he’ll make this one his visiting place.

This was his favorite past time to go. For Raph, it was purely boredom, to him, its paradise.

“Morning.” He smiled as he placed the bright lavenders to his chair. “Fresh flowers for my favorite nerd.” He said as he sat down beside it. “Here, I brought you a book. I know this is your favorite subject.” He pushed the blue book to the area beside the flowers. The title had connection to Acoustic Technology.  
“Sorry, I won’t be long. Leo needed me since Mikey formed a new band after these months. Seemed he found a bassist that he can get along. He missed you, you know.” He looked down. “I missed you.” He whispered. He never said any affections to him before, it’s his biggest mistake he ever did. “I knew you heard this so many times but if there is a second chance…” he sighed deeply. “I’ll make you the happiest nerd ever.”

The same roaring engine alerted Leo, who is relief he finally arrived. “Where the shell have you been?!” Leo said as Raph removed his helmet.  
“Some place.” He answered as he gets off his bike. The vocalist knew what he meant by that. In the whole band, they had a bond like brothers, even though they bicker like there is no tomorrow. Leo will not deny majority is really his fault but he didn’t deserve this much suffering. Raph knew that his atonement is never going to bring him back.

“So, where is the goof ball?” he asked as they walked, his arms stretched above his head.  
“They said they are on their way.” Leo answered.  
“See? I told you he is late as I am. I know the Mikester’s brain…” Raph smirked. “… Sort of.”  
“I told him to stay put because you’re not here yet!” Leo’s voice rose up.  
“You should have sent them in the place earlier and meet there!” he spat back.  
“They just came from Mikey’s. We are supposed to meet at the restaurant because it’s close in the studio!”  
“You really are so bad in meeting places every time- Oof!”

He bumped into someone as they turn in the corner. He is able to balance himself meanwhile the other person stumbled on the ground.

“Hey, watch it!” he looked at the fallen person.   
“Ouch…”  
His eyes widened in horror. His heart started to beat fast. Is he dreaming? He is definitely dreaming.  
“Oh! I’m so sorry! Ow…”

He talked. That soft voice. Those calm eyes. Raph started to sweat and just plain speechless.  
“Donnie! Are you alright?” he heard Mikey’s worried voice but he is still immobile. “Uhh… Yeah…” he stood up. “I’m sorry, Sir…” he apologized but he started to get confused when those green eyes just stared at him. “Sir?”

That name. Donnie.

The same name and face of his deceased lover two years ago.


	2. Agent Orange

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Embrace (TMNT) BAND AU  
> Chapter 2: Agent Orange by Slapshock
> 
> Note/Warning: Tcest (RxD, LxM], Rock band stuff, OOC-ness, tragic stuff, mature stuff, music will vary on degrees
> 
> Inspired from AmorTortuga's Time To Pretend fanfic!
> 
> I decided to name Mikey's band Agent Orange because you know the Name Master, it has connotation to Mikey himself. I read the article of the actual meaning of Agent Orange. And yes, it's what Donnie trying to explain what Agent Orange and Agent Blue actually means.
> 
> Octavarium is a 24 minute song from the band Dream Theater (I always play this whenever I took a bath or sleep in the bus and I'm done and it's still playing!)
> 
> My waifuu Erangot had a girl crush on April, especially the way I made her in this AU. And yes, she had a little crush on Donnie! 8D Two lead guitarists fighting over to the purple bassist!

God exists 360 degrees   
Like unsolved mysteries your mind's tortured by demonic beast   
It's so fatal no instrumental they hit your central nervous system   
You die without a funeral for real   
My eyes still exist with a terror   
Living without the guide of my father   
Everyday is like a war we're going through   
Agent orange man yo is coming after you  
-"Agent Orange", Slapshock

“Uhh… Raph?” Mikey asked. The lead guitarist snapped back to reality. He kept rubbing his eyes if the one he isn’t supposed to see is really real.  
And he is.  
What surprised him is Mikey just seeing this as normal. Well, he knew Mikey is a “different” normal but still! He just yanked Leo and Mikey for privacy.  
“Just stay there! Will took five minutes!” Mikey shouted as the stumbled man earlier gave thumbs up.

“WHAT. THE. ACTUAL. FUCK. MIKEY!” Raph shouted. “How the shell you’re not surprised either, Leo?!”  
“I’m surprised as you are, Raph!” Leo said.  
“Am I seeing a person I’m not supposed to see or I’m just crazy-“  
“That’s Donnie.” Mikey answered.  
“I know he’s Donnie! But why is he-“  
“Alive? I had no idea either! He just showed up with a flyer that I posted and he wanted the bassist part!”  
“It’s just… What…” Raph said as he leaned on the concrete wall with hands on his face.  
“You okay, Raph?” Leo asked. “I can’t believe it, too! That he is alive all these years!” he said and he sneered. “Now, I know the reason why you wanted to form a band.” He looked at Mikey.  
“No, I was so shocked when he showed up. I just hugged him when I learned he is living in full color!” Mikey said.  
They just stared at the shocked Raph.  
“I ain’t buying it!” he shouted. “I’m outta here!” he said and turned around.

“Isn’t this the second chance you’ve been wanting for a long time?!”

This made Raph stopped and looked at Leo.  
“He’s here, breathing, and you’re being a jerk again!” Leo said.  
“I’m not!” he spat back.  
“Then, let’s set up this front act gig so you have that chance!” Leo shouted.  
“Guys, calm down. All I can say is, let’s just give what Donnie deserved, okay? Not because of the past.” Mikey said. Raphael just sighed and grunted, crossing his arms. But they knew he is very confused.

“Sorry for the wait.” Mikey said. The new members just smiled and went on ahead to the restaurant.

While walking, April, Leo and Mikey distanced a little to talk about a private matter. They remained silent when they returned back to the group. Mikey noticed the awkwardness and the silence and took the liberty to introduce them.

“Okay, guys! So, this is Timothy, the drummer.” Mikey said.  
“I thought you’re the drummer?” Leo said.  
“Plans changed.” Mikey giggled. “And I wanted to try something else, to show that I have a better voice than a certain someone.” Mikey sneered.  
“Oh, really, huh?” Leo smirked.  
“This is April, the lead guitarist.” Mikey pointed to the orange haired girl. April just waved. For some reason, Raph felt she glared at him. “And finally, this is Donnie, the bassist.” Mikey finished, as the bassist just waved his hand sheepishly.  
It made Raph remembered, it’s the same thing Donnie did when they first met.  
“Guys, this is Leo, the vocalist of Octavarium.” Leo just smiled and greeted them. “And Raph, the lead guitarist.” They are waiting for Raph to respond, only to learn he is staring at the bassist.  
“Raph? Raph!”  
“H-huh? Oh, yeah. ‘Sup.” He said as he looked away. He can’t still get over the fact he is beside him right now. Donnie. The one he hurt and now wanting to love for so long.

“And so, we named the band “Agent Orange”!” Mikey exclaimed.  
“You know that’s a little-“ Leo said.  
“I tried explaining to him that Agent Orange is a chemical-“ Donnie said but got cut off by Mikey’s squeal.  
“But the name is so cool! I heard it in a song! It’s like when I made our band cry “Booyakasha!”” Mikey exclaimed with full burst of energy. “I suggested before that Leo’s band should be Agent Blue but they wanted Octavarium instead.” He grunted.  
“Like I said Mikey, Agent Blue is a highly acidic chemical-“ Donnie tried to explain but got cut off. “Wait, how did you know about these things?”  
“… I don’t know? It’s a pretty cool name.” Mikey said.  
“Well, we can’t resist him crying and stuff so we had no choice but to agree.” April sighed to Leo. “But we do agree it’s a catchy name.” The new band laughed after.

They arrived at the restaurant.  
“Okay, what do you guys want? My treat.” Leo said.  
“L-Leo!” Mikey said as he waving his hands. “I’ll take care of it! Just…”  
“Its okay, Mikey… This is a new day for your new band after all…” He took a quick glance at Raph still staring at the purple bassist, who is reading a book. “… We have new friends.”  
Mikey just smiled and nodded.  
“Okay… So what do you guys want?”  
“Quarter pounder burger!” Timothy said while playing his PSP.  
“I’ll have chicken burger.” April said.  
“Pizza!” Mikey exclaimed. Leo chuckled. “What about you, Raph?”  
“H-huh? Just some big burger and fries.” He said.  
“Don?”  
Donnie covered his book for a second.  
“Cheeseburger with fries, please.” He replied before opening his book again and continued to read. Raph snorted and smiled. (“Nerd as ever.”)  
Leo proceeded to the counter. “We’ll just take it out and eat at the studio. We have set up to do.” Then new band just nodded.  
Mikey noticed Raph is obviously staring at the oblivious Donnie. He knew it’s still a shock. He knew he wanted to talk to him.

But it seemed the vice versa is stronger.  
“Come on, Donnie. I know you wanted to talk to him.” Timothy whispered.  
Donnie just flushed and nudged him away.

Apparently, Leo had finished making the order. “You better go ahead, guys. I’ll wait for the order.”  
“No, Mr. Leo, if you may, Mr. Raph and I will take care of it. You go ahead and unload the things.” April said as Raph looked at her.  
“You sure?” Leo asked.  
“Yeah! Besides, Mr. Raph will help me.” She said as the others left. The red lead guitarist just leaned on the glass wall beside the counter as April is seated on the table.

“I know you know me, Raph.” She said. His eyes stared at hers. He knew this is not a happy reunion.  
“April O’Neil… His best friend.” He said.  
“… And guardian.” She continued.  
His eyes widened and flashed with mix of confusion and anger. He slammed his hands on the table and gave the deadliest stare at her.  
“YOU! You’re the one who didn’t-“  
“Donnie is very frightened at that point. So I had to bring him away from here as much as possible until he is ready. I was his guardian way before you met him.”  
“So what? You lied to his friends that he is alive after all!” his apple green eyes had hurt all over as he wanted answers after all these years.  
“What in the words ‘Very frightened’ and ‘As much as possible’ did you not understand? You better thank Donnie he wanted to be a bassist again so he went back here. It’s preferable that he will have a fresh, clean start than to meet his friends and had the potential to make his life worse. I can understand giving information to Leo and Mikey. But it’s for the best I didn’t. On the other hand, to you… You didn’t deserve it.”  
“You didn’t know what I had gone through these years! I searched everywhere for him!” he yelled, causing a commotion to the other customers. When he is aware, he breathed deeply to calm himself and caused silence for minutes.

“He had amnesia.”  
A revelation came forth as Raph just stared in disbelief, like cold water was splashed to him. No wonder Donnie is not angry at him or talking to him or even notice him! It all makes sense for now.  
“I already told Leo and Mikey in advance when we were walking earlier, seemed you are too surprised to notice.” She said while looking at the window. “But I had to tell it personally to you… Of how you changed his life. But I had to thank for it, as there is a chance he will never remember anything. For two years, no triggers are showed, even after he went here and saw his old friends. He really wanted to join Mikey’s band, which is a signal to come out of hiding.” April explained. 

The lead guitarist is still speechless. He never expected Donnie alive all these years but he didn’t expect his memory loss either! Is this the chance he’d been wanting?

“Just FYI, he is aware of his memory loss. He said he prefer to move on…”   
All in all, this is an advantage. It’s a completely new start between Donnie and him.  
“But he is a little curious to his past.” She said. “I know what you’re thinking. This is a good thing… But I wonder what he will think of you when he learned about it.”  
He did have second thoughts despite the advantage by what she said. April revealing she is a guardian took up a notch.

“Just please, continue being a douche to Donnie… Like before.” April said as she went ahead and took the bags with the food. “Make Donnie hurt… And I’ll make you swallow your guitar.”


	3. Come Together

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Embrace (TMNT) BAND AU  
> Chapter 3: Come Together by The Beatles  
> Cover Version by Wolfgang (The one featured in the chapter)
> 
> Inspired from AmorTortuga's Time To Pretend fanfic!
> 
> The one with the _ITALICS_ are Raph's flashbacks or can be called as memory triggers. I see a lot of fanfics regarding amnesia that the one who had memory loss is the one who had triggers, I made it the opposite since it adds effect because of Raph's guilt and conscience.  
>  The one with (" ") is usually Raph's thoughts.
> 
> Wolfgang is my favorite local band here. They had awesome cover songs besides their original ones. I'd like to imagine Leo had a unique voice, like Basti's (the vocalist, because it was said that before Basti's is not a great singer but he had a unique tone).
> 
> Also... YES, RAPH IS GETTING THERE. BEING SWEET AND ALL.

Come Together - The Beatles (Cover Version by Wolfgang)

The two arrived with bags of food in the studio. They placed it in the table and segregate it according to the orders. Luckily, Raph had the cheeseburger with fries. He saw Donnie trying to set up his guitar.  
Here he goes, all or nothing.

“Here.” A low voice said. Donnie just turned around and saw Raph holding a bag with his food inside.  
“Oh, thank you.” He smiled as he took it and placed beside him. He continued to work on his bass. Raph knew this habit, even though he didn’t give a fuck before. He always forgets eating. Even after 2 years, he never changed. April started to have concern. Raph can handle this.  
“You should eat you know.” Raph said. The bassist just stared and blinked at him.  
“I’ll eat when this is finished.” He smiled again and continued working.  
“Well, mind if I join you eating and help you work that out?” he offered.  
The bassist just stared at him and started to blush furiously.  
“Y-You don’t need to… I-I can handle this.” Donnie replied.  
Whoa, Donnie just blushed at him. He is supposed to be angry like “What’s gotten into you?” or similar like that, even if he had memory loss. But this?! Blushing?! Then again, it’s going smoothly. He doesn’t have to be an asshole to Donnie like before. Like April said, a clean start.

This might be the second chance he always wished for.  
“If you don’t want to eat, it’s okay. I’ll just watch you.” Raph said while sitting down. Wow, that sounded idiotic, creepy and desperate.  
The bassist just squeaked.

_It was one of the days when Donnie is doing some contraption. Raph just came home with takeouts. Inside his house, he saw a woman, forcing Donnie to eat.  
“Raphie!” The purple clad turtle greeted.  
“Who is she?!” He pointed the woman, who just stared at him.  
“She’s my best friend, April. April, this is Raph, my boyfriend and the lead guitarist of the band I talked to you about.”  
Awkward silence happened.  
“Mr. Raphael, can we talk privately?”_

_“Look sissy, I’ve been feeding Don, alright?!”  
“At least check is he IS eating. He tends to skip meals when he’s focused on something.”  
“Ain’t my fault. All he had to do is to get food and put it in his mouth.”  
“You’re his boyfriend! You should make sure he’s well!”  
“Yeah, I’m his boyfriend! Not a caretaker!”  
It continued causing Donnie to collapse in hunger. Raph knew it was his negligence or lack of care that caused him much exhaustion during their relationship. He should be the one to know Don well, as he was his partner._

Now that he thinks about it, April does have a point and it makes more sense as she is his guardian besides being his best friend. She had the right to intervene that time.

“I think a break will make me think straight.” Donnie said as he opened the bag and took out the cheeseburger.  
Raph just smiled as he eats his burger along with him.  
(“Seriously, Donnie. You got to stop blushing… You’re too… Adorable…”)  
“It feels weird eating beside the famous Raphael.” He said sheepishly.  
Raph just stared at his burger. He said that before, on their first date.

_“It feels weird eating beside the famous Raphael.” Donnie giggled as they opened the menu booklet.  
“Yeah, whatever. What do you want?” Raph said with no motivation._

“Don’t feel nervous. I’m just an ordinary guitarist playing.” Raph smiled. Leo and Mikey witnessed this and even got surprised. Raph didn’t smile like that for a long time.  
“I’m a big fan of your band and…”

_“I’m a big fan of your band, Raph!” said of an enthusiastic Donatello. Raph looked at him up and down. Raph showed a face of disgust. He is so not a rock and roller. Seriously, loose sweater pants and shirt?!_

He blinked his eyes. What are those all of a sudden? Memories from the past that are coming back for a taste of karma?  
“Oh, sorry.” He mumbled as he noticed Donnie showed concern why he is quiet.  
“You sure?”  
Raph nodded. He helped Donnie to set his bass. “And thanks a lot.”  
Donnie looked at him quickly.

“All set!” Mikey said as the new band is excited. They will show their performance as the front act of Leo’s band. The vocalist and lead guitarist sat down in front of them to watch them play.  
“Why won’t we let them do a sample first?” Timothy exclaimed. “You know, to pump us up!” The new band cheered and agreed.  
The blue vocalist refused but Mikey’s pleading eyes convinced him. Leo just sighed and took the microphone. “Alright, I’ll sing. Let’s go, Raph.”  
“I didn’t bring my guitar.” He said.  
“I’ll lend mine.” April said as she took off her Les Paul guitar. “Here.” Raph is impressed at her guitar. This guitar is a fine choice. He also wondered why April’s mood shifted suddenly.  
He just grasped her guitar and stood beside Leo. The band Agent Orange sat in front of them.

“So, what song you wanted?” Leo asked at Raph, as he caught Raph staring at Donnie again.  
“Any song.” He quickly looked away when all the attention came to him.  
“Well, Donnie… What song do you want to play?” Leo asked which caused the bassist to squeak again.

“Uhm… Can… Can you play “Come Together”?” He shyly asked.  
“Well… We know this awesome cover of it.” Leo nodded as Raph just strum the famous lead in the guitar. Raph is a little impressed Donnie knew this song. He’s sure he will enjoy this cover version they heard years ago.

Here come old flat top  
He come groovin' up slowly  
He got joo joo eyeballs  
He one holy rollers  
He got hair down to his knee  
Got to be a joker  
He just do what he please

The new band, even Mikey, is surprised how the two of them can lift the whole song without a drummer and a bassist.

He say I know you, you know me  
One thing I can tell you is  
You got to be free  
Come together, right now  
Over me

He sees Donnie smiling and admiring his playing, like before. He still remembered the eyes that shined with adoration. Well, Raph better focus if he wanted Don to get impressed and happy, like what he vowed to now.

He bad production  
He got walrus gumboot  
He got Ono sideboard  
He one spinal cracker

Mikey always loved Leo’s voice. He really had a unique voice that can reach high and low notes. It’s the first asset of him that he got high in heels for him. They were childhood friends and he always knew that Leo will be a talented singer. Yes, even when making out, his voice is pure heaven.

He say one and one and one is three  
Got to be good looking  
Cause he's so hard to see  
Come together right now  
Over me

Raph just realized he never felt this… Light in playing the guitar. It’s the same feeling when he first played the said instrument.  
They all chanted “Come Together”. It’s like they are jamming in the camp fire, watching under the stars, like the old days.

When Leo sang the final note and Raph strummed with power, the band cheered and clapped. Mikey went to Leo’s arms, squealing. Raph is delighted that it pleased Donnie fully.

“It’s your turn.” Leo said.  
“Of what?” Mikey asked.  
“To have a solo exhibition.” Leo smirked. “Before playing as a whole. I just want to see.”  
“Well, okay then.” Mikey said. “Fine. Tim, grab a beat box there.”  
Timothy nodded as he grabbed a beat box and sat on it.  
“Let’s play… Oh! The one we practiced yesterday for fun.”  
“Oohh… That song.” He smiled. “That’s a good song to impress Leo.”  
Mikey flushed. “Stop it!” The drummer just laughed. The vocalist giggled along.  
Leo smirked. (“Acoustic, eh?”)

“One, two, three.”


	4. With A Smile

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Embrace (TMNT) BAND AU  
> Chapter 4: With A Smile by Eraserheads (The one Mikey sang)  
> Sweet Child O Mine by Guns N Roses (The one April played)
> 
> Note/Warning: Tcest (RxD, LxM], Rock band stuff, OOC-ness, bad language, tragic stuff, mature stuff, music will vary on degrees
> 
> Inspired from AmorTortuga's Time To Pretend fanfic!
> 
> The one with the ITALICS are Raph's flashbacks or can be called as memory triggers. I see a lot of fanfics regarding amnesia that the one who had memory loss is the one who had triggers, I made it the opposite since it adds effect because of Raph's guilt and conscience.  
> The one with (" ") is usually Raph's thoughts.
> 
> Now the reason why Raph is guilty is now revealed! Yes, it all started by a simple bet. The bet thing actually happened by this friend of mine. With A Smile is one of the 90s songs here in my country.   
> I made April do the lead of GNR because it's so badass in my head (I always play that lead riff just for fun). It's a coincidence Mikey had light blue eyes too! I can see Leo charming him while singing that lyric.

With A Smile - Eraserheads

Lift your head, baby, don't be scared  
Of the things that could go wrong along the way  
You'll get by with a smile  
You can't win at everything but you can try.

Leo admits, Mikey often sang out of tune whenever he listens to tunes. But he is very different when he gets serious by it. This lover of his really had the talents. Oh, how he love him so.

In a world where everybody  
Hates a happy ending story  
It's a wonder love can make the world go round

The two professionals got to admit, these two really had the musician blood. Well, Mikey is a given, as they worked with him before. They were in their first band, with Mikey and Donnie, which known as “Shell Shocker”.

And don't let it bring you down  
And turn your face into a frown  
You'll get along with a little prayer and a song.

As the vocalist is finished, Raph and Leo clapped in delight. April went up the stage after.  
“Tim, still need your help.” She smiled as Timothy went to the drum set.  
“I think you know this one.” April grinned as her slim fingers started to play that familiar lead riff. Surprisingly, the bass riff came in. Raph is impressed at the music, especially those rich, thick bass coming from a certain purple musician.   
Without warning, Leo and Mikey joined along in the vocals.

In being an audience, Raph knew Mikey chose the right people for this band. Leo grabbed the mic and emphasized “He got eyes of the bluest skies” while teasing Mikey.  
It’s been a long time since he seen a band jamming and messing around like this. If only he turn back the time, he would really change it, especially the former relationship of Donnie and him.  
The song finished and Raph just made thumbs up then clapped his hands.  
“Seemed you will definitely in the front act.” Leo said as the band members made a high five… Or three to Don and Mike.

“Oh my, we didn’t realize it’s a little late.” April said as she looked at the clock. It’s already past 5 PM. “But we had one last performance.” She said.  
“We had?” Mikey said.  
“Well… One of us had an extra talent.” April smirked as her eyes went to Donnie.   
“No… No, April! No!” Donnie refused as April shoved her guitar to him.

Now, this is getting interesting.  
“Come on, Donnie, I know you loved to play that song.” April said and left him alone in the stage. He sheepishly become nervous and embarrassed, if he had long hair, he would so hide in it.  
“This song is special to me… For some reason. I really apologize if I made mistakes… A-and… It reminded me of someone… I can’t remember. But I knew he was important to me…” He shyly said as he touched the neck of the guitar and started to play.  
Raph knows that song. That song he played in the veranda last night.

_It was a quiet night and sweet strings of acoustic tunes are heard as Donnie really loves the music. He is pleased it hit the bassist’s heart, just as planned. All part of the plan by this bet between his best friend and him.  
“R-Raphie…” Donnie muttered softly. He is flushing. Now that he remembered it, he is beautiful that night.  
“Yeah?” Raph replied, he placed the guitar down and sat beside him.  
He can see Donnie gulped and sighed.  
“Yes, Raph.”  
“Huh?” he said, being astonished.  
“I would like to be your boyfriend.” He shyly said.  
Of course the usual reaction to that are happiness and an embrace. Wow, he realized he is a good actor. It was the start of Donnie’s misery._

Since Donnie “died”, he always played that song at night, hoping he would hear it. That song is both a sweet dream and a nightmare, as he met a happy Donnie and he made him miserable.

His tears are threatening to fall. He never cried. He didn’t want to show he is vulnerable. He is a freaking rock star!

After the song, all he did is leave the studio.  
When he left, a complete silence occurred.  
Donnie is clearly upset by what happened. “Well, I can’t blame him if my lead guitar work is horrible.” He said as he took off April’s guitar.  
“Well, Raph had an attitude. Don’t mind him.” April said.  
“But we never saw Raph that miserable.” All eyes set to Leo when he said that. “That song is very special to him. It reminded him of someone… He loved dearly.” Leo looked at Donnie, hoping he would understand him.  
Donnie stood up firmly, “I’ll go talk to him.” He said at Leo and April, who just signal him to go ahead.

Raph stayed on the small stairs before the entrance inside. He breathed deeply and stared at the night sky. He remembered. Donnie remembered that song.  
“Mind if I join you?”  
His eyes blinked. That voice. Above is a shy Donatello, which had a bag of food.  
“Well, it’s my turn to give something.”  
(“Donnie, you gave too much to me.”)

He just patted the stair level as he looked away. He can’t use the sarcastic remarks, he is too disoriented to talk and he doesn’t want to make Donnie distance to him more.  
“I didn’t buy beer, only some sodas and buns. Is that alright to you?”  
He got more overwhelmed by the flashing memories. It’s getting a lot painful.

_Donnie went back, all soaked and panting from the rain.  
“I can’t find any beer at this time… And I only got steamed buns… Is that alright?” he asked and put the plastic bag on the table.  
He yelped when Raph’s fists hit the table in displeasure.  
“Why you can’t get anything right?!” he shouted. He remembered he could see how scared Donnie is. He really wanted to beat the shell out of his former self. He treated him like a fucking servant, groupie or nothing at all. He didn’t treat him as his boyfriend at all._

“Sir?” he asked with tone of concern. Raph blinked back.  
“Y-Yeah… It’s alright. I don’t drink beer anymore.” Raph grabbed a can of orange soda.  
“R-Really?” Donnie said as he gets his own.  
“Yeah…”  
Awkward silence covered the scenery.

“Leo, I think we need to set out the mood for them.” Mikey said while grinning. “We can play the song earlier.”  
Leo smiled as Mikey called Tim to grab the beat box and repeat the song.

Baby, you don't have to worry  
'Coz there ain't no need to hurry  
No one ever said that there's an easy way

“L-Look… I’m sorry I played the guitar really… Really bad.” Donnie rubbed his arm automatically. Raph wondered why Donnie is apologizing for this.  
Oh, shit.  
“Donnie…” He spoke his name for the first time and it felt weird. “You played it great. I-It… Just reminded me of someone.” He said. He can’t believe he is talking his distress to someone and that someone is Don. He wouldn’t even tell Leo anything about this. He is definitely disoriented and a lot worse than being drunk.  
“I’m sorry… I’m not aware… I just loved that song… Especially when you played it.”  
This felt a knife sliced his heart. But wait… He never played it ever since he…  
“I’m sorry… I just saw it in my T-Pod, you know, the bootlegged versions.” Donnie tried to explain, as if not being like a stalker. When Raph didn’t respond, he felt he talked too much. “I’m sorry Mr. Ra-“  
“Raph… Just call me Raph.” He said. “Short for Raphael Hamato.”

When they're closing all their doors  
And they don't want you anymore  
This sounds funny but I'll say it anyway.

Donnie just blinked at him and smiled after. “I’m Donatello… Or Donnie.”  
He tried to stop those memories going on his head. Well, his father is right, about this karma. But he felt “better” in the definition when they are talking like this.

Lift your head, baby, don't be scared  
Of the things that could go wrong along the way  
You'll get by with a smile  
Now it's time to kiss away those tears goodbye

They are both munching some buns when Michelangelo just screamed between them.  
“Donnie! You didn’t offer me some!” He wailed.  
“Ah! Guys, did we take long? I’ll go to-“  
“Donnie, its fine. We just packed up the things since we are calling it a day. We still have practice tomorrow before the gig.” April explained.  
“O-Oh!” Donnie said as she gave the bass guitar to him and slung it over his shoulder.  
“It was a great day, guys.” Leo said. “I can tell your band will soar.”  
“Thanks, well, we better get going.” April said. “Donnie, where will you go?”  
“Uhh, right near to our meeting place. It’s nearer.” He said.  
“I’ll go with him. I left my bike there. Is that alright with you?” Raph asked. The bassist just nodded with a red shade on his cheeks.  
“Are you sure, Donnie?” April said. “You can come with us if you want.”  
“It… It’s alright, April. I’ll let you know if I’m home.” Donnie said.  
“Leo, can we go to the convenience store before going back to the condo?” Mikey asked. Leo chuckled as he nodded. They knew the look as they bid their farewells and separated.

Leaving Raph and Donnie alone.


	5. Crazy Little Thing Called Love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Embrace (TMNT) BAND AU  
> Chapter 5: Crazy Little Thing Called Love by Queen  
> Note/Warning: Tcest (RxD, LxM], Rock band stuff, OOC-ness, bad language, tragic stuff, mature stuff, music will vary on degrees
> 
> The one with the ITALICS are Raph's flashbacks or can be called as memory triggers. I see a lot of fanfics regarding amnesia that the one who had memory loss is the one who had triggers, I made it the opposite since it adds effect because of Raph's guilt and conscience.  
> The one with BOLD are the text messages. I'll put an indicator next chapter. But you'll probably know who are the ones texting in this one.  
> The one with (" ") is usually Raph's thoughts.
> 
> Woo! Go Raphie! You got Don's number! Also, you had a hang out with him! It's so a DATE Well in the music video the girl gets on the bike. Apparently, it will not happen to Donnie yet. Also, more memories reveals on how jerk Raph was.
> 
> YES RAPHIE, YOU HAD A FANDOM.

There goes my baby  
She knows how to rock 'n' roll  
She drives me crazy  
She gives me hot and cold fever  
Then she leaves me in a cool cool sweat

I gotta be cool, relax, get hip  
And get on my track's  
Take a back seat, hitch-hike  
And take a long ride on my motorbike  
Until I'm ready  
Crazy little thing called love  
\- Crazy Little Thing Called Love, Queen

“Thank you for accompanying me.” Donnie said. Raph just realized how cute Donnie’s eyes are when they sparkle at night.  
“It’s no problem. Besides, my bike is there too.” He answered.  
“Are you alright now?” Donnie asked, still had concern with the fiasco earlier. “Are you feeling better?”  
(“If you meant by shock, confusion and frustration all bottled up because you’re here is categorized as fine, yes it is, Donnie.”)  
“Y-Yeah… Thanks…” He said. “You know, you’re a great bassist. I really hope I should’ve told that someone the same.”  
“Thank you… And I’m sorry to hear that…” He said with sympathy. “What does that someone looks like?”  
Raph looked at him. This is awkward. He looked down after. “He is the most beautiful. His eyes… Are like jewels. He had this cute smile…” He trailed off, giving too much information. Donnie just giggled. See? Like that. That’s the cute thing he is talking about.  
“I can tell you’re a sweet person.” He shyly said.”So, what you think of my band?”  
Raph smiled. “I had a lot of potential, not because Mikey was there. It’s because it had talented people and just enjoying making music.” He explained. These past years, he didn’t enjoyed making music. It had made him realized that Don was the fuel of the band before; to keep it going, despite he had issues with Raph. It caused him to have the known as “inspiration”.  
“Uhh… I’m not prying or anything… I thought you lived in the same house as April?” Raph asked. He got to admit, he is feeling a little jealous about it and angry for being lied as well.  
“Well, she is my guardian but that doesn’t mean I have to be dependent.” He giggled. “I want to have freedom.”  
Raph just nodded. He never gave Don freedom before, might as well let him be now.   
It got a little quiet after a few steps.  
“You knew about my memory loss right?” He said, stopping from his tracks. It made Raph stopped as well.  
“Yeah, she told me.” Raph said.  
“It’s alright. Just please don’t treat me like a clueless person. I do know some things in what I’m doing.” He chuckled. For some reason, Raph felt… A little scared and pity to him.  
“Oh! Sorry, I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.” He said sheepishly. “I do not know about my past. I’m alright to it, really. Yeah, I’m a little curious but it won’t affect my actions here in the present.”  
(“Believe me, if you knew, you will kill me.”)  
“I’m glad I’m walking with the famous guitarist. I’m a little star struck and I’m sorry…” He giggled softly.  
The past Donatello was like this before. His responses before had made Donnie more withdrawn to him.  
“I appreciate that. But…” Raph gulped. “Can we be something else like friends? We do know this won’t be the last gig that you’re going to be front act on to us…” He could tell Donnie is really surprised and he got more adorable.  
“Yes.” He smiled sweetly. “I would love to!”   
Raphael only smiled. They finally saw his bike now in view.  
“I had a great time today.” Donnie said. “And thank you very much.” Donnie said as he bowed. Raph knew this is always his habit.  
Raph got on his bike. “Me too.” He said. “Well, I can get you home with my bike.” He offered.  
“Uhh… No, thank you.” Don looked away. “I had fear with motorcycles. I’m sorry and I didn’t mean to offend you. I’m just uncomfortable.”  
Raph just look down. He knew the reason why he is scared of it. Even he took months before he bought a new bike, he drove his car during that period. That accident is why they are here today, of why Donnie lost his memories. He knew the damage that has been done was very great. He didn’t know how to get it back to normal.  
“Alright. I’ll just wait for your taxi.” He said. Donnie just nodded.  
“I really don’t know why I got a sudden dislike to riding motorcycles. All April told me is I had an accident connecting to that.”  
Considering that April said Donnie didn’t remember a thing, Raph knew Don had the right to be aware of what happened or what state he is now. He rarely says this but April saved his butt as she didn’t tell Don his role to him before.  
“Oh, here’s my ride.” Don said as a taxi stopped in front of them.  
“Bye, I’ll see you next time.” Donnie said, smiling before getting in.  
Raph smiled back and he drove off.

For some reason, he had this protective streak to Donnie now. His body moved on his own, Raph put his helmet on and followed the vehicle.  
This can be a purpose to know where Don lived. His bike moved in a slower speed as he intended, for Don not to be aware that he is following him.

Raph is glad Donnie went home safely. He never did this to Don before except for stalking when he needs to gain something. Donnie opened the door to his small house. He is surprised that it’s a neat house, probably his own. He put this memory to his brain. Before, Don lived in an apartment. When they got together, Don lived in Raph’s house. He still has Don’s room there with all of his things still intact. Sometimes, he goes there to feel Donnie’s “presence”.

He smiled when Donnie is inside the house and he drives off.  
He decided that he will use this second chance and make Donnie the happiest nerd.

Raph’s phone is blaring loud when he reached his house. It was revealed to be only a text message. Leo and him have a rule to keep their phones’ ringtone setting high for emergency or business meetings but it sure it’s annoying. He picked it up from his pocket.  
It’s from an unknown number.

**This is April. Donnie said he saw you following his cab until he gets home. I see you learned. Here is Donnie’s number.**

Raph sees the name card of Donnie with his number.

He got Donnie’s number! Without asking!

He removed the keys from his bike. He saved Donnie’s number quickly in his phone.  
His stomach is growling. That burger just shoots from his stomach faster than he thought.   
He wanted to text Donnie yet he didn’t know a decent welcome. Then again, why is he thinking simple stuff like this?! He is acting like a freaking school girl.

**Hey, Raph here. April gave me your number.**

(“Yeah, nice move for giving the worst message ever.”)

**Oh, hi Raph! Thank you earlier. You’re really nice.**

**No problem. You ate dinner?**

He is blushing at the words “You’re really nice”. This vow thing is surely working.  
But he felt like an idiot when he asked if Donnie ate.

**Some steak with mushroom sauce. Mikey cooked it because he planned a sleepover tonight. What about you?**

**Well, that’s good. Me? Well, I’m trying to find food here.**

**The only I could do is some basic cooking to teach you. Sorry.**

He chuckled. They continued texting, even while cooking and eating. Raph went to bed after a warm shower.

**Sorry, took a shower.**

**It’s okay. I’m surprised you’re so nice. I heard some things from the fandom that you’re rude and ruthless.**

**Well, I still am… Wait, I had a fandom?**

**Yup… I was one of the senior ones there… And yeah… But they noticed now you got mellowed and quiet. Is it true you humiliated someone before?**

_It was one of their gigs where Donnie is now their official bassist. They had an argument before that gig. He remembered it’s about April being nosy. Well, he wants to slap himself since he now knew April was his guardian that time.  
After the performance, he saw Donnie waving at April and she does the same. He felt extreme anger and jealousy. Donnie still had the use of him and he won’t let a best friend interfere to it.  
“YOU ARE THE WORST BASSIST EVER!”  
He saw Donnie remained passive and on verge to tears. He got humiliated in their freaking concert. It was a shock to Raph’s system to say that._

_“Come on, Donnie! I’m sorry! Just forgive me!” Raph plead. He was catching up the bassist.  
“Leave me alone. Please.” He said._

**Yeah, it’s true. I regretted it. He is special to me and I knew I shouldn’t say that.**

**They never name drop anyone about that. So I don’t know much. I’m sorry I asked you questions.**

Raph is amused that Donnie is still one of his fans. He still admired him. But he doesn’t want it in the same path. This will be different as Raph is the one that should be admiring him.

**It’s okay. Let’s hang out tomorrow in some place after your practice.**

**I want to go to this place. But… I think it’s not your thing.**

**Hey, I don’t mind. I go wherever you want.**

**Okay, tomorrow noon at the same studio. Thank you. I really apologize. I’m really a big fan.**

Raph closed his eyes. The last sentence Donnie said, he used that as an advantage two years ago.

_“I want my gear to be set up and inside the trunk. Understand?”  
“Of course these lovely ladies can go on my lap. So stop being fussed about it, Donnie boy.”  
“I’m sick, so I can’t pick you up there. Take a fucking cab or something!”  
“Like the media said, it’s “rumored”. Why you’re so hyped to this showbiz bullshit? I own you, remember?”  
“If you didn’t show up, I’m going to break up with you.”_

Tiny tears fell from his apple green eyes. He screwed up. He fucking screwed it up! He didn’t just hurt Donnie. He lived in hell. He can’t stand when he had said before yet he felt wrong in many levels when he heard his past self saying that.

**No, Donnie. I think I’m your big fan.**

**Uhm… Excuse me?**

**I admire your playing and you’re adorable.**

Raphael smacked himself. He really sounded creepy and desperate. He completely ruined it. He started to type…  
 **Look, I didn’t mean it that way**

He received a message.

**Thank you, Raph.**

The red musician smiled warmly. It’s slowly mending but it’s alright.  
For the first time, he didn’t play the song in the veranda.


	6. Glory of Love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Embrace (TMNT) BAND AU  
> Chapter 6: Glory of Love by Peter Cetera
> 
> Note/Warning: Tcest (RxD, LxM], Rock band stuff, OOC-ness, bad language, tragic stuff, mature stuff, m  
> Inspired from AmorTortuga's Time To Pretend fanfic!
> 
> The one with the ITALICS are Raph's flashbacks or can be called as memory triggers. I see a lot of fanfics regarding amnesia that the one who had memory loss is the one who had triggers, I made it the opposite since it adds effect because of Raph's guilt and conscience.
> 
> The song "Your Love" will be featured in the future chapters as there will be a cute scene of that of Raph and Don XD  
> I've been searching for the right song for freaking 3 hours XD and this song came and the chorus really reminded me of Leo. And when I watched the music video... Frick. I knew it XD  
> The Li Mu Bai concept was inspired from this conversation of Leo and Mikey in g33kg1rl-rxd's They Stumbled Towards Ecstasy fanfic about the Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon movie.
> 
> IT'S A FREAKING DATE~
> 
> All I could say, this is the calm before the storm. (Well, Leo and Mikey already started)  
> The one with (" ") is usually Raph's thoughts.

The said musician roused at 11 AM by his ringing phone.  
He grunted when he reached the device.

Mikey: Donnie seemed happy today. He only said he enjoyed your company. You called him adorable, didn’t you?

Raph shot up. With Mikey’s blabbering mouth, it’s obvious that the whole band knew what he texted last night.

Raph: No, I did not!

He went on to grab some clothes after a shower. He wore a simple black biker jacket with maroon shirt and pants. As he went outside, he scowled as he went back to get his car keys. It’s raining.

He parked his car to a spot beside the studio. He tried to look decent but he got frozen when he got inside.  
Leo, Casey and Spike are there. His band mates.  
“Finally, you came, the usual late comer.” Leo said, crossing his arms.  
“What are you all doing here?” he yelled. “You didn’t tell me you’re dropping by!”   
“Well, I dragged them along to see the performance,” Leo said.  
“I agree for them to be the front act in our gigs and this upcoming tour.” Casey said then whispered. “As they had a hot lead guitarist.” Raph looked back, bewildered. He took a peek as he sees Donnie playing around with a piano. He didn’t know that he can play piano, too.  
He is perfect in his eyes.

“Don’t, Raph! I know! I know I’m the worst bassist! This is why I quit the band! I’m sorry I can’t be perfect like you are!”

“Raph, you okay?” Casey asked. Spike, who is as bigger than Raph, held out his arm to support him from falling.  
“Yeah…” He muttered as he balanced himself. “I came here to pick Donnie up.”  
“Like a date?!” His band mates said, with different expression plastered on their faces.  
“No! I’ll just accompany him! Like hanging out!” He said in defense. The band mates laughed at his expense.  
“I’m here to pick Mikey up. He said he wanted to go to this convention.” Leo said as they looked at Mikey cheerfully singing to adlib beats they made.  
“I didn’t know Leo and fun could mix.” Raph countered as Casey laughed.  
“Oh, shut up.”

“Oh, Raph! I didn’t know you’re here already.” Donnie said as he packed up faster.  
“Its okay, Donnie. No rush.” Raph replied.  
“Looks like lover boy is here.” Mikey laughed as Raph kept his temper check. He didn’t want to have a bad impression from Donnie. As he had so many if Donnie’s memories were still there.  
“Just remember to bring our Donnie at his home at exact 6! No making out in the bushes!” Mikey teased more.  
“That’s it! I’m so going to kill you-“ Raph screamed.  
“I’m ready… Raph?” Donnie asked with concern.  
“Oh! Yeah… Let’s go.” Raph said as he released his arm around Mikey’s neck. The orange vocalist wheezed a little from the force he gave.  
Raph grabbed Donnie’s bass and slung it around his shoulders, an action that he’ll carry the things. The bassist blushed at the gesture.  
“Enjoy your date!” Mikey shouted.  
“We are not on a date!” They shouted, denying the accusations yet their faces had reddish shade. They left the studio, leaving the two bands.  
“It’s definitely a date.” Mikey sneered as the rest laughed.

As they went outside, the sky is still crying.  
“Oh, dear. It’s still raining.” Donnie said. Raph thought what to do, as they had no umbrella. He took off the bass guitar and gave to Don and put his biker jacket on him.  
“Raph, What-“  
“Don’t let it wet, alright?” He said as they ran on the rain.  
Donnie is worried that Raph is getting soaked.

“Raph, it’s raining. Should we wait?” Donnie asked while putting the bags down.  
“No, we’re going.” Raph said as he grabbed Don’s hand. The poor bassist is able to pick up all of the bags before rushing to the heavy rain.  
Raph opened the trunk. “Put the fucking bags! Hurry!” He shouted as Donnie quickly placed them in.  
The two went inside the car. Raph had a leather jacket with the zipper closed. The water just flowed freely. Meanwhile, Donnie is very soaked and starting to sneeze.

“Raph! Get in the car!” Donnie shouted with worry, Raph blinked and looked at him as Don is already inside. He shook his head as he went inside also. He is soaked from the rain, both shirt and pants.  
“Which restaurant you want to go?” Raph asked.  
“I… I think you have to change your shirt.” Donnie said. “Do you have any spare?”  
Raph stared at him. “Yeah…” He reached the shirt lying on the back seat and removed his wet shirt. He heard Donnie squeaked and had the reddish shade on his cheeks. For some reason, he liked it when he teases Donnie, even before. He only chuckled after wearing the clean shirt, “I’m glad you liked the view.” He smiled causing Don to blush more and looked away.  
“My pants are not that wet so it’s alright. Where you want to go eat first?” he asked again.  
“… Anywhere with coffee.” He said softly. His coffee habits never died even if he had amnesia.  
“Well, I know this good place.” He said as he drives off.

“I’m so excited!” Mikey squealed seemed to be on edge of his seat as Leo just chuckled while driving off to the conventions he’s been waiting for so many months.  
“Do I really have to wear that costume thing?” Leo asked.  
“It’s cosplay!” Mikey blurted out.  
“Yeah! I had no partner! You will be my Li Mu Bai!” He said.  
“Well, I will be a renowned Wudang master.” He smiled as he slowly parked the car. Mikey happily got off the car once it’s stopped and got his cosplay things at the trunk.  
Leo smiled how cheery Mikey is now. They went to the dressing room to change. Mikey got out first as he is experienced on changing cosplays faster.  
“Leo… Wow.” He grinned widely at the view. It fits Leo so much, both concept, personality and the costume itself.  
“My Li Mu Bai…” He smiled as he hugged Leo, who shyly laughed.  
It was a bizarre world to Leo. There are some characters that he recognized because of spending time with Mikey, such as reading comic books (Mikey said Leo can be a voice actor), or playing video games.  
He watches Mikey playing this dance game in Kinect.  
“Never knew I’ll meet the famous Li Mu Bai here is all places.”  
He looked at his left. He is surprised at the smiling woman.  
“Karai.”

“Here we are.” Raph said as the car went on a slow stop. It’s luck that the area they’re parking on had shade. They got out of the car and went inside the restaurant. It’s pretty much an elegant kind.  
“Uhh… Raph… I don’t think I’m able to afford the stuff here.” He whispered to the larger turtle.  
“Who says you’re paying?” He said as he insisted him to go seat at a table with him. It wasn’t long when the waiter went to their table to take their order.  
Raphael remembered their common trend when they go to dates before. The faster it gets done, the better. But this, he wanted to take the time for just creating new memories together.  
“What do you want, Donnie?” He asked.  
“Uhh…” His finger pointed at the desired meal. “Lasagna with garlic sticks, ham and cheese pizza and espresso coffee.” The waiter nodded and turned to Raph.  
“Same but instead of coffee, its coke.” He said and the waiter left, leaving a silence between the two.

“Leo, I’m-“ Mikey trailed off when he saw Leo talking to a woman, who cosplayed as a Foot ninja. He knew by the emblem on her suit. They seemed to be in a hearty conversation about bushido and honor stuff. He just played the fabric of his costume. At least Leo had company while he’s gone.  
“Oh, Mikey. You’re done?” Leo asked as he only nodded as a reply.  
He had this deep disturbing feeling.

They are back on the car driving back. Mikey became awfully quiet.  
“Are you alright, Mikey?” Leo asked with concern.  
“Who is she?” Mikey asked. “You never told me about her.” He said turning his gaze downwards.  
Leo just stared at him.   
“She was my ex girlfriend.”

(“Come on, Raph. Make a freaking move!”)  
“So, how’s your practice earlier?” He asked.  
“It’s alright. We played one of my favorites earlier.” He smiled.  
“Really? What song?” Raph asked curiously. Maybe he can suggest it to Leo to add it in their cover track list.  
“It’s called “Your Love”.” He said.

“I dedicated this song… To the lovely ladies there.” Raph said charmingly on stage while he grinned at them. The ladies smiled and flirted back that was in front of their stage. That time, Don remained quiet in their whole gig.  
“It’s one of the cover songs we had. This is called “Your Love”.” He said as he started to play the said song.

“We played that song before.” Raph whispered while looking at his cup.  
“Really? I didn’t know.” Donnie giggled. It caused Raph to smile.  
“I thought you’re a big fan?” Raph asked.  
Donnie squeaked and looked down. Oh, shit.  
“It was a long time ago. We are just a rising band that time.” He countered. “No need to be down. I shouldn’t ask that. I should be the one to know more stuff about you.” He got relief when Donnie smiled back.  
Raph remembered that he told Leo never to play it again after Donnie’s death. It was the song he liked yet he played it for somebody else.  
“I can play it for you later.” Raphael said, smiling charmingly and it’s effective, Donnie become adorable again.  
“Uhh… Thank you.” He smiled.  
“How did you know this place? I’m a little surprised that for a rock star… You know this fancy restaurant like this… I mean, most rock stars preferred bars.”  
“This is supposed the place I’m going to bring him… But it didn’t happen,” Raph said.  
He had to let go his locked up desires to him even though his memory loss is in hindrance to make Donnie understand.  
The food they ordered arrived.

Shock enveloped Mikey. He felt numb. He isn’t supposed to feel like this!  
“You never told me anything about her.” Mikey said. “I thought we were best buds!”  
“It’s a long time ago, Mikey.” Leo said. “You don’t have to know everything about me! In fact, you don’t know anything about me! I’m just a boring, honor obsessing person to your eyes!” He yelled out.  
Mikey was shaking and on the verge of tears.  
“Stop the car.”

“STOP THE FUCKING CAR!”

Leo pulled the car at screeching halt. Mikey undoes his seat belt and got out of the car, still with his costume on. The two are so out of league they forgot to change back.  
Leo just remained in the car, sighing deeply. It’s always “Mikey time” in their relationship. Bringing him to comic book stores, going to his favorite fast food chains and events such as comic book signing and conventions. He wanted to have a “Leo time” too but it seemed him liking traditional Japanese stuff is boring to Mikey. He thinks Mikey is getting a little unfair. Yet, they were best friends and it’s given to be transparent to each other.

Raph is enjoying Donnie’s company. The “fan thinking” seemed to be disappearing from Donnie and think of Raph as just an ordinary musician.  
“Oh, here is your jacket… I think you need it.” Donnie said.  
“No… Keep it. I don’t want you to get cold.” Raph said. “I insist.”  
Donnie mumbled a sincere gratitude again.

“Raph, do you think this is a date?” Donnie said.  
The big turtle choked silently to himself and gulped a lot of coke.  
“Uhm… What I think… It’s not but I won’t mind if you call it one.” He answered slowly. He is trying to analyze what he said is acceptable enough. But it seemed it isn’t.  
“I don’t mind.” Donnie said.  
Raph just stared at the shy musician. “I don’t mind calling this a date.”  
Raph is extremely glad, he smiled genuinely while eating.

They went back in driving after a great meal.  
“So, where is this place you want to go?” Raph asked.  
“Just around the corner and straight ahead.” Donnie said.  
Raph turned and realized he knew this road.  
“It’s there!” Don pointed as Raph nervously pulled over.

It’s the old library. The same library where Raph always go to “pay respects” to Donnie for two years.

“Is there something wrong, Raph?” Donnie asked.  
“N-No… It’s okay.” He answered.  
“Are you sure? We can go to the place you like if you want to.” Donnie said.  
“No… No… Like I said, it’s fine.”  
The two got off the car and walked inside the library.


	7. Let Him Go

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Embrace (TMNT) BAND AU  
> Chapter 7: Let Him Go by Passenger (From my waifuu)
> 
> Note/Warning: Tcest (RxD, LxM], Rock band stuff, OOC-ness, bad language, tragic stuff, mature stuff (IMPLIED), music will vary on degrees
> 
> Inspired from AmorTortuga's Time To Pretend fanfic!
> 
> The one with the ITALICS are Raph's flashbacks or can be called as memory triggers. I see a lot of fanfics regarding amnesia that the one who had memory loss is the one who had triggers, I made it the opposite since it adds effect because of Raph's guilt and conscience.  
> The one with (" ") is usually Raph's thoughts.
> 
> They held hands! And Raph's visiting for two years is now over.  
> Next chapters (estimated around 1 or 2) will be centric Leo and Mikey!  
> I gotta say, I really like this chapter.

Well, you only need the light when it's burning low,  
Only miss the sun when it starts to snow,  
Only know you love her when you let her go.

Only know you’ve been high when you’re feeling low,  
Only hate the road when you’re missing home.  
Only know you love her when you let her go,  
And you let her go.  
-Let Her Go, Passenger

Irma was surprised that Raph visited to an unusual time and also with someone.  
“Good afternoon, Irma.” Donnie greeted as she just nodded. The two took a seat at the Science and Technology section beside the one with the flowers.  
Donnie brought out a book, which is about Physics.

Mikey is walking aimlessly, trying to calm his head down. He thought he was Leo’s first love and his first boyfriend. He thought he was first in everything in Leo’s life! First friend, first best friend, first love, first boyfriend, first kiss, first date, first dance… Yes, even first sex.  
He was proud of that yet… This ruined everything.  
He stopped by this tracks when he was being surrounded by a gang.  
“Look, another of those costume freaks! You walked in the wrong turf, you little piece of shit!”

“You know…” Donnie said. “I often saw flowers and gifts in that spot. Irma told me it’s from a man mourning to the loss of his love. I think it’s sweet.”  
Raph just remained silent for a couple of seconds. “I’m that man.”  
Donnie blinked and gasped.  
“I’m deeply sorry for your loss… I’m not aware.”  
“Donnie, its okay… It’s alright.” He muttered while staring at the emptied spot with dried purple flowers. It’s extremely awkward that Donnie is the loss that he just said earlier but in his condition, Raph thinks that he will not understand.  
“If you want to talk about it to feel better, I’m all ears.” Donnie offered.  
This is the chance to express everything even though Donnie doesn’t remember a thing. As long he is there listening to him, its fine. It’s still the same Donnie. The same Donnie that loved him before.

“He was a big fan of my band before, especially to me. I was a little off to him because if I could remember, he was in a different culture. He left it to practice bass and join my band. Then, Casey and I had a bet that if I made him fall in love and stayed in a relationship with him in a month; he’ll give the vintage guitar I wanted.”  
That simple bet controlled Donnie’s life. He remembered how he used his affections to him. To sum it up, Raph is unforgivable.

“I courted him and he became my boyfriend. But I didn’t treat him like one. I’m the worst boyfriend. I become disinterested in dates. He became my groupie carrying all of my stuff. I’m flirting with women even in front of him. I didn’t take care of him when he was sick and so on… But the worst part is… I humiliated him.”  
Donnie’s eyes widened, seemed to be the subject they talked about last night is the same person. Their bassist was his lover. But he felt extreme sadness and grief from the lead guitarist.

“But I fell in love to him already. I don’t know why I did that… Maybe because of jealousy. He didn’t talk to me… I want to apologize and start over if he wanted to. I called him but he didn’t want to answer.”

_“Donnie… Donnie… Please answer the phone. Please meet with me outside tonight. I’m going to show you something.”  
It’s been Raph’s fifth voice mail. He is frustrated, he had to show up. But his anger is rising up…  
“If you didn’t show up, I’m going to break up with you.”_

“It’s the worst thing I’ve ever said but he did show up… He climbed on my bike… We drove off and it was raining… Before I could, it…” He started to shudder and covered his eyes. “Next thing I knew, he was gone.”

Donnie knew his deeds are unimaginable and he deserved it yet he knew it made Raph devastated. Raph can feel Donnie’s comforting hand rubbing on his back.

“I didn’t know where he is buried. But he always loved this library and that spot. I visit him every day, giving him flowers and books like I should’ve done that time he and I are still together… And saying sorry every time. I want him to know…” Raph looked at the empty spot. Donnie can see Raph had sad, tired eyes. “That I don’t want to make it up with him… I know he will not forgive me…” he sniffed.   
“But I just want him to know I love him dearly.”

Raph took out his wallet and picked up a small silver ring.  
“I was supposed to give this to him that night. That he and I will have a clean start. That I’ll be the boyfriend he dreamed of. Yet, as you know, it didn’t happen. I always sing that song for him every night.” He mumbled, finally his tears are flowing freely as Donnie witnessed it. In front of him is not a famous and talented rock star but a broken hearted man. “I didn’t have the courage to smoke, drink beer or even do drugs because it reminded me of him scolding me. I want him to know I’ve changed. I want his forgiveness and the opportunity to love him.” Raphael placed the ring beside the flowers. 

They remained silent.

“I think he knows you didn’t love him before.” Donnie said. “I think he always hoped for you to love him back. His love is rare.”  
“I know… And I’m stupid not to notice it.” Raph sighed. (“If you only knew Donnie…”)  
“Do you think he’ll forgive me?”

Donnie put his thinking cap on. “Well, I’m not the guy for that. I think he already has and he just wanted you to be happy.” Donnie said and he placed his hand on top of Raph’s. Raph’s eyes went to the gesture.  
He interlaced his fingers with his. He felt his soft, delicate hands.

“Thank you… Thank you very much…” Raph whispered. He can see Donnie blushing at them holding hands. Donnie is there supporting him. Raph felt a huge lift from his shoulders like a big rock is gone. But it could be better if Donnie had his memory back. But he had a feeling that if that happened, his judgment will change if he knew everything.  
Yet, he still felt very happy.  
“I think he is in a happy place.” Donnie said and smiled at him. Raph knew if this is the old Donnie, the happiness is being in his arms and Raph will give it right away, including his heart.

Irma is pleased that Raphael’s burden is lessening significantly.

The two still held hands when they went out of the library. They stopped only to learn that it is still raining and its worse. A flash of lightning made Donnie removed his hand from Raph’s grasp and covered his ears. He flinched when a loud thunder is heard.

_“What are you sitting down there for? We got to go!” Raph said, being irritated. The subsequent lightning and thunder made Donnie immobile.  
“Don’t be a wimp! Why are you so scared in a freaking lightning and thunder?!”_

He face palmed himself, says the one who had a phobia to insects, specifically cockroaches.  
“You know, lightnings are beautiful.” He said as he made Donnie to stand up and put Raph’s hands to his ears instead of his hands. He heard the purple clad turtle squeaked and flinched again by the lightning.   
But they are great to see in another perspective. He didn’t hear any thunder because of Raph’s big hands on the sides of his head.  
“I’m a scientist yet I despised this particular phenomenon in weather.” Donnie spoke. “But thank you. Your hands are warm.” He giggled.  
This time Raph is the one who blushed. They remained like that until the rain is in a drizzle and forms of lightning and thunder are not visible anymore.

The couple started to walk to the car when Raph froze and held Don’s arm. The brainiac can sense extreme fear to Raph’s face.  
“Oh!” Donnie said when he saw it. He looked around and saw a large stick. He picked it up and killed the cockroach.  
“Sorry, I forgot your phobia.” He said.  
“… How did you know?” Raph asked. He knew Donnie didn’t have memories from the past.  
“The whole fandom knows.” He giggled as he gets in the car. Raph had a neutral face when he got in the car and drives off.  
“You really had to show me that fandom of mine next time.”

Raph’s phone is blaring again.  
“Donnie, can you pick it up from my pocket?” he asked. Donnie nodded and got the phone.  
“It’s Leo,” he said as he pressed the “Answer”.  
“Hello?”  
“Raph?! Donnie?!” The other line seemed stressed and livid. “HELP! Mikey is-“  
“Leo, calm down. What happened to Mikey?” Donnie asked with concern. This is his best friend they are talking about.  
“He passed by a gang territory! He is injured on his arm!” Leo said, starting to panic. “I’m on my car with him right now!”  
“Okay, let’s meet at your house and I’ll treat him.” Donnie said.  
“O… Okay.” Leo stammered. “Raph knows the way!”  
“Alright. Just calm down, Leo. Ready some bandages and water.” Donnie added.  
“Okay…” Leo said and breathes out. Raph can feel the tense in Leo’s voice.  
Donnie bid goodbye to Leo and closed the call.

“Is Leo’s house far from here?” Donnie asked.  
‘It’s not that far. We will be there shortly.” He answered. “How will you able to cure Mikey?” He asked then.  
“I had my medic bag with my bass bag…” He explained yet a little bashful. “I’m a trained medic.”  
Raph got a little surprised by the information. But he smiled after. His Donnie really is a full package. He wanted to punch his past self that he already got the right one before.  
But he let him go.

“Well, hold on tight. I’ll speed a little to get there.”

This one, he will never let Donnie go.


	8. Thank You For Loving Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Embrace (TMNT) BAND AU  
> Chapter 8: Thank You For Loving Me by Bon Jovi
> 
> Note/Warning: Tcest (RxD, LxM), Rock band stuff, OOC-ness, bad language, tragic stuff, mature stuff (IMPLIED), music will vary on degrees
> 
> Inspired from AmorTortuga's Time To Pretend fanfic!
> 
> The one with the ITALICS are Raph's flashbacks or can be called as memory triggers. I see a lot of fanfics regarding amnesia that the one who had memory loss is the one who had triggers, I made it the opposite since it adds effect because of Raph's guilt and conscience.  
> The one with (" ") is usually Raph's thoughts.
> 
> LxM centric!  
> Music Man is a guitar manufacturer. When I was writing this chapter, I'm thinking of guitar brands and this one went to my head for some reason. And I just realized that it's John Myung's brand guitar! (He is the bassist of Dream Theater, my most favorite bassist and the inspiration behind Donnie's role)  
> This song is special because it's my parents' theme song. The "different lifestyle" situation happened to a friend's relationship before.  
> And due note to that Musashi replica sword Mikey is supposed to give to Leo because it will have more role in the future chapters.

The two ran inside of Leo’s house. The vocalist pointed out his room and before the two band mates can get in, Donnie slammed the door, signifying that no one must enter while he heals Mikey.

Raphael can see Leo had a deep breath before sitting down beside him.  
“You better start talking Fearless.” Raph said. Other from Lamenardo or Dork, the band calls him “Fearless Leader”, as he is the reason why they have a different label company and it’s a lot better than their previous one. But this Leo, he is the opposite of Fearless. Raph knew how much Leo loves Mikey.  
“He saw Karai.” He muttered.  
“I told you to tell it to him.” Raph said.  
“I didn’t.” Leo said with a huge regret in his voice. “And I always give what he wants, why he won’t allow me to have my turn…” He said as he angrily kicked his legs.  
“I think Mikester noticed that. But he is not being unfair.” Raph said.  
“Well, he doesn’t like traditional stuff. Heck, I really don’t know why he likes me.” Leo said.  
The door opened and revealed to be Donnie. Leo stood up quickly.  
“Donnie how’s Mi-“  
“Here. He said you could invite anyone you want except him.” Donnie said as he put it on Leo’s hands.  
Two tickets to Leo’s favorite Japanese opera.  
“Raph, can you help me cook something for Mikey?” Donnie asked.  
Raph stood up and nodded. “Sure.” Then, the two walked to the kitchen.  
“He is sleeping but you can stay there.” Donnie last added before going ahead.  
Leo felt a huge heavy pit on his heart. The tickets are expensive. No wonder Mikey have a lot of overtime in his job as sound engineer in the studio.  
He opened the door and went inside.

“You know, this past month, Mikey often asks me about Japanese culture.” Donnie said. “I think he does that so he will be knowledgeable enough for Leo’s interests.”  
“I told Leo about Mikey is not unfair.” Raph said as he chopped the vegetables. “Those two had completely different upbringings. They are both born in Japan, yet, Leo came from a wealthy family, even had a bloodline of samurais. That’s why Japanese culture is in him.”  
“While Mikey lived in the slums, he took jobs at a young age. He had talents in any form of art. That’s why he’s here. Leo saved Mikey and became friends since then. He always wanted to bring Leo to a date involving anything he likes… Yet he can’t afford it.”  
Raph stared at Donnie. Even before, the Mikester and him were best friends. Donnie is the only person who knew Mikey inside and out, second is Leo as sometimes, Mikey never dare sharing anything to the vocalist as he doesn’t want Leo because he had his own problems to mind.

“Mikey confides to me that he hates being poor because he can’t give anything for Leo to be happy. One time, Mikey wanted to give Leo a sword that his mother gave to him before she passed on. It was similar to Musashi’s sword, so it can be say it is a replica. He got to the party. Leo received a lot of authentic swords from blacksmiths. Mikey knew Leo was upset he didn’t give anything. But Leo didn’t know Mikey is a lot more upset by what happened.” Donnie spoke while stirring the broth.

Raphael remembered a similar scenario before. When Donnie was the one who gave him the red guitar, which is a replica. He laughed at him that time. When he “died”, Raph saw the guitar in Donnie’s room in his house and that became his signature guitar ever since. In exchange, Raph sold the vintage guitar, the prize from the notorious bet and bought him a Music Man bass guitar, still remained untouched in Donnie’s room.

Leo sat beside Mikey, who is sleeping gently. He saw the cuts and bruises to his body and worse is the gash on his left arm. He arrived at the scene and protected Mikey but he is not on time earlier when Mikey was being slashed on the arm.  
“I’m sorry…”Leo whispered as his tears cascaded down to his cheeks. He knew how much Mikey endured before in his side of the family before they gave him blessing. Leo knew he is the one being unfair. He is amazed by Mikey’s bravery and being hard working, yes, stubborn but high spirited and talented. Mikey is a diamond in the rough so to speak. He knew that convention is an excuse for his to give the tickets after. He messed everything up. He kissed Mikey’s forehead, held his hand and placed it on Leo’s cheek.

“Why are you still here? You can invite Karai if you wanted. It’s fine with me,”  
Leo looked up and saw an upset Mikey, looking away from his gaze.  
“I told you I’m not with her anymore. I’d rather not go there if I’m not with you.” Leo spoke. It hoped it will make Mikey feel better. But it seemed it made Mikey more upset.  
“I don’t want to see you.”  
Leo’s eyes widened. Mikey never said anything like that. He was never this angry. As respect, Leo just stood up and left.

The ramen is done and they saw Leonardo sitting, seemed a lot more distressed than before. Donnie just proceeded to the room with a bowl of ramen for Mikey.  
Raph offered Leo a bowl of ramen but he got remained quiet.  
“Alright, Fearless. Tell me everything or I’ll punch you in the face.” Raph menacingly said.  
After the short talk, Raph just got quiet as well.  
“You’re an idiot.” Raph said. Leo only sighed. “Saying that made Mikey’s effort useless.”

Donnie went outside and he is not very happy.  
“I told him the same thing so calm down.” Raph said to calm Donnie.  
“So, how would you fix this, oh, Fearless Leader?” Donnie asked irritably.

The next day, Mikey opened his eyes because of the sunlight peeking through the blinds. He lazily stretches and sat up.  
“Oh, man, I’m hungry…. Maybe I should go to L-“ He stopped, he is still angry at him. Well, sorry that he’s poor, sorry that he can’t give everything! Sorry that he didn’t have a freaking life like his! His blood boiled but it simmered down by a deep, relaxing sigh.  
“Maybe I should get one on the way home.” He took off the blanket on him and heard the door opened.  
He saw Raph and Donnie, with a guitar and a beat box. He was supposed to ask what’s going on until Raph started playing.

It's hard for me to say the things  
I want to say sometimes  
There's no one here but you and me  
And that broken old street light

He knows that voice. That voice that he loved the most. He saw his boyfriend went inside, singing with heartfelt and apology.

I never knew I had a dream  
Until that dream was you  
When I look into your eyes  
The sky's a different blue

Leo rarely sings to him because of his band duties. Well, not all relationships are perfect, there are ups and downs. He just let the issues to Leo slip by yet it sometimes haunts him.

You pick me up when I fall down  
You ring the bell before they count me out (This reminded me of Frankenpup’s ALIB)  
If I was drowning you would part the sea  
And risk your own life to rescue me

He loved Leo. He really does. Sometimes he thought of breaking up with him because of his living. There’s no point in a relationship if both parties are not happy. But he can’t bear the heartbreak, not to Leo but to himself.

Thank you for loving me  
For being my eyes  
When I couldn't see  
You parted my lips  
When I couldn't breathe  
Thank you for loving me  
When I couldn't fly  
Oh, you gave me wings  
You parted my lips  
When I couldn't breathe  
Thank you for loving me

His voice soothes him and enjoying the melody they created. Call him a cheesy turtle but he liked being pampered like this especially from Leo, as he is a stoic person and never does silly things.

“Mikey.”He said as he bent down on one knee. The musicians left the room for privacy, this is all they could do and not to meddle much in their relationship.  
“Mikey… I’m sorry regarding my actions. I really want to come with you in the show. I never mean to make your gift effortless. I really, really loved it. I’m sorry that I called you unfair. My family taught me to never judge a person by their lifestyle. I should be the one to understand. I’m proud of my boyfriend and I loved everything about him. You gave me much love ever since. I’m sorry for being not transparent. I’ll tell you everything that happened.” Leo bowed his head down. “I don’t want to fight with you anymore. I missed you.” He whispered. “Please forgive me.”

All he heard are sniffles.  
“I’m sorry I can’t make you happy.” Mikey sobbed. Leo looked up.  
“I really tried to make you happy.” The patient said, trying to wipe his tears away. “I tried what I could but I never meet your expectations. You gave too much to me and I thought…”  
The vocalist reached out and embraced the crying turtle, whispering to calm down.  
“I really thank you for loving a boring person like me.” Leo said. “I really don’t know why you loved me.”  
“Because… You’re you.” Mikey hiccupped.  
“Mikey… Just having you is enough for me. Please calm down.” He said while rubbing the shell of the little turtle. They remained like that for minutes.  
“I forgive you.” Mikey said. Leo felt a huge relief inside as he hugged closer.  
“You still need to come with me to that opera. Don’t worry, I’ll translate and tell you everything you need to know. Kind of what you did to me to Justice Force.” He said, smiling.

They parted and Mikey smiled as well but Leo can sense discomfort.  
“Mikey, what’s wrong?”  
He looked away. “I wasn’t your first anymore.”  
“Your first what?” he asked, confused.  
“Well, your first everything!” He pouted and turned around.  
Then, it hit Leo. Oh, that one. Mikey had been proud by that. Michelangelo squeaked as Leo brings him on his lap.  
“Well… You are my first friend, first best friend, first boyfriend…”  
“Not anymore.” Mikey whimpered.  
“Technically, you are my first boyfriend.” He smiled.  
“First girlfriend? And first love? Possibly crush?” Mikey asked, being anxious.  
“Hmm…” Leo thought. “Nope. It’s all about you.”  
What? I don’t understand.”  
Leo smiled and planted his lips on Mikey’s forehead.  
“Mikey, that was an arranged marriage.”

“WHAT?!” Mikey shouted. An arranged marriage?! He didn’t know anything about this!  
“Yes but I do not love her.” Leo said. “We tried to forward it but I can’t, as somebody took my heart already.” He pulled Mikey closer once more.  
“Michelangelo is my first boyfriend, my first crush… And my first love. He always is.” He rubbed Mikey’s head that made both of them relaxed. The blue vocalist then leaned forward and kissed his boyfriend’s lips. Mikey gladly accepted it.

“You think they are alright now?” Donnie asked as they planned to take a peek. They got frigid in their place when they heard soft churrs and moans in the room.  
“I think they are fine more than we expected.” Raph said, as if trying to hide his blush.

“Raph, I had a great time.” Donnie smiled. “Thank you.”  
Raph smiled back. “No, thank you…” He felt immense comfort in being with Don now.  
“I’m glad I’m able to help.” Donnie said. “See you at the gig then.”


	9. Your Love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Embrace (TMNT) BAND AU  
> Chapter 9: Your Love by Alamid //THE SONG RAPH SANG TO DON
> 
> Songs:  
> Agent Orange cover:  
> -Smells Like Teen Spirit by Nirvana  
> -Welcome To The Jungle by GNR  
> -Smoke On The Water by Deep Purple //THE SONG WHERE DON AND APRIL SWITCH GUITARS //You'll know this song if you watched School of Rock (The scene of Dewey (Jack) and Zack)
> 
> Note/Warning: Tcest (RxD, LxM), Rock band stuff, OOC-ness, bad language, tragic stuff, mature stuff, music will vary on degrees
> 
> Inspired from AmorTortuga's Time To Pretend fanfic!
> 
> The one with the ITALICS are Raph's flashbacks or can be called as memory triggers. I see a lot of fanfics regarding amnesia that the one who had memory loss is the one who had triggers, I made it the opposite since it adds effect because of Raph's guilt and conscience.  
> The one with (" ") is usually Raph's thoughts.
> 
> THIS IS A HUGE CHAPTER HOLY SH-  
> 10 pages ahahaha  
> Yes, my waifuu and I had a convo that Raph is a guitar god but not in singing (Inspired from John Petrucci of DT, a kickass leadist yet he sang this song "The Spirit Carries On" and I just died-)  
> YES DONNIE HAD A RAPHIE BLOG! Soon, Raph will do something about this.  
> You know, I'm scared that whenever I show teasers to her, she just "Dude, this is exactly what I felt in this moment when-" I just "What-"  
> Oh yeah, trivia! In the original story, the sick one is supposed to be the girl (Donnie) and he is falling from the stage because of his fatigue but the guy (Raph) caught her. But I changed the plot.  
> There are some hints there for future chapters i.e. Raph teaching Donnie lead guitar, Raph having a blog like Donnie and so forth.
> 
> Next chapter, DONNIE TAKING CARE OF POOR SICKISH RAPHIE.

Every time I hear our music play  
Reminds me of the things that we've been through  
In my mind I can't believe it's true  
But in my heart the reality is you

I am all alone without you  
My days are dark without a glimpse of you  
But now that you came into my life  
I feel complete  
The flowers bloom, my morning shines  
And I can see

Your love is like the sun  
That lights up my whole world  
I feel the warmth inside  
Your love is like the river  
That flows down through my veins  
I feel the chill inside  
-Your Love, Alamid

Raph went home, a little exhausted because of the fiasco that happened. But he is very, very happy. Donnie helped him “moved on” in a sense.  
He sat on his bed and picked his acoustic guitar, a plain black painted with purple swirl design around the hollowed circle.

_“I want you to keep it.” Donnie shyly said as he handed his precious acoustic guitar. Raph forgot his own guitar and they had an acoustic gig that night._  
“Please take care of it.” He followed. The ignorant Raph just nodded and turned around.  
“Raph…”  
“Yeah?” He smugly asked.  
“If I die, can you play our song with that guitar?” 

_He almost broke the guitar because of his wild nature. It was an acoustic gig again. Due to excitement, Raph swung the guitar upward but Leo stopped him as he knew it was Don’s. Raph can see how shocked Don is that night. As usual, he remained quiet the whole gig._  
When Donnie “died” in the first night, Raphael mourned. He stared at the guitar and remembered what Donnie said. His promise.  
He picked the guitar and felt Donnie’s presence on it. He remembered he is the only one Don trusted. He cleaned it and replaced the strings. He never trusted anyone on borrowing this guitar but Raph only.  
Teardrops fell on the frets of the guitar as he ran his fingers on the strings.  
“My Donnie wanted a song from his boyfriend?” He sniffed as he looked at the dark sky in the veranda.  
“I’ll play it for you every night… So listen, okay?” 

Donnie crashed on his bed when his phone blared. He checked it. It seemed to be an attachment. A sound file from Raph. He opened it.  
Sweet melody played on his phone. He knew this song. It’s one of his favorites. He didn’t expect Raph to play it for him.  
He got surprised that he heard the guitarist sing. Raph sang!  
But Donnie giggled and blushed. It’s like Raph is serenading him. He sighed happily.  
They say when you’re in love, you’re blind AND deaf.

As usual, our red lead guitarist woke up in the afternoon again. Today is Don’s first gig of his new band. He slowly grabbed his phone and checked it.

**Donnie: I really loved it! Thank you.**

He smiled. He always wanted to play for him now, like what he had to two years ago. Raph felt dizzy all of a sudden. He went back to his bed and rolled a blanket over him.

“Raph? Raph?” He can hear Leo’s voice from downstairs. Crap. He would be in trouble. He didn’t show up in their meeting place. He felt heavy for some reason and his eyes are getting droopy.  
“Raph?” Leo knocked on his door. He tried to get up but his body is like jelly.  
“I’ll go in, okay?” Leo said. The lead guitarist is unable to speak, felt like his throat is stuck up.  
“Good afternoon… Hey, are you alright?” He asked with concern and walked until he is beside his band mate.  
“I’m okay. Give me a couple of minutes.” He slurred. He really felt tired for some reason.  
A hand was over his forehead.  
“Raph, you have a fever.” Leo said. “You should rest, I’ll cancel the-“  
“No! Don’t!” Raph wheezed. “I’ll be fine. Continue the gig tonight!” He interrupted.  
“You don’t even have enough energy to get off the bed.” The vocalist reasoned out. “You’re not in the right condition to perform.”  
“Just don’t cancel it. Don’t. I’ll be alright.” Raph reassured. It made Leo stopped. The vocalist knew he is doing this for Donnie. It’s their first gig. He knew the new band will be upset.  
Leonardo sighed deeply.  
“You had to fully rest until tonight. You have to tell me if you’re not feeling well, okay? I’ll notify Don-“  
“No! Don’t!” He interrupted once more. Leo just stared at him.  
“Fine.” Leo muttered. “I’ll cook some soup. No complaints, I know how to cook it. Mikey taught me so no comments that I’ll burn the house down.” He dryly countered Raph as Leo left the room.  
He really felt shit. Why now out of all days?! Donnie and him just got closer, there’s no way he’ll jeopardize this!  
And shit. He forgot to reply to Donnie. He groaned and rolled with his blanket. Grasping the phone, he distanced the screen away from him as it is too bright for him suddenly.

**Raph: I’m just glad you liked it. Sorry, late reply.  
** Donnie: It’s no problem. I’m a little nervous tonight.  
Raph: Don’t be, you’ll be fine. Anyway, I’m curious to this fandom of mine. I’m planning to surf the internet right now. Can I have your blog name?  
Donnie: Oh, uh, I don’t think that’s a good idea.  
Raph: Why not?  
Donnie: Well, you don’t really want to know. 

It made Raph’s curiosity increased. He wondered why Don doesn’t want to show it and his blog as well. Only one person entered his mind.  
 **Raph: Hey, Mike. Did you know Don’s blog?  
** Mikey: Yup! Here it is! [link]. Don’t tell him though.  
Raph: Thanks.

Raph opened the laptop beside him and entered the link.  
Raphaelishot.tumblr.com  
(“Wow. Just wow. Heh. He thinks I’m hot.”) He pressed Enter.  
He stared at it, it’s an ordinary blog of science stuff, random dance videos and… Wait.  
It’s full of Raph’s pictures and those moving pictures repeatedly. He saw seemed to be an argument of him and some people.

“He isn’t a bad guy! He had emotional problems he needs to get through!”

“He changed and regretted his past actions!”

Donnie is defending him.

_“He is a great guy… Just misunderstood.”_  
“I know he loves me! He will never cheat on me!”  
“I trust him with my whole heart!” 

This nerd is unbelievable. He had unbreakable spirit. With memory or not, he is still defending him.  
He will do something about this. He felt annoyed that some people are bashing his love.

Raphie: Anyway, if you didn’t want to, let’s do an alternate question.  
Donnie: Well, okay. I know some information about you because rock star and all. But I’m glad I can ask questions to you.  
Raph: Okay then. I’ll start. What degree you got in college?  
Donnie: Uhm… I took up medic training, chemical engineering and now studying acoustic technology.

Damn this kid. Raph didn’t get to know Donnie better because of the bet. But if he knew him better, their course will definitely change.

**Donnie: My turn. Do you have any pets?  
** Raph: Nope. But I wanted one.  
Donnie: Oohh! I have one here! I saved him when some dudes are trying to attack him.  
Raph: What animal?  
Donnie: A turtle.  
Raph: Great, a turtle. Like me.  
Donnie: Hey, he’s nice! I named him Spike, after your drummer, Spike.  
Raph: Well, he is my best friend. Alright then. Do you have any other talents?  
Donnie: I had one besides playing bass. I dance. 

Oh, yeah. He remembered. He was in this hip hop dance crew before going to be a musician. When they first met, he is completely disgusted by what he wore. He felt extremely stupid now.

**Raph: That’s great.  
** Donnie: Have you dates someone after that bassist dude?  
Raph: … Nope. Don, are we dating? 

He slapped himself after he hit send. That is a risky and a stupid question! This is definitely the fever talking. Fuck, he never felt this nervous.  
Donnie: Well, we had our first date a few days ago, right?

He can see Donnie giggling cutely.  
 **Donnie: I still can’t believe I’m dating… You know my idol.  
** Raph: You don’t have to think that.  
Donnie: I know. Why did you date me?

By reading this, Raph, despite his sickish state, wanted to answer acceptable and serious.  
 **Raph: Donnie, I think you are more special than you think. I mean, I felt this peace whenever I’m with you. I hope that is a good answer.**

To his mind, it fucking isn’t. The thing he texted is really a common sweet sappy thing to get girls!  
 **Donnie: Thank you, Raph. I wanted to say the same to you, too.**

They continued to get to know more (while eating the crab soup Leo made, which for the first time isn’t taste bad). Their favorites, dislikes, opinions and habits. They spent the whole day texting.  
The swing of the door interrupted Raph.  
“Raph, I thought you’re taking rest. We have the gig in an hour left!” Leo said, exasperated.  
“I’m alright, Leo.” Raph grunted as he got up. His vision got blurred once again, especially when he stood up.  
He still feels weak. But he promised to make Donnie happy. 

The Agent Orange band just stared at the venue. The stage is pretty big and there are a lot of people already. They proceeded to the back stage to join the main act.  
“I’m a little nervous.” Tim said.  
“Me too,” April followed.  
“Guys, we practiced well. We can do this!” Mikey exclaimed, as always being the one with the positive energy.  
“Looks like somebody is happy today.” Tim teased while the others are giggling.  
“Well because he is very happy with his vocalist.” Donnie said. It made the orange vocalist blushed.  
“The Mikester isn’t the only turtle here who is happy. I heard that there is a certain someone that is dating the lead guitarist of Octavarium.” Timothy said as Donnie looked away. Mikey laughed after.

They went backstage and saw the main event setting up. They stopped when they noticed the front act approaching them.  
“Mikey!” Leo greeted, smiling at the beloved vocalist and helped him carry Mikey’s bags.  
“Leo! It’s alright! I can carry-“  
“Your arm is still healing.” He said with that “authority” tone.  
“You don’t need to treat me like a baby, Leo.” He cheekily said.  
“What? You are my baby, right?” Leo smirked.  
The comment made Mikey squeaked, blushing in embarrassment. “Leo!”  
The blue partner just chuckled.  
Raph walked towards Donnie and just grabbed his bass bag. Donnie knew this is his gesture that he’ll carry the things. He can tell the two bands are sneering at what they saw. It’s incredibly rare for the lead guitarist to do that. He doesn’t care to others much, even before.  
The Octavarium helped the new band set up.

“Say, uh… Can I help you set your lead guitar?” Casey offered to the serious April who is eyeing Raph and Don, having a casual talk.  
“No, thank you.” April said politely. She noticed this guy had been disturbing her ever since they met. Well, technically, they already crossed roads before. April knew he is the other suspect.  
“Well, your tuning is wrong.”  
“Excuse me?”  
“Your low E string sounds lower.”  
“No, it’s not.”  
“Yes, it is.”  
“No, it’s not!”  
“Alright, guys.” Leo stopped, eyeing the two combatants. “Time to finish this badgering. I’ll decide if it’s tuned or not.”  
“If I’m right, you’re going to go on a date with me.” Casey said with a smug face.  
April just glared at the bassist. “Fine. If I’m right, leave me alone!”  
“Done.” Casey said.  
April plucked the low E or the top string.  
After Leo’s silence. “April…”  
The lead guitarist started to smile.  
“Your tuning is wrong.”

“Hey, guys! We are the band Agent Orange!” Mikey greeted with immense joy. “We hope you like the songs we’re going to play! Big thanks to Octavarium for this opportunity!”  
The main act is at the back of the stage. The front man of Octavarium is admiring how accommodating Mikey is to the audience.  
They started to play. Their first song of the set. Casey is grinning widely when April started to strum the riff. Not long, Tim’s beats came in.  
Raph never left his eyes off the purple bassist. Donnie had this calm demeanor that he will never comprehend. He can see the crowd is started to appreciate the performance. This song is famous, which is basically on the grunge genre. This is a trademark song sung by one of the most respected bands.

The next song they performed is a lot of heightened lead playing from April. He got to say no wonder Casey is eyeing this lady. But to him, the bassist cutie beside her is the one he is eyeing.  
Damn, is this the headache talking? It’s definitely the headache talking. Yet, the raw energy of the band playing is completely like adrenaline. His band is definitely impressed to the front act they chose.  
The last song is quite a surprise, due to April and Donnie switching guitars. Raph smirked seeing Donnie with a lead guitar, it totally gave a different impression. Donnie started to strum the guitar. He can really rock on.  
Just, damn.

_“You are not suited for lead. Heck, you are too tightly screwed up. Lead guitarists are mayhem dudes.”_  
Ah, fuck. His headache intensifies.  
“Will you teach me?” He sweetly asked.  
“Fuck, no!” He scowled. Worst part is, while talking, a girl is on his lap, letting her touch his guitar. 

He is amazed by Donnie that he still loved him. He hoped someday that Don will ask the same question again. He’d love to teach him. After all, it’s such a turn on for his Donnie doing that windmill technique.

The audience cheered to the great show. The band started to remove their gear and went down the stage. The Agent Orange members are smiling.  
“Guys! That was awesome!” Mikey squealed as they made a group hug. Leo smiled, as Mikey got himself into band business again. Also, it reminded him of the times they are still the Shell Shocker. The former drummer beamed a smile at him.  
“That’s great Mikey!” He said, embracing the small turtle.

“I must’ve played sloppy in the lead guitar.” Donnie shyly said. Raph just stared in disbelief.  
“What are you talking about? You’re awesome!” Raph said.  
“Uhm, thanks.” Donnie replied.  
All of a sudden, Donnie’s face seemed to be distorted. He shook his head and closed his eyes, his vision is alright again.  
“Raph, are you alright?” Donnie asked. Raph can see the worry on his face.  
“I’m alright… I’m alright…” He said, trying to convince Donnie.  
“We better go ahead.” Leo commanded as they go to the stage.

“Well, not bad for a girl who doesn’t even tune right.” Casey mocked.  
“At least, I got more girl and boy fans than you.” April said, recalling that she gained fans quickly after their first gig.

The Octavarium finished setting up and the previous band watched them in the front part of the stage. The audience cheers got louder when Leo started to speak.  
“Welcome to the show!” He shouted. It got insanely louder. The other band cheered as well.  
“Big thanks for coming guys! Also, big thanks to the band Agent Orange! This was their first gig! Surely this will not be the last time we’ll see them!”  
Raph, on the other hand, started to feel that he’s floating. He can feel his short breaths. He noticed Donnie is staring at him, sensing something is up.  
As the song played, Raph tried to move around and concentrate on his playing. This is his shot to impress Don. Thank goodness he knew the chorus and the riff even blindfolded. When it got to his lead part, the crowd starting to scream loud especially the girls. But he only looked at one person.  
The one who is staring at him too.  
He’s lucky that the others are covering him up. He felt his energy is draining drastically. He did simple guitar tricks and movements. His sight becomes worse each minute.

In the end, the show is successful much to Raph’s relief. He really felt shitty now. The excitement of the crowd never simmered down. They went backstage. The new band congratulated Octavarium for a great show by a couple of beers.  
“That’s great Leo!” Mikey screamed as he hugged his boyfriend.  
“Where’s Don?” Raph asked, being slurred but not for being drunk. Heck, he never touched any beer.  
“I thought he’s with us, April.” Tim said.  
Raph’s eyes widened when the people got a little chaotic.

_“Raphie… I’m not comfortable to my room. It’s very small.” Donnie said with embarrassment on his face. “Can I sleep with you?”  
“No, go to your own room.”_

Raph didn’t know Don had a mild case of being claustrophobic. He realized that when April took him and slept in her house that night.

He ran then, trying to drag his feet. In the sea of people, he had a hard time finding him, even if he is only on the front area of the stage.  
“DON! DON!” He screamed. He pushed the spectators away, trying to make way through. He got faster the time he saw a turtle with a leather jacket. He only stood still there. He can see the man is unable to separate himself. That’s Donnie.  
Big arms engulfed the scared Donnie. He blushed when he realized the one hugging him is Raph. The lead guitarist is using his last bits of his energy to get out of the screaming and the crazy people. They stopped walking when they are now in the safe zone, the back stage.  
Raph still held Don protectively on his chest.  
“You okay?” He asked with a hoarse voice. Raph is panting as he released Don from his grasp. The bassist just nodded as an answer but his eyes showed much worry to him instead. Raph lost his balance and luckily Don caught him, his head on his shoulder.  
Damn it, he wanted to be the tough guy in front of Donnie, not being a wimp.  
“Raph! Raph! Answer me!” Donnie panicked, the rest of his band members, especially Leo, noticed this. The moment Donnie touched Raph, he is burning up!  
Raph barely had the strength to open his eyes any longer. He felt he is being lifted up. Before he closed his world, all he sees is his love’s face.


	10. The Day You Said Goodnight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Embrace (TMNT) BAND AU  
> Chapter 10: The Day You Said Goodnight by Hale  
> P.S. My lil shits and I made a cover of this but I'm so shy to post it here ahaha XD Should I post it here? XD
> 
> Note/Warning: Tcest (RxD, LxM), Rock band stuff, OOC-ness, bad language, tragic stuff, mature stuff, music will vary on degrees
> 
> Inspired from AmorTortuga's Time To Pretend fanfic!
> 
> The one with the ITALICS are Raph's flashbacks or can be called as memory triggers. I see a lot of fanfics regarding amnesia that the one who had memory loss is the one who had triggers, I made it the opposite since it adds effect because of Raph's guilt and conscience.  
> The one with BOLD are the text messages.  
> The one with (" ") is usually Raph's thoughts.
> 
> Yes, there is a turtle!Spike and the mutated!Spike 8D Yeah, I made Don the first owner of Spike. Also, Raph's first kiss from Donnie (after two years)! And Octavarium will have a tour! You go, Raphie! You go!

The calmness in your face  
That I see through the night  
The warmthress your light is pressing unto us  
You didn't ask me why  
I never would have known  
oblivion is falling down

-The Day You Said Goodnight, Hale

_“Raphie, are you feeling better?” He saw Donnie after. His face had the expression of worry. He groaned.  
“Yeah, yeah.” He answered. By Donnie’s care he felt like he is king. Yet, he is still rebellious about it.  
“Raphie, you shouldn’t drink some soft drinks!” Don warned.  
“I’ll do whatever the fuck I want, okay?!” Raph grumpily said as he gulped a lot of coke. “And don’t call me Raphie. Only Leo and Mikey are allowed to call me that.”  
“Why is that?” Don asked with sadness, curiosity and a little jealousy.  
“They are my best friends.” He lastly said before going back to his room._

He never stopped taking care of his despite that. Donnie is always there.  
(“Donnie… I’m sorry… I truly am.”) The patient still feel tried but he can now manage to open his teary eyes.  
“Raph! Thank goodness you’re awake.” Donnie said, having a huge relief. But he got surprised when he saw the tears.  
“Raph, are you alright? Did you have a nightmare?” He sat down on the bed, with a small, clean towel and wiped the tears on the corner of Raph’s eyes.  
“Donnie, what happened?” He dared asked. Last thing he knew he fainted on Don’s shoulder.  
“You are very feverish. Leo and Spike helped you carry back here at your home. In my diagnose you are still treatable, as Spike preferred for you to rest at home instead of the hospital, as he said you are afraid of needles.” He smiled.  
Raph’s eyes widened. He will so kill Spike.  
“Where are the others?” He asked, he noticed that Donnie looked very tired. He wondered what day it is too.  
“Leo and Casey went to buy some food and medicine. Spike is downstairs cooking your favorite soup.” He answered.

“Don…”  
“Yes?”  
“How long I passed out?”  
“Three days.”  
He sat up. Three freaking days?!  
“You are really, really so tired. You should have cancelled the gig. I noticed you are not energetic that night.” Donnie reasoned. “I assumed something is wrong but I let it slipped. I’m sorry.” Don bowed down.  
“You have nothing to apologize for, Don… I just glad you’re here.” Raph said.  
Even until now, Donnie is still taking care of him.  
“In fact, I should be the one taking care of you, Don.” Raph continued. The bassist just looked up at him. “You looked very tired. You can rest in the other room.” This meant the guest room or Donnie’s old room.  
“I’ll just lie on the couch…” Don smiled.  
“No! Don, please sleep on the bed. I don’t want to treat my guest bad.” Raph smiled and besides, this is his date.  
“Well… Thank you, Raphie.” He blushingly said.  
Raphie.  
He called him Raphie.  
When Donnie saw a different reaction based on Raph’s face.  
“Oh! I’m sorry! I shouldn’t call you that!” He tried to reason.  
“Why is that?” Raph asked.  
“It’s your affectionate nickname and… You only allowed your close friends to say it.”  
(“Yeah, to close friends… But not to his boyfriend.”)  
“I don’t mind you calling me that. In fact, I like it.” Raph spoke. “Besides, we are friends, aren’t we? I mean… Dating.” He shyly continued. The bassist’s reply is a cute smile.  
When their relationship progressed before, Don rarely smiled.  
“Oh, yeah! Remember the turtle pet I have? Here. He’s yours.” Donnie said as he picked a bowl. It’s a turtle like him. The owner let the turtle out.  
“Uhh… I’m not good in animals.” Raph said.  
“Don’t worry, you just need some lettuces, water and probably a big container and stuff he can play on!” Donnie rambled.  
“Okay but you visit him here, alright? I’m not a good owner.” Raph spoke. “He might miss his owner.”  
“He’ll keep you company and I will.” Donnie said then faced the turtle pet. “Alright, Spike, this is your new owner. His name is Raph. You know the rock star we always talked about?” Donnie said, the turtle just stared and chewing his leaf. Raph just watched the two. He got to admit, Donnie and his turtle pet are adorable.   
“Why did you decide to give me your pet?” Raph asked.  
“Well, you seemed lonely, Raphie. You had no one in this house.” He shyly answered, feeling sorry that he had to explain it.  
But it’s all true. He admitted on the inside he needed company in this house. But it’s too early to invite Don and live in with him again. They are not officially together. He wanted to court Donnie, like before. This time with serious intent.

“What about you? You don’t have a pet.” Raph said.  
“Don’t worry. Chong is still there.”  
“Chong?”  
“Uhh… Yeah. Chong.” Donnie smiled.  
“What animal is he?”  
Donnie gulped and seemed doesn’t want to answer the question.  
“What?” Raph asked again.  
“It’s… It’s a… Roach.”  
Raph just remained silent. He imagined that Donnie is taking care of an “abomination”. His eye just twitched.  
“Okay, let’s just slip it through, alright?” Donnie quickly said as he sensed extreme discomfort from Raph.  
(“My cutie’s pet is a cockroach… Why did it had to be a cockroach?!”)

“You should rest more… Raphie. We’ll wake you up if you needed to eat or take your medicine.” He smiled.  
“Donnie… Thank you very much for taking care of me.” Raph closed his eyes. “I really am glad.” And he rested. There’s no need having a short argument as Don’s his doctor right now. It will only upset him if he disobeyed. His mind starting to shut off for recovery when he felt something touched his cheeks.  
Could it be?  
Donnie kissed him?  
He opened his eyes very wide up. Then he closed it again, he acted as if he already is asleep but he is freaking panicking.  
“No, thank you, Raphie.” He heard Donnie left the room. His body got immobile. He remembered those soft lips touching his cheek.  
And now, he can’t sleep because of it.  
Then again, Donnie is starting to open to him. He is dating him now. But what if his memories return? All of these will crumble. He just hoped Donnie will still accept him. He is not ready to confess everything to him. But everyday he felt he is lying to Donnie like before.  
Now, he felt shitty again.

The door opened, revealing to be Spike with his tomato soup.  
“Nice pet turtle you had there.” Spike smiled as he handed him the bowl of soup and sat down. “What’s his name?”  
“Spike.” He muttered as he slurped.  
“Perfect choice for a name.” He sneered. The turtle just ate his leaves and stared at them.  
“Have you told Don that we are planning to get them as the front act to our tour?” The larger turtle asked.  
“Not yet.” He said. “He is too busy… Looking after me… God damn it… Did he sleep on the guest room?”  
“Yeah…” Spike nodded. “He liked the room to be honest and he is eyeing the bass guitar there. It’s his in the first place, right?” Spike grinned and faced the turtle. “Hey mini me, take care of this knucklehead, alright?” He said. The turtle just bit his leaf.  
“Wow, this turtle eats a lot of leaves.”  
“Yeah, he eats like you.” He chuckles as Spike stood up.  
“I got to go to Leo to notify him. You know, being Fearless Leader as usual.” Spike shrugged as he gave one last pat on Raph’s arm and left.

He realized he is bored. Maybe he’ll talk to the other Spike?  
“You know, Spike.” He spoke. It’s a little odd to call the same name as his best bud. “You had such a cutie owner. You know, I’m dating him now, yet, I haven’t told the truth that he and I were together before. I’m too blind not to see that he loves me. I mean, he takes care of me, makes me satisfied, he is the cutest person I’ve ever met! I mean, why I didn’t saw that?! He’s smart and had a soft heart… Yet I broke it. I want to make up to him. But really, I had to make myself sick just now and he took care of me again.” He breathed out. “I want him to know… I feel the same. Do you think he will forgive me?” Raph asked.  
The turtle just blinked at him. “Okay, chew on your leaf if you think he’ll forgive me?” he said.  
The turtle bit the lettuce.  
“Really? Yeah, I thought so.”

“Are you sure about that?”  
Raph screamed a little but stopped when he saw another best bud, Casey.  
“What the shell, man? You got to knock or something.” Raph said as he coughed.  
“Easy there, bro.” Casey said as he sat down beside him. “Donnie sent me here. He said you need to drink this medicine.”  
“Yeah… Thanks.” Raph muttered. “So you said otherwise, huh?”  
“Not really… I had a hunch though… Two years ago… April seemed had it.” Casey muttered.  
“Huh?”  
“April had feelings for Donnie.”

 

“Thank goodness your fever is now gone.” Donnie said with relief. “Your tour will now continue!”  
“How? How did you know?!” Raph said, with eyes widened. They haven’t told anything about the tour!  
“Mikey. I learned it from Mikey.” Don giggled. Raph just glared. Leo must’ve told Mikey.  
“This is great! Octavarium will be on the road again!” Donnie said, being excited. “Ooohh! I liked the one in your Ohio show! Oh! And that one in Texas!” He squealed out and starts to blabber about the events that happened. Raph is glad that Donnie is still supporting the band. He thinks his biggest fan needs to be rewarded.  
“Donnie?” Raph said as he holds Don’s hand. The nerd stopped and blushed at the gesture. During that conversation with Casey, it is certain that April didn’t opposed of Donnie and him dating, so she still trusted him and he will make it count. Yet, he felt there is a little competition about it.  
“If you want to, you can have the room you stayed earlier.” He finally said it. He hoped that it is not as creepy as it actually sounded. He was met by the confused Donnie instead and seemed it click on his head.  
“No, Raphie! Uhm! Not that I don’t like it, it’s just! I’m not that… Close to you yet.” He shyly said.

_“You sleep here in the couch. Leo and Mikey will sleep in the guest room.” Raph slurred as he tossed Don’s bags there.  
“Careful, Raphie… Uhh, Raph. I just bought a turtle bowl.” He said, while checking the glass bowl inside. So he already had Spike before.  
“Don’t care. Well, night.” He said as he goes on the stairs.  
“Raph… Can we just share in your bed?” He asked sheepishly.  
“Hell, no. I don’t share.” He answered as he continued to go up._

“Donnie, you are the one who helped me feel better. You are my date… So you can say you are very close to me. I really wanted you to have that room. No one owned that room ever since…”  
“Your love one passed away?” Donnie asked quickly, looking downwards. “I really wanted to but… I know memories still linger on you about him.” He explained.  
Raph just stared down. Donnie must’ve found it out because of the bass guitar.  
(“Really, Donnie?! Just really?”)  
“No, Don. Look, all of the things there are mine. I just want you comfortable at my home. I want you to treat it as your own too. Everything in that room is yours now.” He reassured, he really wanted Don to own that room. After all, it was his room before.  
“Well, if you insist… Thank you.” He said, smiling. “So, we are going to buy Spike’s things tomorrow?”  
“Yeah, yeah. I’ll pick you up at your house.” He answered.  
“Remember to take medicines, alright?” Donnie noted again.  
Raph felt it again. He felt those soft lips on his cheek. That warm little peck.  
“Good night, Raphie…” He giggled as Donnie left.  
Raph blushed and smiled like a dork. His daydream got interrupted by a text message.  
 **Spike: Did you ask Don about the tour?**  
Fuck.


	11. Endless A Silent Whisper

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Embrace (TMNT) BAND AU  
> Chapter 11: Endless A Silent Whisper by Urbandub  
> This song is the reason why this is named Embrace (as the album of this song is named after it) Also, because of the lyrics.
> 
> Note/Warning: Tcest (RxD, LxM), Rock band stuff, OOC-ness, bad language, tragic stuff, mature stuff, music will vary on degrees. Also, this is unbeta'd. I really wanted someone to beta read them and Naru just volunteered but I think she refer it to the Office AU only XD
> 
> Inspired from AmorTortuga's Time To Pretend fanfic!
> 
> The one with the ITALICS are Raph's flashbacks or can be called as memory triggers. I see a lot of fanfics regarding amnesia that the one who had memory loss is the one who had triggers, I made it the opposite since it adds effect because of Raph's guilt and conscience.  
> The one with BOLD are the text messages.  
> The one with (" ") is usually Raph's thoughts.
> 
> One of Raph's biggest flashbacks had a comic: fav.me/d6lq7x1  
> The original story is that the guy (Raph) was forced to guitar battle the girl (Donnie). But the girl is sick and is falling from the stage but the guy caught her. And now, folks, you know the small part of the reason why Embrace is the title.

Embrace so much tighter  
This could be our last together  
Heaven sheds tears for the wounded hearts  
Our forever has been torn apart

Is this the beginning of our last dance?   
Once around the floor, can we do it again?   
I feel the thrill from words we say,   
I love you.  
-Endless A Silent Whisper, Urbandub

The next day, as usual, Raph woke up in the afternoon. He was greeted by the munching turtle.  
“Hey, lil guy, we’re going to buy some things for you because of course, you’re coming with me in the tour.” He said as he tapped the head slightly, Spike seemed to acknowledge it.  
“You know, I’m your owner, right? So, we need to change your name. Not like I don’t like Donnie’s preference. It’s just, it’s weird calling “Spike” to two people, right?” Raph chuckled as he gathered some clothes. “Hmm, what would be your new name?” he wondered as he put his pants on and placed his medicine on his pocket. He doesn’t want Don to be upset that he forgot to drink them.  
He stared at his poster of Saul Hudson, who is half naked and holding a double neck guitar. On it is a silver penned signature from the said rock star. He admired that lead guitarist and his former band. Before, he dreamed and just listened to their albums. Now, they shared the stage together.  
“I know! Your new name is Slash!” He shouted in glee. The turtle didn’t seem to mind. “But…” He halted and thinking, “We can put it to the other Spike… Hmm… Since his aura is like Slash after all.” He mumbled as he pressed Don’s contact number to call him.  
“Donnie?” Raph talked as he trying to get his keys.  
“… Yes?”  
Donnie seemed to sound weak.  
“I’m coming there. Are you alright?” Raph asked.  
“Yeah, Raph. I’m… I’m alright. I’ll see you, okay?” Donnie answered as if he is trying hard to speak. Raph closed the call as he is standing beside his motorcycle. Yet, he had this urge to use the car instead. He got on the car and drove away, he had this heavy feeling there is something wrong with Don. Horrified by this thinking, he drove faster.  
As he got there, he tried to calm himself down and knocked on the door. He waited but Don didn’t answer. He picked his cellphone to call Donnie but he isn’t answering either. It made his anxiety go higher. He noticed Don’s door is opened and slowly went inside.   
“Donnie, I’m coming in, okay?” he said. The living room is too dark. He tried to look for a light switch and once he found it, he flicked it.  
His eyes wondered until he saw an unconscious Donatello beside the couch.  
“DON!” he yelled.

He rushed quickly to aid Donnie. He was covered with a lot of blankets.  
“Don! Donnie! Wake up!” Raph tapped his face lightly, only to notice Don’s getting delirious by high temperature.  
“Shit! Don! Hang on, okay!” Raph trembled as he noticed Donnie’s breathing is irregular and shallow. He carried the bassist outside and laid him gently in the seat then lowered the upper part so Donnie can fully lie down. He hurriedly ran to the other side, burn on the gas and sped off.  
“Donnie! We’re almost there!”  
(“Donnie, please! I can’t lose you again. I can’t…”)

_“Leo, where’s Donnie?” Raph asked. His wounds are minor so he is able to heal faster and can get released from the hospital.  
The couple just looked at each other, with sadness plastered on their faces.  
“Raph… Donnie is gone.” Leo replied.   
He must’ve heard it wrong. He is definitely loopy from the medicines. Confusion etched on his face.  
“What? What are you saying? I don’t-“ Raph halted when Leo’s hand went on his shoulder. He stared at Leo, who seemed to hide his sorrow by the usual stoic and serious posture. Meanwhile, Mikey is more open. He had grief and sadness all over.  
“He’s gone. Donnie’s GONE.” Leo stated, putting more force on the second sentence he said. “He’s never coming back.”  
Cold waves seemed to wash to the lead guitarist. The words entering his ears are very deafening. He is shaking by the revelation. All of the things he wanted to confess will not be heard anymore.  
“… What?” He choked. His sight got blurred because the nightmare. His tears fully went down on his cheeks.  
His mind and body just want to lose control. He started to punch everything in his sight. Leo is able to grab Raph.  
“No! No, no, no, no, no! No! DONATELLO!” He screamed. He hoped that this is a joke or a prank, that he will meet that warm smile again!  
“Fuck it! Let me fucking go!” He shouted. His tears are all over his face by his actions.  
“RAPH! Get a hold of yourself! There’s nothing we can do!” The vocalist yelled and restrained him.  
He wanted to do many things for Donnie. He is supposed to propose a new start with his bassist! He is supposed to give him flowers, treat him to dates, make him feel special and show his love to him!  
The adrenaline of anger simmered down as Raph only sobbed and gone to the path of remorse and misery to the loss of his beloved._

He held his head as he sat down and supposed to call April. His worried state to the condition of his love must’ve triggered that flashback, that horrible flashback that changed their lives. That made him walked to his two year atonement and mourning.  
“Thanks for taking care of Donnie for me, Raph. I’m on my way there.”  
“It’s no problem, April. It’s my fault anyway.”  
“Well, he is stable now. I’ll notify the others.” Said the other line.  
After saying their farewells, Raph went inside and saw the resting Donnie.

_“Raphie…” Don whispered. “Dinner’s ready.”  
Raph just looked at him and grumbled. He placed Donnie on the couch. After his dinner, Raph just put some tablets and a glass of water on the side table.  
“I’m going to the gig,” he said.  
This is the time when he arrived, he saw April taking care of Donnie. He’s been delirious so she rushed there to take care of him.  
Raph never did the job right. He never took care or even care to Donnie._

Raph sat beside him and held his hand. He felt the sweat of Donnie’s hand. He hated being sick that time because Donnie caught his sickness.  
“I’m sorry, Donnie… I’m a bad date to you.” He whispered. As much he doesn’t want to say it because it’s true but it’s been bottled up for two years already.  
“No, you’re not.”  
Raph looked up. Donnie is awake and smiling weakly. Burst of energy quickly charged to Raph’s body.  
“Donnie! Do you need anything? Are you feeling better?” He asked.  
“Yes, Raphie… I’m okay.”  
“Don’t strain yourself. Rest, okay? You needed that a lot so you can go tour with us.”  
“What?” he croaked.  
“My band wanted your band to front act in the tour.” Raph stated. Despite the condition, Donnie smiled cutely and had the aura of excitement.  
“You rest, okay?” Raph said as he got his phone and pressed a contact.  
“Hello?”  
“Leo, can you move the date of our tour?” Raph said. Donnie’s eyes widened. “Donnie’s need to rest-“  
“Leo, I’m alright. We shouldn’t bother to move-“  
“I’m already on it. April told us what happened. After this reschedule meeting, I will be there. I know Mikey and the others are on the way.” Leo spoke on the other line. “Tell Donnie he must be in full bed rest.”  
“I got him, Leo. Don’t worry.” Raph reassured then closed his call.  
“I don’t want to be a burden. I’m already better that we can continue the tour in the original date.”  
“Don, you are not a burden. Just rest and you’re not better. After this, we’ll go buy Spike’s things. You go relax, I’ll be right here if you need me.” Raph smirked.  
Donnie giggled then coughed a little. Raph’s body moved on its own. He leaned forward and pecked Donnie’s cheek. He can see Donnie had a reddish shade. It’s really cute.  
After a few hours, Raph got some food for him.  
“I got some soup. Here, let me feed you.” The lead guitarist said as he holds the spoon. “Ah! No need, Raphie! I can do it myself.” Donnie protested but only met by a spoonful of soup. “No complaints. Eat.” Raph ordered, which made Don’s mouth to open, with a blush on his cheeks.

The bands soon arrived just as Raph finished feeding Donnie. April ran towards Don and frantically checking him.  
“Are you sure you’re alright? Did Raph treat you well?” April demanded. Raph sternly looked to her by her questioning.  
“It’s alright, April.” Donnie spoke softly. “Raphie is taking care of me well.”  
“I’m glad you’re alright, Donnie!” Mikey wailed as he embraced his best friend, which made Donnie squeaked.  
“I’m better now. Don’t worry.” Donnie reassured as he hugged back. When he was released by Mikey’s grasp, Leo started to speak up.

“We moved the tour three days from now so Donnie can recover and also more time to get everything done. All of us will be in a band tour bus but the bedrooms should be shared.” He explained. “Mikey and I will share my room.”  
“April will share with Casey. Don’t worry, it’s a double deck.” He dryly said. “Tim and Spike will share.” Casey just smirked at the annoyed April.  
“And then, Raph and Donnie will share Raph’s room.” The two that was mentioned got stiffened.  
“Hey! Shouldn’t I be beside Donnie because I’m her guardian?” April reasoned.  
“Nope. No choice, yellow pants. Leader’s final choice.” Casey said, like making second the motion to Leo’s decision. “And I don’t like sharing with Raph, he snores.” Casey continued, smirking.  
“Hey!” Raph yelled. “You freaking-!”  
“Guys, remember this is a year tour. We will be literally all over the place. Don, when you get better, I want to talk to you about security. Also, there are other offers that are not sure yet so it might take longer and might have the opportunity to travel international again. That’s it for now.” Leo finished.  
“Yes! I’m going to buy a lot of food for us to munch on!” Mikey squealed as Leo just nodded. Meanwhile, the dating couple is furiously blushing.

After a joyous chat, the rest left Donnie and Raph for the patient to rest.  
“Raphie, you can go and rest. I’m alright now, actually.” Donnie said while rubbing Raph’s shoulder. “You got to feed Spike, you know.”  
“I already told the “other” Spike to feed him.” He stated as he gently cupped Don’s cheeks. The patient smiled and rubbed his face on it. He never did this to Donnie before. They are still dating yet their progress is improving.  
“Raphie, I can sleep on the floor when we share your room together.” Donnie spoke.  
“Shell no!” Raph objected. “I’ll be the one on the floor!”  
“No! Raphie! It’s your room!” Donnie reasoned.  
“Why are we arguing over this, Donnie? If you want to sleep alone, it’s alright really.” Raph said. He is a little sad that he can’t feel Donnie beside him but hey, that’s what love does. Treating him like a queen.  
“No… It’s just… I’m a hugger.” He shyly spoke and turned his head away from Raph’s gaze. “I mean, I don’t want you to be uncomfortable.” He halted as Don felt strong arms encircling around him and gently pressed his head on Raph’s shoulder. Raph is very happy that Don didn’t protest. He really wanted to give hugs to him, he waited two years for this and it’s worth it.  
“Hey, I have no problems with huggers.” Raph whispered then turned his head, pecked Don’s cheek again and embraced closer. He wanted to feel Donnie’s warmness and how comfortable and happy he is in his arms. Raph closed his eyes.

_“Where is Don?” Raph asked the doctor that was assigned. “I… I want to see him.” He said. Even though Donnie’s gone, he still wanted to see his face and bid goodbye. He still wanted to show his affections for the first and last time.  
“His guardian took his body and decided to bury it away from here.” The doctor simply replied.  
“Can you give us the address?” Leo inquired politely. Raph started to feel uneasy.  
“The guardian didn’t leave any information.” The doctor answered. “I’m sorry.”  
Raph’s sight got black. He is screaming again, screaming his deceased lover’s name. He didn’t get the chance to say “I love you, Donnie.” Despite his yelling, he heard Leo and Mikey trying to calm him down and constricting him from any brash movements. He can’t give flowers nor visit Donnie’s grave. He can’t speak his love for him nor his apologies. Donnie just poof in an instant. He is on his knees, his tears cascading down from his eyes.  
He didn’t even reciprocate the last affection Donnie did.  
An embrace.  
A simple embrace and he didn’t return it back. He regretted he didn’t do it. He didn’t even let Donnie experience having a new fresh relationship with him. He lost him.  
He lost everything.  
“Donnie, I love you.”_

“I love you too, Raphie.”  
He blinked, letting his tears fall more because of the memory he wanted to bury but can’t. He glared at the patient. “Raphie, are you crying? What’s wrong?” Don asked with worry. He heard what he just heard, right?  
“Donnie… Say it again...” He choked, trying to speak straight.

“… I love you too, Raphie.”


	12. Can't Stop

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Embrace (TMNT) BAND AU  
> Chapter 12: Can't Stop by RHCP 
> 
> Note/Warning: Tcest (RxD, LxM), Rock band stuff, OOC-ness, bad language, tragic stuff, mature stuff, music will vary on degrees. Also, this is unbeta'd.
> 
> Inspired from AmorTortuga's Time To Pretend fanfic!
> 
> The one with the ITALICS are Raph's flashbacks or can be called as memory triggers. I see a lot of fanfics regarding amnesia that the one who had memory loss is the one who had triggers, I made it the opposite since it adds effect because of Raph's guilt and conscience.  
> The one with BOLD are the text messages.  
> The one with (" ") is usually Raph's thoughts.
> 
> Wow, this is a little shorter. Probably the next chapter will be longer, as it will be the continuation of their date. Yes, I included some of the rockstars bits about themselves. Basically, Slash from GNR is the inspiration behind Raph's character. And YES, WEE! THEY ARE OFFICIALLY A COUPLE! AND HAD THEIR FIRST LIP KISS! *confetti*

The world I love   
The tears I drop   
To be part of   
The wave can't stop   
Ever wonder if it's all for you   
The world I love   
The trains I hop   
To be part of   
The wave can't stop   
Come and tell me when it's time to   
-Can't Stop, RHCP

Raph is in a great mood the following days. Mostly what he does is spending time with Donnie. Apparently, Donnie can be released early as his flu got down quicker. It was a big step to the progress of their relationship. Raph aren’t sure if this is a “Yes” to be his boyfriend. He doesn’t want to be assumed they are as it might cause misunderstanding. But again he doesn’t mind because Donnie just admitted he loved him. The lead guitarist became the “nurse” to the patient, giving him the care and loving he deserved.

“Raphie seemed to take care of you well.” Mikey sneered as Leo chuckled after. Raph got his temper and embarrassment on again. They are helping Donnie to return to his home after hospitalization. Using Leo’s car, they are driving back to Don’s house. The bassist’s phone rang, as a text message was received.

 **R: You can stay in my house, you know.**  
He looked at Raph, who is staring at the car window, obviously hiding his blush.  
 **D: You helped me very much, Raphie. But thank you. I have to fix my things for our tour.  
R: I can help you. I just don’t want you to get sick again.**

Raph felt extreme nervousness due to the images of Don unconscious and blazing hot with a fever still stirred in his head. He is scared that Donatello will overwork himself.  
Two years ago, even with his asshole self, he sure noticed Donnie is very workaholic. He didn’t give a fuck that time even if he saw Donnie sleeping on his keyboard or in caffeine frenzy.  
It is scaring him that he might lose Donnie any second.  
 **R: Well, I can sleep in your house then… If you want to.**  
He heard Donnie squeaked when he read this message.  
 **D: Uhm… My house is small… As much as I wanted you as my guest, you really shouldn’t.**  
He stopped typing when Raph intertwined his hands into Don’s. His posture of looking at the car window remained.  
“Here we are.” Leo announced as the vehicle halted in front of Donnie’s house. Raph opened the door and helped Donnie move out slowly.  
“Thank you so much, guys… Really.” Donnie smiled. Leo and Mikey got Don’s bags inside.  
“It’s no problem, Don. We too got to take care of our band mate’s… Date.” Leo said with a seriously sincerity but his boyfriend is snickering which caused the hot head to flare again.  
“We better go ahead. Don’t overdo yourself, Don.” Leo warned.  
“I’ll stay with the nerd tonight.” Raph interrupted which caused Donnie to jerk. He tried to explain to its not needed while Mikey is going “aww”.  
“Very well, Raph.” Leo firmly spoke. “Let’s go, Mikey.” He smiled and the couple bade their farewells.  
“Raphie!” Donnie whined at the lead guitarist, especially when he got hauled by the big turtle into his room.

Raph is glad that Donnie’s fever is completely gone that night and seemed the strength had returned. That’s why they planned to go to a date after buying Spike’s things. The couple is holding hands while walking as the pet store is only blocks away.  
“Raphie, you don’t have to do this, you know. I mean… I’m pretty capable of my own.”  
Raph knew that. He always knew how independent Donnie is but… He knew that there must be a person to look out after someone. That’s what Donnie did to Raph two years ago and really changed his life. He wanted to be Don’s protector.  
Both entered the pet shop.

Michelangelo and Leonardo are going home after buying a lot of food for their trip.  
“Leo, you think Raph and Don are… You know?” Mikey asked after licking his ice cream.  
“I think it’s great. I mean, Raph seemed happy.” He answered. “Although, it seemed Don didn’t know anything about their past yet.” He looked concerned that the path is falling into the same one in the past. “I think Raph will make a way. I already see Raph is really trying to make amends.”

After seeing a lot of animals and the long exchange of words of Raph paying the stuff, the couple seemed enjoying the time together. Raph never remembered the last time they dated when they were together before… If they dated at all.  
“Look, Raphie! A bookstore!” He said with excitement and he grabbed Raph’s arm.

_“Look, Raphie! A bookstore!” Don said with glee. He holds Raph’s arm and dragged him,  
“Donnie! Stop!” Raph angrily said. The tone of his voice made Don to halt. His excited state simmered down.  
“I’m so sick and tired of your nerdish bullshit!” He spat out, causing Don to remain quiet.  
“Why won’t you practice guitar?! That would help the band much better than your failed experiments.” He smugly said.  
Donnie didn’t go to a bookstore since then._

“Raphie?” Donnie asked. Raph met those worried eyes again. “You don’t want to go? You can wait outside.”  
If Don had his memories back, he will be the one to spat at him. In the back of his mind, he felt he didn’t deserve Donnie’s love.  
“I’m okay, Don.” He smiled to ease Don’s discomfort. But it seemed Don is not convinced. “Let’s go.”

Raph is enjoying Donnie reading these advanced books that he will never understand. He too, wanted to have smarts like him yet he guessed all he knew is street smarts. He sometimes got curious to what he is reading. Whenever he asked he only got techno blabber.  
His old self did a lot of sarcasm battle with Don. Raph realized that time Donnie is getting tired to argue and wanted some peace.  
His mind seemed to trail off because Donnie is checking a different book. It seemed to be a music book now. This can be a chance to converse with Donnie. He knew music. After all, it’s in his blood.  
“What are you reading there, Donnie?” Raph asked while putting their distance closer.  
“Some puzzle about rock music.” He answered. Raph took a peek. It seemed to be pictures of rock musicians with blank lines beside it. It seemed to be an identification type.  
“I can answer all of them.” Raph said.  
“Really?” Don said, amused. “Okay then. We’ll have a bet. If you didn’t answer it, I’ll ask a question that you must answer.” Donnie giggled.

_“Hey, Raph.” Casey said after chugging a can of beer. “You know that groupie seemed to like you.” They both looked at the happy Donatello talking to April.  
“Tell you what, Casey. Remember that awesome guitar we saw a few days ago?”  
“Yeah, what about it?” Casey asked.  
“Well, let’s have a bet. I’ll court that nerd. If that nerd and I stayed together for a month, you give me that guitar.” Raph proposed.  
Oh, shit. The bet. It’s the fucking bet. The bet that ruined Donnie’s life.  
Casey seemed to be a little hesitant. Maybe because he doesn’t want to play anyone’s feelings… Or maybe the guitar is expensive because it’s vintage.  
“Deal.” Casey answered.  
Raph blamed himself everything about that bet. If that didn’t happen, who knows what happened to the lives of Don and his._

Raph snapped back to his thoughts when Don touched his arm.  
“A-Alright… If I win, I’ll ask one as well.”  
“Deal.” Donnie smiled.  
“Okay…” Raph said as he analyzed the page. “This is Jimi Hendrix, a left handed guitarist. Great respect to him, he is the one who set his guitar ablaze.” Raph explained. “This is Cliff Burton, former bassist of Metallica. He died because of his bus accident, he got crushed under. The song “To Live is To Die” is a tribute to him.”  
“Interesting…” Donnie said then smiled. Raph continued, “Oh, man. Love this guy. Saul Hudson, known as Slash from GNR. He stole his signature hat from this thrift store and didn’t get caught. Did the same to my Slash hat.”  
“Raphie!” Donnie yelled but was hugged behind by the lead guitarist, which caused him to squeak. “Just kidding, Don.” He rested his head on Don’s shoulder. Raph felt Don’s warmness. It’s a little awkward they are hugging like that in a bookstore.  
“I think you already know this, Farrokh Bulsara, known as Freddie Mercury from the band Queen. He used to practice singing while being naked.”  
“Mikey is still doing that.” Donnie laughed. Raph just looked at the bassist. He knew Mikey is a big fan of Freddie but the naked thing is really weird. Well, not as Leo who is singing in the shower.  
“Anthony Kiedis from RHCP. You know, when he was in his new school, he met the bassist Flea and became best friends. They often go jump to swimming pools from a building.” Raph laughed. “Leo and I used to do that before.” Raph said which caused Donnie to look in disbelief. They knew Leo is an uptight person. “… Well, I dared him.” Raph smirked.  
“Lastly, Kurt Cobain from Nirvana. He-“  
“I know. Suicide.” Donnie interrupted. “Okay, whiz Raphie, you won. What question you want to ask me?”  
Raph became silent after, which caused Don to wonder.  
“Raphie?”  
“I wanted to tell you… I think I’m not worthy…” Raph muttered with sadness.  
“Worthy?” Don asked, seemed to be confused.  
“Worthy to be with you.” Raph finally said. “I’m a short tempered, arrogant bastard.” There. He admitted it. He admitted what he saw to his past self in his flashbacks. “But I changed. I mean… I’m just wondering… If we are still dating… Whatever answer it is, I understand. I just want to know. I’m a little confused, honestly.”  
Donnie stared at him for a minute then giggled cutely.  
“No, Raph. We are not dating anymore.”  
He felt his heart stopped and his body is on the verge of fainting.  
“Because you are my boyfriend. Not a date anymore…” Donnie continued. He is smiling yet he is staring at the ground.  
Raph froze. His brain trying to process what he had said.  
“Raphie?”  
Before it could register his mind, Raph grabbed Donnie and planted his lips to his.


	13. Sunshine of Your Love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Embrace (TMNT) BAND AU  
> Chapter 13: Sunshine of Your Love by Cream
> 
> Note/Warning: Tcest (RxD, LxM), Rock band stuff, OOC-ness, bad language, tragic stuff, mature stuff, music will vary on degrees. Also, this is unbeta'd.
> 
> Inspired from AmorTortuga's Time To Pretend fanfic!
> 
> The one with the ITALICS are Raph's flashbacks or can be called as memory triggers. I see a lot of fanfics regarding amnesia that the one who had memory loss is the one who had triggers, I made it the opposite since it adds effect because of Raph's guilt and conscience.  
> The one with BOLD are the text messages.  
> The one with (" ") is usually Raph's thoughts.
> 
> The venue is real btw. It's the same place in Franken's ask: fav.me/d6pfhxe  
> Every Sept. - Dec. there is this kind of a flea market that near the Sea Wall (It's like Baywalk) and also a carnival near the main market (Will put this in the future chapters). I basically am Donnie there, as I always wanted to go with "my partner" there. It's been what I wanted since high school.  
> The butterfly pendants are real too, like in the picture since I owned them. The one on the left (The thicker steel) is what "he" gave me three years ago, the one on the right, is what I bought in the said flea market. I've seen some arts that Donnie is always associated with butterflies, maybe because of his gentle nature.  
> Next is Tour Day!

I'll be with you darlin' soon,   
Be with you when the stars start fallin'.   
I've been waitin' so long   
To be where I'm going   
In the sunshine of your love.   
-Sunshine of Your Love, Cream

Raph is never been happier. Don and him are together again! This is the happiest moment he ever had. Yet, there is an annoying side of it…

**M: Congrats! :D Oh my! Let’s celebrate!  
L: Take care of our Donnie, Raph.  
C: Dude! I heard Donnie said “Yes”! Wow, nice dude! Glad you’re serious to him now.  
S: Raph and Donnie sitting on the tree!  
A: I’ll allow this Raphael. But I still am watching you.  
T: Dude, he totally liked you even before!**

These guys. When it started from Mikey, it literally scattered everywhere.  
After strolling in the mall, they are on the car nibbling their takeouts on the way home. Since that lovely moment in the bookstore, it never left Raph’s head. That kiss and the fact Donnie said “Yes”.  
But that doesn’t set him off the hook. He needs Donnie’s forgiveness. He needs to know the truth. He knew it will crash down as he didn’t have the courage to tell him before the date. He doesn’t want to lose Don and it’s getting really conflicted and complicated to explain.  
Another one is April. Now he learned the observance of Casey about April liking Donnie. She seemed happy to their progress but he knew that she is not deep inside. She is trying to take advantage of Donnie ever since they crossed paths.  
He noticed Don is munching his fries while staring at the window. It seemed to be something is bugging him.

**M: You should invite Donnie to this flea market in Eastman St. He likes that place.**

Well, thank gods for Mikey.  
“Hey, Don.” Raph said while his hands are on the wheel. “Want to go to the market right now?”  
He didn’t expect Don to look at him and smiling like a kid. So, that’s what’s bugging him.  
“You sure, Raphie?” Don asked.  
“Yeah, why not? It’s our date after all.” Raph replied, causing Don to nod. Raph took the other turn to get there.  
It’s been long since Raph went to that area, being busy with his fame and all. They saw the seawall and the streetlights passing them as they go. Donnie just stared in amazement. There are many food establishments, booths and the sunset to entertain them. Raph parked his car near the playground. Between the seaside and the market is a small playground.  
“Here we are, Donnie.” Raph spoke. He can see the beam in Donnie’s face, that happy smile. He always wanted to see that in his boyfriend.  
They got off the car. While walking, he held Don’s hand gently. His lover responded by intertwining his fingers into his. They felt the ambience of peace and happiness at the playground, with the giggles of children heard in the area.  
Raph remembered the usual dates he had with Don before. He only did that routine in the first week they got together and nothing else. The date he did are always eating at fancy restaurants.  
“You know, I always wanted to go to this place. I always go here alone and… I always see couples here. It made me a little envious…” Donnie said while looking downwards shyly.

_“Raph, want to go to the park with us?” Mikey asked as he grabbed Leo’s coat. He can feel Don’s eagerness to go even though he is staring at the laptop monitor.  
“Had to finish these riffs…” Raph replied. He can feel Don’s sadness all over. “Can you finish that later?” He shyly asked. “You can go alone, Don.” Raph spoke.  
Donnie remained silent, same as Leo and Mikey. It seemed that the couple knew something is up about his relationship with Don.  
“You go ahead, guys… I’ll stay.” The bassist said. The couple only nodded and went ahead. It gave an awkward silence as Donnie went to his room.  
“I don’t want to go alone anymore…” Raph heard him whispered._

Now, it clicked on him. Don never wanted expensive places. He only wanted simpler things.  
“Raphie, we’re in the market now.” Donnie said. He saw bright lights all over the place. It’s like a modern version of a festival. It had a lot of selling goods and people who wanted to visit. There are two pathways but it all leads in the same end.  
Don holds Raph’s hand tighter and leads the way to the right path. Different products are there, from toys to figurines to food. Donnie is smiling widely as he stared at them.  
Don doesn’t need to be alone anymore. Raph will never let him go no matter what happens.  
“What are you looking at, Donnie?” Raph asked while wrapping his arm around Don’s shoulders. Don just stared at the dangling necklaces. He seemed to be interested at the steel butterfly pendant.  
“This is pretty.” Don murmured. All of a sudden, the sales lady removed it and gave it to Raph.  
“Raphie-“ Don squeaked and protested. Raph puts it on Don’s neck and locked it.  
“It’s a little gift from me.” Raph whispered. The sales lady gave a simple pendant, another butterfly as well. It seemed they have a promo of taking one for free. It made Donnie delighted.  
“T-two butterflies… You’re the bigger one.” Donnie pointed the pendant that had the thicker steel and giggled.  
Raph felt this weird feeling, some sort of contentment and enjoyment. Maybe because his love is beside him, they continued to stroll along until they reached the end of the lane. It had a lot of smoothie booths. While holding Don’s gentle had, he bought mango flavor smoothies. They took a quick turn to go to the other path.  
“You know, Raphie… I’m having these… Uhh… Images…” Don confessed. “Of… Wanting someone to be here with me… But he never granted it…” Raph’s eyes widened. It made him immobile.

Don is having memory flashbacks.

He might remember everything.

Everything is so well and not it’s started to get shit storm.

“The face is blurred though…” Donnie walked but he noticed Raph is out of his league. “Raphie… Something wrong?”  
“I’m sorry…” is all he said. He wanted to cry but couldn’t. It’s too public.  
“What are you saying sorry for, Raphie? It’s nothing, really… It’s just a weird day dream, I guess…” He said but Raph is still distressed.  
‘Raphie…” He squeezed his hand gently. Raph stared at Don’s eyes. It really had sparkles of innocence on it. He can’t dare losing those glint of happiness, like what he did before.  
“Donnie… I’m sorry… I…” Raph whispered. Donnie kissed his nose. “Hey, Raphie… I’m alright. It’s just a random thought. I don’t want to ruin your day by it.”  
“No, Donnie… I’m sorry. I didn’t make you happy…” Raph said.  
“What are you talking about, Raphie? I’m happy we’re together. I’m happy I’m with you. Please, forget what I said, okay?” Donnie spoke. It made Raph calmed down yet his conscience is still bugging him. Donnie said to him way back that the past doesn’t matter to him anymore. But Raph’s guilt is eating him whole.  
“I’m sorry, Raphie. I didn’t mean to ruin our date.” He said, looking down.  
Ah, shit. Raph completely ruined the date.  
“No, Donnie… I’m just worried to you.” Raph said. It was a both lie and truth because of his reasons. He is worried that Don’s memories might come back. He is worried about the repercussions because of his amnesia.  
Donnie giggled. “Relax, Raphie. I’m fine.” The bassist snuggled his arm. Raph smiled at the gesture, some of his worries washed away.

Finally, they got out of the market. They made a little shopping for their trip. They walked back to the car and dumped their bags before going to the seawall. Many people are walking, eating at the booths and couples sitting at the seawall to watch the view. It gives him more reasons why Donnie wanted to be with someone in going here.  
He thought it’s a nice way to end their date as they will have a big tour tomorrow.

“Raph! Donnie!” Mikey screamed at a food booth. What a way to end this date, really.  
They are seated beside Leo and Mikey, who are eating dumplings.  
“Leo asked me to a date here.” Mikey squeaked as he holds Leo’s arm. His lover is blushing profusely. Raph and Don’s orders arrived after. They got hungry as well from the walk they had earlier.  
“I didn’t know you knew this place, Raph.” Leo said as he sipped his tea.  
“I knew this before but I haven’t been here.” He reasoned.  
“Well, seemed that your boyfriend is very happy in your official date!” Mikey smirked, which caused Raph’s fuse to go off again. He halted when he heard a warm laugh from Donnie. Seemed that he agreed to what Mikey had said.  
“Leo! Let’s go on the wall already!” Mikey tugged Leo’s shirt. The vocalist just nodded and smiled. He lifted Mikey so he can climb on. Leo followed and sat beside him. He wrapped his arm around Mikey’s after he put a blanket around them.

Donnie is smiling at the sight of their band mates having a moment together. It gave a signal to Raph.  
“Want to eat there instead, Don?” Raph inquired. His lover nodded shyly. They stood up, Donnie carrying the plates with the dumplings and their drinks. He placed them on the higher platform. Raph holds Donnie’s hips to hoist him up. Once he got up there, he climbed up and sat gently. Raph did the same, too.

Raph liked the stargazing. The moon is illuminating brightly with the stars, even the lights of the planes are there as well. The calming splash of the waves creates a romantic feeling.  
Don felt a thick jacket on his shoulder once again. He muttered thanks to his lover. Donnie was eating a dumpling while his head was on Raph’s shoulder. Both blushed as this affection thing is still new to them. Raph wrapped his arm behind his lover to embrace him closer. The bassist is enjoying the view of the moon, the stars and the calming sea waves.  
“Thank you, Raphie. I enjoyed our date very much.” Don murmured as he snuggled to his side. Raph smiled as it’s a success that he made Don contented.

“I love you, Raphie.”  
Those words really tugged Raph’s heartstrings. He never felt so happy, even happier than his career success.  
“Love you too, Donnie.” He whispered. Raph leaned down to kiss those sweet lips. The contact is short but fulfilling. Raph’s lover giggled softly as they continued to watch the scenery.

Leo and Mikey are pleased to the new couple. It seemed their mission is accomplished.


	14. She is my Cain

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Embrace (TMNT) BAND AU  
> Chapter 14: She is my Cain by Wolfgang Listen to it, it's one of my favorite songs in this favorite band of mine. Imagine Raph singing this to Don.
> 
> Note/Warning: Tcest (RxD, LxM), Rock band stuff, OOC-ness, bad language, tragic stuff, mature stuff, music will vary on degrees. Also, this is unbeta'd.
> 
> Inspired from AmorTortuga's Time To Pretend fanfic!
> 
> The one with the ITALICS are Raph's flashbacks or can be called as memory triggers. I see a lot of fanfics regarding amnesia that the one who had memory loss is the one who had triggers, I made it the opposite since it adds effect because of Raph's guilt and conscience.  
> The one with BOLD are the text messages.  
> The one with (" ") is usually Raph's thoughts.
> 
> I put it to Raph because I can see him discovering other Asian food when they are travelling and this food really stays in his palette.

Raph groaned at the blaring sound of the alarm clock. He slept late after his date with Donnie because he had to pack his things for today.  
The start of their big tour.

That last night ended with a precious memory. A great date with Donatello.  
He grunted as he rose from the bed to take a shower. That incident of the memory flashback never left his head. What if one day Donnie just remembered everything that happened? That he broke his heart to a million pieces, he used and played him and it’s his fault why he got in that accident?  
After his shower, he stopped his thoughts when he saw Spike nuzzling to his leg.  
“Oh, Spike.” Raph smiled while rubbing his shell. “Today’s the big day, lil fella.” He smirked.

Outside the house is a big tour bus that just arrived, seemed that he is the last person to get picked up. Raph opened the door and was greeted by a warm smile from his partner.  
“Good morning, Raphie.” Don said and embraced him. He is glad he is able to feel his affections again. Donnie is the one who was showy before in their first relationship. Whenever they meet, his bassist is always hugging him. But Raph forcedly stopped him when he got tired of Don. He expected Don will break up with him that time. Yet he still stayed beside him. He still loved and supported him in the end.

The tour bus is driving out in the city. It’s very, very early so Leo gave a break for them to rest as they packed their stuff and loaded the bus the whole night. He told them they will have a meeting about security when they all rested.

Mikey is not called “King of the Kitchen” for nothing. Inside the tour bus, they really intended to have a built in kitchen. It adds to the package that Agent Orange had a talented cook plus being Leo’s boyfriend as well. Raph prepared some bread on a plate with some butter and jam. Timothy is eating a syrup filled pancakes while Slash, a new nickname by Raph which he really liked, is eating salad with Raph’s pet, Spike. Casey and April are present as well, both eating bacon and eggs. It seemed that the sleeping in the same room still ticks April off. Leo already has his breakfast and now sipping his tea.  
Raph then placed plates of bacon and eggs beside the bread. He brewed coffee as well.  
“Someone wanted breakfast in bed,” Mikey teased which caused Raph to grunt. Then, he got confused when Mikey placed a can of condensed milk, which had two holes on the top.  
“Don loves that.” He said before continuing to cook.

As Raph entered his room, he saw his lover sleeping very well. Working on the security system in the middle of the night drained Don’s energy and needed rest.  
Raph smiled as he stared at him. His mouth is a little open and he can hear tiny whistles coming out from his diastema every time he breathes. Grabbing a portable table, he placed it on Don’s hips and put the tray of food on it.  
“Raphie?”  
He looked at the yawning Don stretching his arms out and adjusting himself to be awake.  
“Morning, Donnie.” He said. He heard him gasped by what’s in front of him. “Breakfast is ready.” The bassist smiled and blushed cutely. “Thank you.” He picked a piece of bread and poured the condensed milk on it.  
“I didn’t know you liked that stuff.” Raph said as he wrapped his arms around his waist. “I remember I was making a major experiment when I was searching for food and all I saw is a can of sweetened milk and some bread.” He explained. “You should try it.”

_“Good morning, Raphie!” Donnie greeted shyly. “I made breakfast.”  
Raph only replied with a grunt and turned over. “Go away, need sleep.” He muttered. “But you need breakfast.” Donnie spoke as he placed a tray on his lap. His boyfriend grunted again in frustration as he slowly got up and blankly stared at it. He started to eat the eggs and bacon when he noticed a peculiar object.  
A can of sweetened milk. He saw Don grabbed it and pouring it on his bread.  
“That’s disgusting.” Raph said.  
“It tasted really good. You should try it.” Donnie encouraged.  
Raph chuckled as he ignored Don’s offering. It made his partner lowered the bread and looked away, being upset.  
“You’re such a weirdo, Don.”_

Raph groaned by what he saw and caused Donnie to react.  
“It’s okay if you don’t want it. People had preferences.” He smiled. “No, Don! I’ll try it.” Raph insisted. He holds the bread and took a bite. It’s not that bad. It’s really good. His lover is pleased by his reaction.  
“It seemed that you liked it. Many think I’m such a weirdo at my tastes.” It stopped Raph from the bread further, remembering that memory earlier. He put the bread down and kissed Don’s forehead. It caused Don to squeak but is pleased. “You’re not a weirdo. Heck, I always eat tamarind stew with fish sauce. If there is no fish sauce, I can’t eat it.” He said. Though, there is a little embarrassment from him as it is one of his secrets habits in eating Asian food. He heard his lover giggle.  
“It’s natural that you add something to ease the sourness.” He replied, resting his head on his broad shoulders. Raph is glad Donnie felt cozy to his bulky frame.  
“You know Raphie… I felt I’ve known you for a long time.” He spoke. The lead guitarist remained silent. He felt his conscience is eating him whole again. Raph is happy to their relationship for real. He didn’t have the guts to ruin it again. He didn’t want Donnie to hate him forever.  
He just observed Don finishing his meal and sipping coffee. He sighed.  
“Me too, Don.”

In the whole trip, all the couple did is stay in their room.  
“Now, put that pinky here and there! That’s the C chord.” Raph explained. His partner is delighted by his guitar lesson from the famous lead guitarist. Raph is behind Donatello, with him holding his guitar, the same guitar Don gave him two years ago. He is guiding Don’s fingers for the chords and the strumming. He is able to pick it faster as he already is a bassist. Also, he attempted to play lead guitar before.  
“Can you play a song for me?” Donnie requested shyly. Raph grabbed his guitar from him. He felt the frets, thinking of a song for his love.  
He plucked the strings, creating a melodious tune. The bassist just listened and smiling warmly.

He is my drug  
He is my vain  
He is my life  
He is my pain  
He is my wheat  
He is my Cain

He looked at Donnie, being flushed, maybe because of the lyrics. It’s been a long time since Raph serenaded Don. It’s one of the things he always gone swooned and it still works, with memories or not.

Upon the night  
I see his eyes  
His tears are my skies  
His heart beats my life

Raph never felt this intimate before. He knew to himself he is definitely not a singer. But he tried. Those two years of waiting, if he did become serious to Don before, who knows what fate happened to them. Yet, in the end, it all goes to the fact he will love Don eventually.

He is my night  
He is my day  
He is my sun  
He is my rain

He is my Cain.  
It will be too late if Don left him because of his sins. It will be the end of him as Don is his strength and weakness. He will never let go of Don if he forgives him. He already sees Don and him being happy in the future, only his past actions made it difficult to achieve.

“Raphie… I love it! Thank you!” Don spoke with glee. After Raph put his guitar down, he was met by Don’s sweet lips. Raph was surprised but he accepted it. This is a different kiss than before. It’s deeper and sensual.

Sounds of knocks stopped them and it was being followed by the excited, cheerful voice.  
“Guys, we’re here!”


	15. Llorar

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Embrace (TMNT) BAND AU  
> Chapter 15: Llorar by Jesse and Joy, as shared by arel2ins:
> 
> Note/Warning: Tcest (RxD, LxM), Rock band stuff, OOC-ness, bad language, tragic stuff, mature stuff, music will vary on degrees. Also, this is unbeta'd.
> 
> Inspired from AmorTortuga's Time To Pretend fanfic!
> 
> The one with the ITALICS are Raph's flashbacks or can be called as memory triggers. I see a lot of fanfics regarding amnesia that the one who had memory loss is the one who had triggers, I made it the opposite since it adds effect because of Raph's guilt and conscience.  
> The one with BOLD are the text messages.  
> The one with (" ") is usually Raph's thoughts.

I have the hope that the pain   
Change and transform into your forgiveness  
Navigate in a sea without ghosts  
And your light of your love be my map

I swear it true, I'm not lying  
that my will is to change  
But alone I cannot do it  
I don't know how to do it  
how to mend my soul  
-Llorar (Crying) by Jesse and Joy, translated by Arel2ins  
\---

The following months had been busy, busy, BUSY! The two bands are literally all over the place. Every day is a new city, every night is a concert. The old members of the band Shell Shocker, excluding Donnie as he had no memories about it, is starting to reminisce memories when they are touring all over the world. They were a famous band that was disintegrated because of the death of a band member. Yet, here they are, touring again with separate bands.

 

Because of Mikey’s whining and bugging the heck out of Leo, the leader decided to take a day off from their band duties. They decided it to the day of the hearts, Valentine’s Day. The two bands went off to their own personal duties, such as Mikey shopping with Donnie, Raph still planning a special date with Donnie, Casey is sleeping on the bed as usual as April went to the kitchen to make some breakfast, Slash playing video games with Spike, Tim doodling ideas for his web comics and finally, Leo, working as usual. Most band members barely had time to do personal activities due to their busy schedule, so this Valentine’s Day event is like their day off.

 

“You haven’t talk to Leo about his workaholic event?” Donnie said, while browsing around the stores full of red, full of hearts and cupids, with love stuff everywhere. Even corporations and businesses are really putting advertisements in a notch. Literally, love is in the air. “I haven’t… We didn’t have many dates no matter what city we go because Leo loves to coop up either in the recording studio or in his room alone, making schedules and all of that crap.” Mikey said, with a cuss, which made Don is surprised. Yet knowing Mikey, he just said it by fun sometimes but rarely puts it in serious discussions. “Also, there is this… Family dilemma thing last month…”

\---  
“Tell me what your parents told you. I know it’s about me, Leo.” Mikey stated and held his hand. Leo sighed as he closed a light brown parchment of paper, which seemed to be a letter from his parents in Japan. “They said that this family meeting they had that… We’re not officially engaged in my side of the family.”  
“Why? I did everything in their favor… And they took the liberty again?!” Mikey spoke, in a livid fashion. “... They said that they announced in Japan that whoever had the family sword we lost decades ago, will have my hand in marriage.” Leo spoke sternly. Mikey is so shocked, that their relationship is in jeopardy again. He thought all of his efforts had paid off but wow, was he wrong.  
Leo being a workaholic is just the rain of the impending storm. But this one really devastates it.

 

It caused Leo and Mikey to drift apart that caused concern to others, even though they are really silent about the matter.  
\---

“I understand the workaholic one. I was one as well… Well, trying to…” Don reasoned out. Ever since that he had a relationship with Raph, his stress levels got significantly lower. “You two really have to talk, Mikey. This silent treatment thing is only making things worse.”  
“I know… That’s why I planned a dinner date.” Mikey explained. “I just hoped Leo will have the time to come.” He sighed once more. To add to that, Leo had been rejecting and avoiding invitations to simple dates with Mikey. Maybe this family dilemma thing is taking out of hand.

 

Meanwhile, a certain lead guitarist is so frustrated at what date will be perfect for Don and him. He is never been happier with Don now. He cherished every date and moment he had with him. The regret of using Donnie in their past relationship is still there and it cringe him every time he remembers it. The haunting of his past, of his secrecy that he still never tells Don is creeping to him up to this day. He sighed deeply. He knew Donnie loves simple dates than an extravagant one. Also, he wanted to confess everything to stop this guilt racing in his head. He had to prepare that this date might be the pinpoint of the blossoming or destroying their relationship. He might pulled it in again and never speak about it, yet he really wanted to tell Don and hope it will go well.

 

“Dude, you’re like spacing out there.” A voice is heard suddenly, learning that it’s Casey. “Sorry, I just can’t think of the venue tonight. I have to make calls once I thought of an idea but none is working.” He grumbled in frustration. “Well, can’t help with that dude, even if I ask her to a date, pretty sure 100% that she is going to refuse it.” Casey laughed. “Man, I want to sleep all day. Practicing and recording almost 24/7 makes me look like an owl already.” He spoke. “And not go to that carnival place Mikey had been talking about since last night. But it got cancelled as he had other plans to do.”

 

The last statement rang to Raph’s ears.  
The carnival. Don loves carnivals.  
They never had a carnival date before.

 

“Yes! Finally!” Raph screamed in the open as he rushes out of the door, leaving the very, very confused Casey.  
“I wonder what’s with him?” April said, seemed to be confused as well. “Eh, guessed he found an idea in what I said.” He smiled and stood up. “What idea?” April inquired. “Well, a carnival date with Donnie.” He answered. April just remained silent for a couple of seconds.  
“Hmm… That ain’t a bad idea.” she said. “We can go there too if you want.”  
“Really?” Casey blinked his eyes, unable to believe what he just heard. Is… Is April implying a date with him?  
“Yeah, sure. We’ll go there at 7.” She spoke, with a leering smirk before going back to clean the dishes.

 

“Can’t believe you guys are just lazing around instead of being productive in your day off.” Leo muttered as he pulled an all nighter again by editing their recordings. He passed by seeing Slash and Casey playing video games, with Spike watching them. “At least we’re not avoiding Mikey.” Casey spoke. Leo stopped at his tracks. “I’m not avoiding Mikey.” He spoke with serious intent. “Yes, you are.” Casey protested back. “The whole band knows Leo. We can feel the vibes between you two. Like, first Mikey is attaching to you like a leech now he is avoiding you like a snail to a salt.” He added. Leo remained quiet for a minute. “Our relationship is not your concern-”  
“Hell yeah it is.” Slash interrupted. “The awkwardness is affecting the band. You two ain’t the only people here.” He said. “If this is about your family bullshit, you better make up your own mind Leo! As he is hurting more than you.” He growled in front of Leo’s face before leaving the room along with Casey.

 

Night falls.  
Donnie and Mikey arrived in the afternoon and prepared for their dates tonight. Mikey really hoped that all will be well to Leo and him. Donnie is concerned to the other couple. If Leo decides to call it off, Mikey’s heart will not take it.

 

Donnie heard a revving engine. He knew Raph is out the whole day. In fact, he starts to wonder where he is. He is seated on the bed of their room when the lead guitarist came in with a bouquet of purple tulips. “Well, the start of our date.” He smirked as the shy Don took it and smiled. “Thank you, Raphie.” Donnie answered. Raph patted the backseat of his bike. It made Don a little skittle and the guitarist knew about the phobia. “If you’re not ready, it’s okay. We can walk if you want.” Raph suggested. “No, Raphie… It’s okay, I guess.” The bass guitarist answered. Raph just lend him a hand and Don accepted it. “I trust you, Raphie.”

 

Those four words resonated on Raph’s mind, god damn, Don trusted him again. Trust. Such a powerful word. Raph felt extreme guilt again but tried to tone it down when Don wondered why he held his hand longer. He aided Don to the backseat. His partner hugged him tight, still a little shaky that he got till this far of the course. As much as Raph wanted to drive in his usual insane speed, he will be slower until Don is comfortable enough. He turned the engine on and drove in a moderate speed. It wasn’t long when Don is able to lose his tight grip, meaning he is comfortable enough. Raph is glad he is able to help Don with his phobia. Well, it’s pretty much his fault anyway.

 

Meanwhile, Mikey is so surprised and delighted that Leo agreed to have a dinner date with him. But they never spoke a word the moment they reached for the fancy restaurant. Well, it was romance in the air… In the other couples dining, for them, it’s full of dead air and awkwardness. He had to bring the old Leo back again. Luck came when their order arrived. Mikey noticed his lover is pale. He really is getting worried to him. “Leo, are you alright?” He asked. “Yes, Mikey. I am.” He answered in a monotonous tone yet had a smile, he seemed didn’t want to eat the food. The freckled turtle’s patience meter just gone off away. He shouted, “That’s it!” and stood up, grabbed Leo’s hand and went out of the restaurant. “What was that all about, Leo?!” Mikey snapped. “You tire yourself and acting like a jerk after that family issue you had!” His knuckles turned into white, his fuse had gone off. Seriously, Leo is the most stubborn if he wanted to. “It’s alright for me to endure it… I-”.

 

“Never again!” Leo spoke. “You’ve done so much for me and I just…! Just!” Leo grunted in frustration. “That stupid sword! I wish it never existed.” He said. “I… I’m sorry, Mikey.” The vocalist said, being remorse. “I…”

 

“I had to break up with you…”

 

The couple is walking side by side, holding hands as they walked around the carnival. Lots of people visiting, playing games and going to the rides. They started the date by eating at a simple hamburger stand. A large burger and a cheeseburger is enough to satisfy their appetite.  
“I never thought I’ll be able to conquer my fear to motorcycles.” Donnie giggled then sipped his drink. “Thank you, Raph. I felt like, I trust you enough that you will not let me fall.” He smiled.  
There it goes again.  
The aching guilt.  
Flashes of fire licking the ground, a lot of debris and an unconscious Don embracing him. His head is full of blood. The memory alone is driving him crazy.

 

“Raph? Raph!”  
“Huh?” He blinked, seemed his mind wandered off again. “Are you alright, dear?” He asked with concern. “Should we get home? It’s alright to me.” He spoke. You are too kind, Donnie. Why are you too kind to a person who broke you’re whole identity?  
“I’m okay. Don’t worry.” He answered. “Let’s just continue the date.” He smiled and then their orders arrived.  
(“I can do this… I can do this…”) Raph thought.

 

The wind gone a lot colder by the last sentence Leo spoke. He is unable to process the thought in his brain. His hands are sweating and iced cold, his eyes wandered below but not daring to stare to Leo’s eyes.  
“What…” Mikey stuttered. “Why, Leo?! Please, I-”  
“Please don’t make this much harder for me, Mike… I… I can’t give you much burden because of my family…” Leo remained composed but it showed to his eyes the real emotions bottled up.  
It felt the time stood still, two miserable figures just remained there. Sniffs and hiccups are heard and tears flows from Mikey’s sky colored eyes. He trembled as he spoke, “If… If that’s your decision, then there’s nothing I could do…” Mikey felt that his heart had been tossed to spikes. “Just… Just take me home.”

 

And Leo did. It’s hard to swallow he just said that to his Mike, his best friend, his boy friend, his everything. Yet, for the sake of him being in misery again, that they have no freedom again in being together.

 

Being with a smart turtle, one of the perks is winning a lot of stuff in the booths. Raph wanted to win something for his partner. Of course, he is the one who carries the stuff. The cute bassist is eating a cotton candy as they walk around. They passed by a shooting booth and it’s the perfect opportunity.  
Don stopped when Raph wanted to play it, with a toy gun and a lot of targets, he eyed on the bunny plush. Raph knew Donnie loves bunnies. He loves guns and this will be a breeze.  
Shoot! Bang!  
Nailed it! Heh, it seemed to be the only booth he can master as the others well… Not so much.  
“Here you go.” Raph said when he gave the big bunny plush to Don. The bassist blushed cutely. “Thank you, Raphie.” He snuggled on the bunny, heh. The cute.

 

They went on the ride they anticipated to go. The magical Ferris wheel. He held Don’s hand gently and aided him.  
As they ascended above…  
“You know, Don… I…” Raph trailed off. “Raphie, thank you.” Don said, and then let out his cutest smile ever. “I really enjoyed our date.” He said then hugged the big bunny toy. “I’m glad you liked it, Don. I just want you to be happy.” Raph spoke. His boyfriend is blooming. He is beautiful especially now the fireworks are starting to appear in the dark sky...

 

“I love you, Don…” The lead guitarist breathed. “Even… Even if I screw up really bad… If one day, you’ll leave me… I…” He shuddered, trying to not be a wimp and cry. “.. Always remember, I always love you and I always will.” Raph finally said before slowly staring back at Don.  
The shy turtle just remained silent, blinked and smiled. “Why you said screw up? You didn’t make me feel bad… Even if you did, you’ll say it and we’ll sort it out, right?” He replied. “Also… Why would I leave you? You didn’t do anything bad to me… Are you alright, Raph?” Donnie asked. “You’ve been spacing out lately…”   
Raph’s brain took a little while to process what Don had said. As he thought, Donnie will not understand. “I’m fine… Just a little tired, I guess.”  
“Well, I think we should go home after… I’m feeling a little sleepy as well.” Don spoke and held Raph’s hand. “But I really enjoyed our date. I love you.” Don blushed.  
Raphael felt his heart just shoot up from his chest, that warm feeling when he heard those three words from his lips. He held Don’s shoulders, the romance really fills their presence and slowly but surely, pressed his lips to Don’s. The bassist wrapped his arms around Raph’s neck and their kiss got deeper and passionate.

 

The drive way home is really taking forever, well, to the two broken hearted couple. Many thoughts are running in Michelangelo’s head, he is wordless in what Leo had said. He felt his whole body is in pain.  
On the other hand, Leonardo is trying his best to concentrate on the road. Being able to control his emotions, he tried really hard to pretend like nothing happened. He just broke the tight bond of the love of his life. He loved Mikey so much. He is the reason why his life is not black and white. He keeps his center on track and keeps him whole. He felt like a coward, he is a coward. He wanted to stand up to his parents but in his upbringing, he doesn’t have the guts to. He felt disgusted to himself, that he had done this to his best friend.

 

The car stopped at Mikey’s simple home. Leo opened the door to go to the other side to open Mikey’s door. Yet, he got interrupted when Mikey opened it by himself and goes out. One key point habits in their relationship is Leo treats Mikey like a princess and him as Mikey’s samurai. Mikey stopped in front.

 

“I should leave then-”  
“Wait.”  
Leo stopped from walking and looked back.  
“I have a request before we part ways.”  
Leo held his breath at that point.  
“... I would like to drink tea with you… And I want to give you something.”  
Mikey walked to the door and opened it, wanting Leo to go inside.  
The vocalist followed.

 

Leo knew Mikey had financial issues, due to that he lived independently when he was a kid. He doesn’t have riches yet his perseverance and optimistic thinking made him had his life stepped up a little, like able to have his own home.  
Leo had been a frequent visitor of Mikey’s cozy home. He awkwardly sat down on the couch as the host just walked to the kitchen to make tea.

 

The cute couple went down after a great and sweet ride. They held hands once again as they stroll outside the carnival to Raph’s bike. Both of them shared smiles at each other.

 

“When are you going to tell Don everything, Raph?”

 

Both looked at the source of the voice and there is April and Casey, standing a few distance from them. Raph froze, what is April doing?!  
“What are you talking about, April?” Don asked, quite confused. “He is a big liar, Don. He is using you again.”  
“No! I’m not…” Raph said in defense.  
“He had the right to know, Raph. Don is the one that will affect the most.” April explained. “This had to end, Raph.”  
“April, this is not our-”  
“Shut up, Casey. You’re involved in this as well. Remember you’re the one to make a bet with Raph that he will be with Don way back!” April screamed. It made Don got more confused, yet nervous too. “Raphie… What is going on?”  
Raph is unable to speak as well. He is not prepared for this. He considered not saying the confession because everything is going really, really well!  
“Do tell him, Raph! Tell him that you hurt him before he lost his memories! Tell him the truth that you used him for fun and for that god damn guitar as a bet prize with Casey! Tell him that you didn’t treat him as your boyfriend! Tell him that it’s your fault why he got in a motorcycle accident!” April yelled. Casey is trying to calm April down. Don just stared at Raph, who seemed to be quiet about it.

 

“Raph-” Donnie said. He gasped after then screamed. Raph and the others panicked and aided Don, telling him to calm down. Many things flashing through his eyes, Raph playing a song for him, Raph being angry in what he did, the same lead guitarist humiliating him on stage, harsh wind hitting his face and suddenly his sight spun and fire everywhere.  
“Don! Don! Calm down!” Raph shook the poor turtle until Don’s eyes blinked and widened. The bassist just stared at Raph, unlike the sweet, blushed stare, it is full of horror and fear.  
“You…” Don said, his eyes leaking tears. Raph’s heart completely stopped.  
“You lied…” Don pushed him away. “You lied!” He sobbed and ran.  
“Don! Let me explain please!” Raph tried to stand up, wobbled at first, then able to regain balance as he ran to catch up to Don.

 

Casey just stared at April. He saw Raph is really happy being Don, no jokes and bets this time. He can tell his best friend is trying to make up to Don, yet he had memory loss.  
“Why did you do that?!” Casey said, had firmness to his voice. By her doing, Raph will be seriously broken again, like two years ago. He witnessed the remorse and regret from his best buddy.  
“Like I said, Don deserves to know in time. I gave Raph too much time for him to tell Donnie what he had done.” April replied. “As Don’s guardian, I will never let Don get hurt by him again. I already gave him a chance and it’s all used up!”  
“Don’t you see how happy they are now? You’re the one who messed up everything!”  
“Which I didn’t do in the first place. You two just went in and meddle with Donnie’s life. Raph is the one that hurt him the most. It will get to this situation in any way because of his memory loss.” April said in a neutral voice. “I’d like to thank you though. Your idea of giving a date location to Raph for me to expose everything.”  
Casey was taken aback, his eyes widened by the revelation. So, she is using him all along. He is betrayed. There are no words to be said. He admitted. He liked April to a point that there is so much more.  
“You didn’t do this for his welfare, but yours!” Casey spoke. “You liked Donnie! So you did this plot to have him!”  
April just remained silent. “You’re an asshole, you know. And pretty much naive to everything.”  
She bit her lip.

 

Mikey returned with two cups of tea, which had Leo’s favorite flavor. Leo accepted the tea offered to him, even though awkwardly yet with gratitude. He is still confused why Mikey wanted this as the last request. The short turtle sat down beside him. Leo wondered why Mikey remained stoic like this, he knew he is a strong person but emotional to a lot of things. His mind drifted with so many questions of the decision he had made and what the consequences regarding that.

 

“Did you remember…” Mikey sighed, the warm, fragrant smoke grazing to their beaks. “This is how we met way back?”  
Leo looked at Mikey. His gaze just remained in the cup. He remembered it so well. The time he saved him from bullies. As thanks, Mikey invited Leo to his home, which is located in the downtown. The house is rickety and old, that is the time Leo first saw Mikey’s mother. She is quite surprised to his presence and just watched Mikey giving Leo some tea. When Mikey went to get some clean clothes so they can play, his mother told him to protect Mikey. Little Leo knew his mom is sick, as she is pale and shaking. After a few weeks, his mother passed on.  
“Yes, I do…” Leo answered. Now, he knew why this is Mikey’s request. Honestly, that memory was Leo’s most precious memory, as he met the love of his life and so far, he really does his best to protect the drummer. Leo just breathed deeply.

 

Mikey just stood up and went to his cabinet, revealing an old sword inside. He knew that sword well, it’s Miyamoto Musashi’s sword. A sword from his favorite samurai.  
“Don’t worry, it’s a replica…” Mikey said. “Well, that’s what Mom told me. I don’t need it anymore. You can have it. You’re more into this stuff than me.”  
Leo gazed at Mikey, despite the smiling face. He knew he hurt him badly.  
Leo just grasped the sword gently.  
“... Thank you.”

 

Raph is able to catch up to Don. He remembered everything, everything that happened two years ago. He is losing him again. He will not lose him again!  
He grabbed Don’s arm to stop him. Don didn’t respond but he only stood still.  
“Donnie, please let me explain. Just listen to me.” Raph panted. The bassist turned around with anger in his eyes. “I know everything now, Raphael. There’s nothing for you to explain. You think you’ll trick me again?! After that god damn deal you have with Case?!” Don yelled. Raph never saw the calm, peace loving Donatello to be in this rage level. Nice job, Raph. You’re the only person that is able to do that to Don.  
Regret is settling in Raph. Yet, all emotions are bottling up inside. Guilt, sadness, fear… Of what the outcome will happen. Seemed that he chose the worst scenario.  
“I’m very sorry, Don.” Raph breathed, he looked at the ground. He really felt remorseful in what he had done. “I’m sorry… I… I’m not the same Raph you encountered back. The thought of I lost you that time… Made me realize that I should’ve told you I had the same feelings as well…” He shuddered. “I… I can’t risk losing you again. When you died, you don’t know what happened… I… It kills me every day, Don. Just give me another chance to be in your life again… We we’re happy ever since we met again, aren’t we? Everything that I have said at the old library is true. I’m not lying about what I feel about you now…” Raph pleaded and stared at Don’s eyes as he held those olive colored hands tight.

 

However, Don’s expression remained the same. “I’m done, Raphael. I lost my trust to you… Twice.” He lastly said before releasing his hands from Raph’s grasp before running away, leaving the broken hearted man.


	16. Love of My Life

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Embrace (TMNT) BAND AU  
> Chapter 16: Love of My Life by Queen
> 
> Note/Warning: Tcest (RxD, LxM), Rock band stuff, OOC-ness, bad language, tragic stuff, mature stuff, music will vary on degrees. Also, this is unbeta'd.
> 
> Inspired from AmorTortuga's Time To Pretend fanfic!
> 
> The one with the ITALICS are Raph's flashbacks or can be called as memory triggers. I see a lot of fanfics regarding amnesia that the one who had memory loss is the one who had triggers, I made it the opposite since it adds effect because of Raph's guilt and conscience.  
> The one with BOLD are the text messages.  
> The one with (" ") is usually Raph's thoughts.
> 
> The swimming thing was inspired from Time To Pretend and Frankenpup's A Lesson in Boxing (There is a chapter where Leo jumped off and Mikey didn't knew he had fear of heights)  
> Queen's songs are always associated with LxM cause of the influence of Kamechuu

Love of my life - you hurt me,  
You broken my heart and now you leave me.  
Love of my life can't you see,  
Bring it back, bring it back,  
Don't take it away from me, because you don't know, what it means to me.  
-Love of My Life, Queen

The weeks after, is hell. All of the members, except for Tim and Slash, who left confused. The whole atmosphere is cold like winter. Mikey is nowhere to be found, Leo went back to Japan for an emergency family meeting last week, Donnie locked himself in his room, April and Casey just had cold shoulders from each other and Raph just left with his motorcycle every day.

Today is supposed to be their one of the recording sessions and practice, yet seemed that even the leader is, for the first time, not in focus. They had a hunch what is happening to the three couples based from their observations. They are worried that the bands will fall apart or worse, their careers will end. Tim and Slash decided to try and talk it out if anyone of these people settled down and open up.

Something happened. One night, Leonardo called Slash, his voice is stern yet there is something that is peculiar, it’s not calm nor confident nor demanding as usual. He had a plan.

Their vehicle stopped at a small town, near the forest and a lake. Before this whole tour, they all wanted to swim in a lake, like a summer outing.  
\---  
“Hey, Mike, Slash here.” The big turtle said with his phone on his ear. He is walking beside the lake. “Where are you?” He asked. “Been trying to call you for days now. Anyway, we plan to swim here in the lake you’ve been bugging us to go. And… Mike, everything is out of control here. It won’t be long if… This tour or our bands will get fucked up.” He hissed. “I know this is about Leo, Mike. He’s not here right now. So it’s alright if you drop by.” Slash said then shut the call off.  
\---  
Leo in front of his former home. His heart felt heavy and needed some thinking. Apparently, to his annoyance, two days after he broke up with Mikey, his parents called him. He had an obligation with the band but this made him think he should give it up. As much as Leo doesn’t want to go back, he did anyway, in a span of a week. He felt shit, literally. His body is taking a toll from all the stress he had, to work, to his family… His relationship with Mikey. Just a couple of pills and it will be gone, he guessed.  
The servants opened the gate and helped him carry his baggage to the living room. He specifically said he’ll carry the sword Mikey had given to him. Leonardo kneels down when his parents arrived and sat down in front of him.  
“Why do you need me here?” Leo asked, quite had a little brash tone. His parents just stared at each other.  
“We just wanted to see you, my son.” His mother said who is always affectionate to him.

Leo is too tired in this, which he had to follow every whim and orders from his parents. He just remained quiet.  
“Are you still upset to us about the sword trial, Leonardo?” His mother asked, quite very concerned.  
“It’s okay, Mother. It’s all over now anyway.” Leo spoke. His gaze is on the floor. They never had seen their son in this state. “Whoever owns that sword can have my hand in marriage.”

His mother looked at his father. His father remained silent and breathed deeply. “My son, understand that we had to hold our honor with pride. The elders ordered that whoever owns the missing sword is held tie as one of our families’ closest allies. We had to comply with that rule.” He explained.  
“As much as we wanted you to be with Michelangelo… We…” His mother stopped as Leo’s knuckles turned white by gripping too much on his pants. “There’s no need to discuss about this as I already made my decision. Father, Mother, I’m tired from the flight.” Leo spoke tiredly. He is basically exhaust in everything and wanted to leave all behind.  
“Very well, Leonardo.” His Father spoke and nodded. “You may go.” Leo gracefully stood up and lifted his bags, including Mikey’s sword.  
“I am not aware you have a new sword, Leonardo.” His Father stated. Leo looked back at him then at the sword wrapped around his shoulder. “Yes… Mikey gave it to me.” His son answered.  
“May I see it?” He asked. Leo is a little reluctant at first. “It’s only a replica, Father.”  
“It’s alright, my son. I just want to see it. It had an aura… That is familiar to me.” He stated. Leonardo kneels again and bowed while his hands are stretched forward to his father, giving the sword to him.  
The father observed the sheath and the handle. “This… This is the sword we look for.” Leo and his mother stared at him. Leo’s eyes are widened then blinked. “But Father… It’s only a replica…” Leo said. As much as he wanted for his parents to let him be free from this arranged marriage as he had a knack the real sword is gone.  
He draws the sword, the father keenly gazed at the blade of the sword. “Miyamoto Musashi’s sword… Our most valued possession that showed our strong bonding with his clan.”  
“Wait… You mean…” Leo stammered.  
“Yes, my son. This is his sword… The replica of it, as you said.” His mother spoke. “Our ancestor is best friends with him… Thus, creating a strong bond between the clans in a long time…”  
Being away from Japan for a young age makes Leo don’t have enough knowledge about his clan. Yet, he is considered one of the most honorable members. This must be one of the clan secrets since he never heard such a thing during his education.  
“There is one thing to prove if this sword is real… Not a mere replica.” His father stood up and walked in front of the pit. “If I place the blade to the fire and glowed blue, it is authentic.” He said before dipping the blade in the fire.

Leo gulped and stared at the faint bluish glow it emitted.

His father and mother beamed. “Finally we found our sword.” He said. “I shall report to the elders.” He said as he sheathed the sword back. Leo just remained speechless, Michelangelo is a descendant. Now it makes sense why his mother entrusted Mikey to him.

“Leonardo, as stated, you will marry the current owner of this sword. You shall be married to Michelangelo.”  
\---  
The remaining days of his trip is just very bizarre yet he stressed that Mikey and him are not together anymore. As usual, he got reprimanded again and must do all ways to get him back. Until the last day, the events never sunk in his head properly for processing.  
What should he do now?

The last situation he saw in the bands are… Now that he realized, not good. He is waiting for his flight when he called the least affected member, Slash.  
“Yo. Finally Fearless Leader is back from the dead.” He said with amusement.  
“Knock it off. How’s it going there?” Leo asked.  
“Bullshit, Leo. It’s full of bullshit.” Slash grunted. “Full of drama and shit like that. Fix this. Now.”  
“I’m on the airport right now. Something happened and I had to talk to Mikey.” Leo said, almost in a begging voice.  
“Mikey ain’t here. He went to god knows where after you breaking up with him.” Slash said. “And why should I help you clean your shit? Last time I heard is you don’t want to be with Mike anymore.” The other line is unable to answer, for the first time ever, from the most strict and demanding leader.

After seconds of silence, Slash just grunted and said “I’ll do my best.”  
\---  
This is what Leo’s plan is to lure Mikey here, as so Slash thought. He knew Mikey is a forgiving turtle but still… Poor kid because of the heartbreak.  
\---  
“Donnie?” April knocked while carrying a tray of food, a steak with rice and a glass of iced tea. “Here is your food. Come on, you’re not eating for days.” She knocked again. Apparently, Timothy passed by the hall and saw the distressed band mate. “Don, come on…”  
“It’s useless, April.” Tim said. “Don, if you didn’t come out in 5 seconds… I’m going to break the door-”  
“Tim!” April shouted. “He had to come out, April. I’ll just explain everything to Leo when he arrives.” He reasoned and tried to break the door using his foot. “He takes a lot of extremes in everything he does. From building things to his simple interests, trust me, being his student, I saw a lot.”  
“Wait- What student?” April asked.  
“He’s was my tutor. I kept failing my subject’s way back. I graduated college because of him. Is there any problem with that?” Tim raised an eyebrow.  
“He… He never told me anything about that.” April said, looking a little confused.  
“Well, I know you’re his guardian, April. But you don’t control his life.” Tim lastly said before knocking the door out. They went inside quickly but gentle as they search for their friend.  
But nothing is there. Panic rushed to their veins, especially Don’s guardian as they search every nook and cranny in the room for the bucktoothed turtle, also for any clues.  
They noticed a few clothes are not there, his duffel bag, his phone and other things. Tim pointed out at the window left opened.  
\---  
News broke out that the purple bassist had gone missing. As much as they wanted to cancel the lake trip, apparently, Slash had other plans for that and it must continue. But he agreed Don must be found, in the spare hours left, they searched for the missing turtle.  
The unofficial appointed leader, Slash, is not happy in what is happening at the moment. All of his band mates are all over the place.  
He grunted as he tried to call Raph but he is unreachable.  
\---  
As bad as it sounds, Casey and April got teamed up for the search of Donnie. They had a feeling Slash had set them up intentionally to probably work it out or somewhat. Both remained silent as they ventured by possible places Don can go. Since they are on tour, Don can go anywhere. April thought most likely place Don will go are either quiet places or forests as the curious turtle loves to explore, especially that is something to do with science.  
“He told me a few days ago he planned to go to a forest with Raph…” April said while holding on to the trunk of the trees as the land is too muddy and slippery. While Casey, wearing boots instead of his usual Converse shoes with his design flare because of this prank Mikey and Tim did as revenge of him putting their underwears (Yes, even Mikey) in the freezer.

“Yeah, I know they planned it this week.” Casey spoke yet it is still angry about what happened to the couple because of what April did. The lady just remained quiet for a few minutes, feeling everything she did is all wrong. “I get it alright?! I get it that-!”

“But in some point, you’re right.” Casey said, while they saw a nice view of the forest, it looked like a playground. “If my best bud is living in lies I’ll do the same thing…” Casey sighed and sat on a tree stump. “But still! You should wait for Raph to be ready!”  
“Do I have to remind you that their first meeting is months already?! I gave Raph enough time to get his shit together and confess to Don!” Her voice volume increased. “You think me as a guardian is easy? You think that I’ll just sit here and wait for something to happen?!” April screamed. “I loved Don, yes, way back! I loved him much when he is head over heels to Raph two years ago! And seeing him being hurt like that… You really think I should just watch Donnie withered slowly because of Raph not giving love or at least, respect him?! Now, here he goes again, filling Don’s head with lies! Raph deserved what happened to him!”

“But he loves Don for real now! I know you saw the same to him as well! People make mistakes, April, yeah, stupid and idiotic mistakes included!” Casey yelled but he really, really tried not to raise voices with her. Casey looked away.

“... I thought I found the perfect girl, red.”  
April just gasped when Casey’s head hung down and sighed. “I guess I was wrong.”  
\---  
“Guys?”  
Slash and the other remaining members looked at the confused boy. A short boy, wearing an orange shirt and regular navy blue pants. There is a bon fire near their tour bus, with food and logs to sit on. Beside them is a nice, crystal lake and a tall cliff that anyone dared to jump off. They are surrounded by lush green forest, endless twinkling stars and a full white moon.

“Hey Mike! You’re back!” They exclaimed. The little turtle looked around, good, no Leo. He thought they are tricking him. He sat down as April offered him some cola and barbeque. Slash made this simple even just to cheer the little drummer.  
“Where have you been, boy?” Slash said then took a swig on his beer. Mikey fiddled his thumbs.  
“I’m just… Thinking a lot.” He spoke,  
“Well, I didn’t hear that every day.” Slash said and chuckled. Mikey pouted at first then sighed. “Guys… I wanted to say something… I…”

“... I want to quit the band.”

The scene is just pure silence. All stared at him in shock.  
“WHAT?! WHY?!”

The orange clad turtle looked down. “Please understand… I… I will not do well in our band. It’s better if I part away.” Mikey sighed. “You all don’t know how happy I am to play music as it is in my blood… To perform with my close friends… It also helped my life, as you all know that this is my living from being the poorest of the poor to so-so decent. But… I can’t do this anymore… I hope you respect my decision and I really apologize for the late notice.” He said and bowed a little.

Slash’s serious expression remained though he already had a hunch Mikey is going to let loose but not this soon.  
“Does Leo know?” He only asked. The remaining members looked at him, as if it is banned to say their leader’s name in front of Michelangelo. It took a while before Mikey answered. “No.”  
“Well, you have to talk to him. He is our band leader so to speak.” Slash said and crossed his arms. “Slash, I’m not joking this time.” Mikey retaliated. “So are we, Mikey. If you want to quit, then talk to him. We have no problem your decision. Leo handles all of the press cons, promotions and other band stuff. This is not about you lovey dovey relationship drama, it’s about the band and he had the right to know as the standing leader.” He reasoned out, the folks just looked at him and seemed to agree that he is right.

Mikey’s lips remained thin and averted their gazes. “I’m gonna go swim.” He removed his clothing until what are left are his shorts. He wondered and thanked actually, that his friends are not teasing him about sort of denying and not able to have a come back to what Slash had said. But still, it bugs him because he knew that his friends knew what his actions meant.

He is delighted that there is a high cliff that he can jump off. He ran to the location of the cliff and he walked near to the edge and took a peek. It’s high and intimidating.

“This is going to be fun-” Mikey said and preparing to jump when a hand grasped his shoulder. He screamed and quickly turned around, if there is a ghost or someone pranking him again.

He turned back, it’s his ex. Leonardo.

It felt that time is ticking slower. It felt that the world stood still. The atmosphere got a lot chiller. Mikey took a look at the ground. His band mates are not there anymore. It seemed this is a trap all along.

Both are silent, standing carefully on the cliff.  
“Mike-”  
“What are you doing here?” Mikey asked in a low yet menacing tone. He is the last person he wanted to see right now. It still pains him really badly, that they are not together anymore. But it seemed he asked the wrong question since the man stood before him is their so called “fearless leader”.

“What do you want?” Mikey asked once more. Leo only looked at his feet, now he seemed to be like a tamed cat, unlike the usual demanding and confident lion he is.  
“Mikey, I need to talk to you.” Leo said.  
“Well, we already are talking aren’t we?” Mikey said and crossed his arms. The response made Leo flinched. Making his beloved pissed is always not a good sign, as it rarely is Mikey’s emotion as he is always positivity. Without Mikey’s happiness, Leo felt he is off center.  
“Please listen to me, just this last chance.” Leo begged. “Please, Mikey. After this, then decide.”  
Mikey just stared at him, icy blue eyes stared. He felt no warmness to Mikey’s orbs. He messed this up big time. “Alright then, Leonardo. Speak.”

Leo sighed. This is now or never. One slip and it’s all over.  
“I found the person who will have my hand in marriage.” Leo spoke, his gaze went down again. He is surprised by Mikey’s reaction when he took a peek. It’s seemed to be a neutral face. But he knew he is really hurt. Mikey didn’t reply back.  
“... Congratulations.” Leo heard a sniff. Mikey is crying.  
“We found the sword-”  
\---  
“No more, Leo! Please, no more!” Mikey yelled, sobbing, his hands are on his ears. He doesn’t want to hear words that sliced like knives to his heart.  
“But Mikey!”  
“Not anymore, Leo!’ He took a step back.  
“Mikey!”  
“Are you happy now, Leo?! That finally your clan found that person to be wed to you?! There’s no need to say it!” Mikey snarled and took another step back.  
Leo screamed, “Mikey, watch out!” All heard is Mikey’s screaming as he slipped off.  
“MIKEY!”  
He realized Mikey is falling down. His heart is beating fast, a lot faster than he usually felt. He saw Mikey splashed on the water on his back. He blinked and shook his head. The cliff is too high and shivered at the thought. Now, his dark secret had put into the test. Only his parents knew about this, not even Mikey knew about it, as he is too afraid that his fear is petty to others.  
\---  
(“You can do this, Leo. Come on!”) He thought. He knew the title “Fearless Leader” is just a fun lie. He is not fearless. He looked down again.

Mikey isn’t up in the water. Leo panicked and shouted, “Help! Guys!” But he had no much time left. He must save his beloved. His whole being is telling him not to do it.  
All he knew is he is away from the edge of the cliff, his feet can’t touch anything as he is very, very shortly flying above before gravity pulls him down.

He is falling, falling with no reassurement or predictions of the outcome. Unlike in his most plans, he had plan A, B, C, and so on… He only thought of Mikey, his Michelangelo. He only wished to become with Mikey again and to shower his love and affections to the little turtle. His body still unable to react by how fast what was happening. He gets closer and closer to the water, seeing a shadow in it.

“MIKEY!”

SPLASH!


	17. 214

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Embrace (TMNT) BAND AU  
> Chapter 17: 214 by Rivermaya
> 
> Note/Warning: Tcest (RxD, LxM), Rock band stuff, OOC-ness, bad language, tragic stuff, mature stuff, music will vary on degrees. Also, this is unbeta'd.
> 
> Inspired from AmorTortuga's Time To Pretend fanfic!

Am I real?  
Do the words I speak before you make feel  
That the love I've got for you will see no ending?  
Well if you look into my eyes then you should know  
That you have nothing here to doubt nothing to fear  
And you can lay your questions down cause if you'll hold me  
We can fade into the night and you'll know  
-214 by Rivermaya

\---  
“HAH!” The blue clad turtle gasped as he held his beloved between his arms. His energy got depleted all of a sudden. Leonardo is scared as hell, one, is that Mikey is not responding and two, he faced his fear of heights, which is always not well. He really tried to get his mind to focus. All he knew is a couple of hands are grabbing him and Mikey. He moved when Mikey laid still and performed mouth to mouth, praying that he’ll cough up and live. He already knew deep inside that he doesn’t have a chance to Mikey anymore and he’ll leave Mikey for good if chance is given for Mikey to survive.

Leo released when Mikey responded by coughing roughly and curled to one side. He smiled as he is able to save his love. His energy is completely drained and adrenaline is wearing out.

His name is being called many times after his sight gone dark.  
\---  
“Is Leo going to be okay?” April asked after putting some soup in a bowl for Mikey to eat in the other room. The rest of the band mates are on the table outside the tour bus, munching on the left over barbeque and pizza they ordered. They were anticipating as Leo is in a dangerous state earlier, they left Mikey and him to rest and not to crowd much.

“Yeah, he will. He is not called Fearless Leader for nothing.” Casey said, leaning on his chair.  
“His body got in extreme fatigue that caused a very delirious fever.” April said and poured orange juice in a glass. “Seemed that our busy schedule and sleepless nights made Leo pushed his limit.”  
Silence once again just happened between them.  
“But thanks, April.” Casey said. 

Ever since their talk in the forest and a failed search of Donatello, they sort of cooled down in a sense, particularly April. 

_“... I thought I found the perfect girl, red.”  
“I guess I was wrong.”_

April closed her eyes while putting everything in the tray. She really tried to forget that search. “Why thanks? I just do what I had to do.” She finally said before going to Leo’s room.  
\---  
Using her knee as the balance of the tray, April opened the door. Surprising sight is Mikey is sleeping on bed with Leo. He was sitting beside Leo before she left. Leo still laid still and didn’t move it is only Mikey embracing his chest. The lady just placed the tray on the side table and taking her leave.

“Unnghh…” The larger turtle moaned and finally able to rouse. His sight is distorted until it gradually disappears the longer he stares. He literally felt… So heavy. He can feel the wet towel on his head. He rarely gets sick but when he does, it’s very, very bad. He tried to get up but his arms gave up by the drainage of his energy and needed for recovery. Also, a sleeping little turtle was beside him. “Mikey…” Leo whispered and turn in front of him. He grazed his hand across Mikey’s cheek. He lost this beautiful being beside him as he wondered why Mikey slept beside him. It only sliced his heart to pieces to the real fact that he broke up with him because of a stupid reason.

Because of the brushing on his cheek, Mikey whined and blinked his eyes until he is completely awake. His expression changed when his eyes gazed upon Leo. “You’re awake…” He said. His sky blue eyes sparkled before hugging the bigger turtle tight. Leo just wondered. Mikey still cares to him. Though, he doesn’t want Mikey to get sick so he doesn’t know what to do. He just gently wrapped his arms around the small frame.  
Yet, Mikey broke the embrace, removed the blanket and preparing to leave.  
“Mike, wait-” He tried to stop him.  
“Thank you for saving me.” He spoke. “I… I had to quit the band. Folks said I need your permission, being the leader and all.”  
Leo didn’t react to anything, just a longing yet sad stare.  
“This had nothing to do in what happened to us.” Mikey explained but they both knew this is one big, fat lie. “I just don’t have the energy to play anymore.” He said. To Mikey, Leo is his music. His muse, his melody that kept him going, that kept him to work hard and strive to his career. He is his joy and peace. And it’s been taken away from him.

The leader being unable to answer made Mikey a little ticked. “That’s it. Agree or not, I’ll go any-”

“Don’t go.” A begged voice was heard.  
\---  
April is currently outside the tour bus. It’s almost midnight and she is getting sleepy already. She had to wait for Leo to rouse so she can tend to him.  
“You’re really like the mother of these bands.” A chuckled followed, making April go wide awake. A soft fabric draped on her shoulders, it’s a jacket. April acknowledged it with thanks as Casey sat down beside her.  
The atmosphere is cold but a different, awkward cold feeling.  
“What do you want?” April asked. Ever since that conversation in the forest, she tried to avoid his company. “Nothing, red. Just noticed something that you’re bugged a lot.” Casey explained, making April avoid his gaze.

“It’s nothing, Case. I’m too tired in caring to everyone, so don’t call me a “mother”.” April spat out.   
“What’s with you lately, April?” Casey irritatingly said.   
“You became a Leo. Broody.” He smirked. The last sentence ticked her bomb. Flare of anger went through her veins.  
April scowled. “THAT’S ENOUGH! I’m done with you, Casey!” April cried, her limit got broken and burst like a volcano. “You always think you’re right! You always think you’re the best and can get anything you like!” She sobbed and is definitely angry.  
Casey quickly stood up and gripped her shoulders and shook her. “You talk like you know everything! News flash April, YOU DON’T! I didn’t even get the girl I loved ever since she and I met!” He yelled and panted after. His eyes blinked and sees the lady just literally gave up and just cried there. His breathing got slower and released his grip on her, assuring that he didn’t harmed her. “I’m… Sorry, April.” He whispered.

“I love you, Casey…” April sobbed. “You don’t know everything…”  
Casey stared at her. All he could do is embrace her.  
\---  
“Why should I follow you?” Mikey hissed. “Give me one good reason.” Leo heaved while trying to get up and hold his hand. “You’re the one, Mike. Your sword… Is the one that my family had been… Looking for.” Leo coughed. “I will be wed to you… Finally.” He said.   
Mike just yanked off his hand from Leo’s grasp. “You think you’ll get whatever you want, Leo? You think that after what happened, after all the shit I do for your family’s approval, you really think I’ll just agree and just think that this break up never happened?!” Mikey screamed. “Not anymore, Leo! I’m done of you giving me false hopes to me! I’m done pleasing you that you never appreciated it! I had enough.” He glared before turning his back to leave. “Mike! Wait-” Leo shouted but coughed hard.

Mikey burst out of the door, causing the couple to break their embrace. With bags on his hand, it seemed that Leo failed in convincing him to stay. “Wait, Mikey!” April called out but Mikey kept walking. It hurt Mikey to do this but he had to. He is so tired, much more tired than Leo about their relationship. It seemed that they were never meant to be in the first place. He is heaven and he is earth. Two different people from different state of living. He tried his best. He really did, to make Leo happy and his family favorable to him. He felt that he is being used and manipulated. Now that it dawned to him, that this relationship is a big illusion and a lie. Mikey called on a taxi once he got to the main road. Before he touched the handle, a very warm hand caught his other, stopping him.

“Mikey, please. Just one last chance. We… We’re almost there. We’re finally are together. No more family dilemma that you despised, no more hesitation. We’re are free and a couple to my family’s eyes.” Leo spoke out, still catching up to his breathing. Seemed that his mate is still not convinced. “I’ll court you again if you want. I’ll get your heart again. I’ll do anything for you, Mike and you know that… I know I did a very stupid mistake. I only did that because of the terms my family had.” Leo said, praying to deities above that Mike will change his mind. Once more, Mikey shrugged Leo’s grasp. “No, Leo. I’m so tired. We’re not together anymore. I give up.” He finally said before opening the door and got himself in. He heard his friends screamed as the taxi slowly drove off.  
Mikey still loves Leo, he always had been. He tried being a good boy friend to him. He tried to be a good best friend. He tried making him happy to align to Leo’s likes.

“LEO!!!”  
He heard a loud, harsh cough. He heard Leo’s voice trying to shout his name.  
“LEO! Dude! APRIL!”

Blue eyes widened and looked at the back window. April and Casey are panicking while aiding the coughing Leonardo until April ran back to the tour bus. His eyes blinked and his head moved frantically, not sure on what to do. On a second, “Stop the taxi!” He screamed, gave cash and ran back. It’s still a short distance. Once he got to Leo and Casey, he held Leo’s hand.  
“Leo! Hey, Leo! Look at me! Open your eyes!” Mikey said while tapping Leo’s face. Being an emotional turtle, his eyes let out tiny tears already because of extreme worry. “M-Mike…” Leo stuttered as his shaking hand cupped his cheek softly and smiled. “You’re so near… Yet so f-far…” He said before Leo heard many footsteps as his eyes rolled. He heard shouting such as “What should we do?!” “Call Leatherhead!!!” “Leo! LEO!”  
\---  
Mikey became restless that night. Leatherhead is their friendly, soft spoken crocodile that tended to Leonardo. Leatherhead is close friends to Donatello the most, as they are both fascinated in the world of science and technology. Since the tour, they didn’t see LH that often and it’s pretty bad that their first time seeing again after a long time is Leonardo being in trouble.  
First the break up, then Raph and Don separated, both gone missing, now this. The adrenaline never leveled down even a bit as he is worry to his Leo. On a lighter side, Casey and April finally made amends and building their relationship again. His leg is jiggling in nervousness as he waited almost the whole night for the result. As much as he doesn’t want to think negatively but… He can’t help it.

Two shadows loomed over him.

“My dear...”  
“I’ll stay with him. You go ahead, I’ll follow.”

He did not dare to look up as he knew what voices he is hearing. Leo’s parents. Honorable and Lady Hamato. Leo’s parents.  
He knew this is his entire fault, so big that his parents took a rushed flight from their private jet in Japan. Yes, Leo is that wealthy. He is so doomed.

He felt a warm presence sat beside him. Lady Hamato is always very kind and soft spoken. Mikey just kept his head down and trying to avoid the lady’s gaze.

“Michelangelo… It’s been a while since we last see each other.” She said, smiling. Mikey doesn’t know how to respond. “Yes, my lady.” He forced to talk, no, muttered. He had to give respect or else his head will slice off like a melon.  
“Child, this is not our son’s fault… It is my beloved husband and mine.” She said and exhales, especially after seeing Mikey not responsive to what she had said. “The elders are in rage when they learned Leonardo declined to marry Karai, as it is already planned they will be betrothed at the right age. He is ready to face seppuku but I intervened.” She stopped, even with her held down she knew Michelangelo is listening. “He loves you that much. He left his dreams of being a samurai just to be with you… Mikey.” She spoke, using his affection name.

It was awfully quiet after that. But then, “His family never liked me. I’m poor, have no title or valiant achievements. I realized that now, that it’s just too good to be true to be happy. That poor people like me will never have a silver platter for free.” He said, his hands gripping his knees.  
“Dearest, we never think of you that way. We always knew you are a hardworking partner of my son, always wanting him to be happy and keep him company.” She said. “Your mother… She is my best friend. I haven’t seen her since the war of the clans decades ago.” The lady closed her eyes. “In decision with my husband, I, Lady Hamato, give Michelangelo the sole right to be the lawful husband to our eldest son, Leonardo.” Mikey’s eyes widened, she’s giving an honorable consent. Now, he looked up, seeing the Lady standing up in her petite posture. “I respect whatever your decision is, Michelangelo. But please don’t let my son suffer any longer. He only loved you.”  
\---  
Once again, blue eyes opened and the resting Leonardo slowly moves his head to look around. He sees his father and mother. “... What are you doing here, Father?” He groggily asked. “My son…” He smiled, his wrinkles are moving along to his expression, showing his level of wisdom and honor. “Finally you are roused. We heard from your friend April about what happened when we tried to contact you.” Leo groaned, “Mother, you shouldn’t be bothered coming here. I’m fine-”  
“What is wrong of us being worried to you? You are my beloved baby.” She said while gently rubbing his head in affection. “Mother, I’m not a child anymore.” She only giggled. “We just want to make sure your recovery is progressing, and then we’ll leave.” She told him after a kiss to the forehead.  
“Mike… Where is he?” He asked weakly.  
“He’s outside the whole night, dear. He never slept nor ate.” His father said. “I… I want to see him… Even if he… He doesn’t love me anymore… I want… I want to bid goodbye if he wishes to leave…” Leo said. His parents nodded and went outside and urged Mikey to come in. The smaller turtle slowly appeared at the door as Lady Hamato closed the door for privacy. There he is, his love in front of him, he tried to get up to reach for him but he is too tired to do so. Mike sees it and gestured to no need as he walked closer to him. Leo stared at his crystal blue orbs. His eyes are soggy and exhausted. “I thought you left…” He whispered while reaching for Mikey’s hand. “I… I want to say goodbye at least before you go…” Leo spoke then coughed. Mikey only remained silent but Leo just gazed at him and surprised he is weeping. “Mike- Oof!” He only said before Mikey tackled him and began to sob on his shoulder. His wails become louder and louder, holding Leonardo tight. It wasn’t long when tiny tears came out from Leo as well, as he savored his embrace with him. “Sshh… I’m okay. You do not need to worry.” He reassured but Mike continued to wail. Leo chuckled, Mikey is always a baby, his baby, and he remained embraced to him until he calmed down and fell asleep.

Hours later, Honorable and Lady Hamato returned inside, only smiling at what they see of two lovers being together again.  
\---  
A rustling of leaves was heard as a vehicle accelerated in high speed. Red streaks are appearing by as it passed the wide road. The roaring engine was heard until it went to full stop knowing it reached its desired location. A very familiar place.

The old library.

He took his helmet off and Raphael walked inside. As he continued down the halls, he stopped and stared at the reader in that table.

“I knew it that I’ll find you here.”


	18. November Rain

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Embrace (TMNT) BAND AU  
> Chapter 18: November Rain by Guns N Roses
> 
> Note/Warning: Tcest (RxD, LxM), Rock band stuff, OOC-ness, bad language, tragic stuff, mature stuff, music will vary on degrees. Also, this is unbeta'd.
> 
> Inspired from AmorTortuga's Time To Pretend fanfic!

When I look into your eyes  
I can see a love restrained  
But darlin' when I hold you  
Don't you know I feel the same

'Cause nothin' lasts forever  
And we both know hearts can change  
And it's hard to hold a candle  
In the cold November rain  
-November Rain, GNR  
\---  
As being in the library, it’s all silent. But this is a very cold one. There is Raphael, standing before the missing turtle, now found.

“I knew it that I’ll find you here.” Raph spoke. The reader just closed his book. He is sitting on the same spot that he usually sat two years ago when they were dating. After Raphael received a text message from Slash…

Don is missing.

He was sitting on his bike while looking at the carnival, the only place he went after the whole revelation to Donnie. He is contemplating on what he must do to get Donnie back. He received the message and panicked. His mind raced quickly as rereads the short message over and over. He tried to calm down while his hand is on the handle. Now, where does a Donatello go? He travelled to many possible places he could have been, the nerd is a nature lover, so mostly beaches, trees or anything related to that. The last, desperate place he thought is the library back in their town. He thought that it’s impossible for Don to be there are it is really, really far. But knowing Donnie, he’d go to great lengths just to finish anything. Part of being obsessed to science he guessed.

“Don, come on. Talk to me…” Raph said as he stepped closer.  
“There’s nothing to talk about especially of what you did in the past… And what you did now.” Don hissed and just touched the embossed title of the book.  
“Just let me explain, Don.” Raph plead. “There’s no need for explanations if you had two strikes already.” Don replied.

Don is surprised that Raph quickly grabbed his shoulders and stared at his eyes. Raph’s eyes are expressed in pain and regret. Donatello felt his guard let down all of a sudden, as if he wanted to tell him something… Or everything. But then again… Raph quickly rose up his defenses and turned away, gently removing his grasp from Donnie’s shoulders and sat on a chair, his face covered by his hands.

“I hate you.”  
“I know.”  
“You used me.”  
“I know.”  
“You played and humiliated me.”  
“I know.”  
“You lied to me and you didn’t love me.”  
“... I did lie.”

Don didn’t say anything after hearing that. His thin lips remained locked. He can felt the pain in Raph’s eyes, the regret he had to the things he have done. Raph knew at the back of his mind, there is a little chance he’ll forgive him but he’ll do anything to get Don to be comfortable around him at least.

“I…” Raph sighed. Don raised his eyebrow. Raph is loss at words that if he even made a mistake in his wording, it will be all over. As much this is breaking his heart… He took off a lace of silver around his neck and placed it down on the table. The silver ring is attached to it, the same item that he brought up in their last visit in this library. Funny that they start and ended their relationship in the same place.

“I didn’t know where he is buried. But he always loved this library and that spot. I visit him every day, giving him flowers and books like I should’ve done that time he and I are still together… And saying sorry every time. I want him to know…” Raph looked at the empty spot. Donnie can see Raph had sad, tired eyes. “That I don’t want to make it up with him… I know he will not forgive me…” he sniffed.

“But I just want him to know I love him dearly.”

“I was supposed to give this to him that night. That he and I will have a clean start. That I’ll be the boyfriend he dreamed of. Yet, as you know, it didn’t happen. I always sing that song for him every night.” He mumbled, finally his tears are flowing freely as Donnie witnessed it. In front of him is not a famous and talented rock star but a broken hearted man. “I didn’t have the courage to smoke, drink beer or even do drugs because it reminded me of him scolding me. I want him to know I’ve changed. I want his forgiveness and the opportunity to love him.” Raphael placed the ring beside the flowers.

“I didn’t pretend. I didn’t say any lie but only once.” He finally said before he stood up slowly. He didn’t dare to look at Donnie.

The bigger turtle stopped when he heard Don spoke. “I want to go home.”  
\---  
“Feel a little better?” April asked while bringing a tray of food to Leo who is rousing with the sleeping Michelangelo clutched around his chest.  
“Uhh… Yeah, thanks.” He smiled. “Heh, I sensed a big burden that got lifted from you.” April smiled, seeing Leo squeezed Mikey a little. She took her leave when Mikey’s eyes fluttered open.  
“Good morning, Mike.” Leo greeted warmly. The little turtle groaned and stretched his kinks out. Cute blue eyes only stared at Leo, only then tiny tears are threatened to fall. “I-I’m sorry, Leo…”  
“Shh…” He hugs him again to calm down. “It’s okay, Mike. I’m sorry I wasn’t able to make you happy. All what matters is we’re together now. I’m happy that you forgave me.” He cupped his face, he loves those squishy cheeks. “You do not have to worry of our marriage. We have a lot of time and... I broke your trust. I have to earn it again to be worthy for your hand.”  
Mikey’s eyes blinked. “No, Leo! It’s okay!” But Leo only held his hands. “I want a new start with you. We’re not hiding in the shadows anymore and my family will not meddle in our relationship again. I heard mother gave you permission.” He kissed Mikey’s forehead, making the little turtle blush like a school girl.  
“Let me show how much I love you, Mikey.”  
\---  
As much as awkward as this is, Raph is riding his motorcycle with Donnie behind him. Donnie only grasped his jacket but not the point of hugging him from behind. It seemed Donnie want to leave it all behind. It’s getting dark already as the sun already set. Cold wind rushes between them as the driver accelerated the speed. Raph’s heart is beating fast. It really pains him that Donatello and him are not together anymore and is out of second chances.

Don stared at the dark blue sky, with no stars above at all, hidden in the thick gray clouds. Droplets of water starting to fall to his face until he can hear the drops getting louder, thus, more and more are falling. He heard Raph cursed in his breath. The weather is very unpredictable nowadays. He only felt Don’s tight hold around his stomach. He is still scared in motorcycles, especially in this one. It’s just that Don had no choice but to ask him to drive him home.

The rain became relentless and getting very heavy. Only two lights are his only guide to this wide, dark road.  
\---  
“Do you think Raph and Don will be okay?” April asked. She is lying on the couch with her head on Casey’s lap.  
“Well, I think Don still loves Raph even after what happened.” Casey sighed. “April...”  
“I had regrets in what I did. I… I only wanted Don to be happy and not in the misery Raph made him experienced.” April said, closing the book.  
Casey stared at April’s eyes. “Hey, Apes. It will be fine. If they loved each other, forgiveness had a big chance. I think Raph changed his ways. He is just scared to lose Don… Like what I risked when I had to reason out that night.” He said. It made April sadder.  
“But still, this is inevitable to happen. So I don’t blame you. I know Raph will do the right thing now.” He continued.  
\---  
Their journey is halfway. Flashes of memories are going on Raph’s head, their recent memories of being together. He knew after this, they will be strangers again, Donatello will have a big grudge to him and he will have a hard time communicating with him. His sight is blurred by small tears forming. There is a turn ahead. Raph tilted his motorcycle to turn, only then it got very slippery. Raph tries to gain control but he can’t turn the bike as it skidded. He heard Don shouting, his grip got tighter. He heard he is sobbing.

Not again. The history repeats itself!

“RAPH! RAPH!”

He heard the same voice, the same fear Don have two years ago. He felt the same adrenaline, the same scrambled mind he is having.  
He had to do the right thing. Even though this might be the end of them or they might escape death again but had serious consequences to themselves like two years ago. Raph sharply turned around, seeing the scared Donnie and in tears. He embraced him protectively, not caring what will happen next. They tumbled on the side of the road before the motorcycle crashed on a tree. Raph remembered the fateful event two years ago; Donatello is the one who covered him as the action showed he really loved him. At least he is able to return what he did. He only hoped that Don will know he truly loved him.

Don whimpered as he felt dirt, tired and had scratches caused by the tumbling. He panted and looked around, before focusing on the person beside him.  
“Raph?” He asked. He shook him, only to realize that there is a pool of blood. His eyes widened. Panic surged to Don’s veins. He shook him harder.  
“Raph! Raph!!!” The turtle started to cry as it sinks on him that Raph seemed lifeless.

 **“RAPH!** ”  
\---  
Slash is practicing their new song that Mikey had written. Being the sappiest couple ever because Leo and him are together again. The Mikester wrote a slow rock song.  
Timothy is delighted as his comics are getting a good progress. The comic is about four turtles living in the sewers. They are being trained in ninjutsu under their father rat. The band teased him much by the idea but acknowledging it that their member had a wide, wild imagination. He already released the first issue and gathered good impact despite some comments is similar to what is his band members had said before. He is delighted by the giggles Mikey produced while sweet smell of food is in the air. He is definitely cooking food for Leo, who is still resting on his bed. He heard a boastful comment from Casey about his hockey skills to April. Unlike the weather, the aura inside their simple tour bus is improving well. He stared at the window. The rain is pretty strong, really sending a message to remain inside.

April is giggling along to Casey’s jokes as her phone rang. She laughed as she picked it up.  
“Hello, April here. Don? Don?! Are you alright?! Where were you?!...” Her eyes widened.  
“WHAT?! Okay. Okay. We’ll get there. Just calm down, we’ll be there.” She quickly closed the call.  
“April, what’s the matter?” Casey asked, feeling nervous by April’s actions as well.  
“Raph… We have to get there, Case! They are in a hospital!” Her shout made the other band members get the message and started to get frantic to drive off.


	19. I Remember You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Embrace (TMNT) BAND AU  
> Chapter 19: I Remember You by Skid Row
> 
> Note/Warning: Tcest (RxD, LxM), Rock band stuff, OOC-ness, bad language, tragic stuff, mature stuff, music will vary on degrees. Also, this is unbeta'd.
> 
> Inspired from AmorTortuga's Time To Pretend fanfic!
> 
> I wrote a story in the same song title as well. This song is one of the concept songs in the Embrace plot.

He felt his head swirled at the lights inside the hospital. The band members arrived after six hours of nerve wracking journey. His eyes are too tired from crying. The moment Mikey and April saw Donnie; he can’t keep his posture any longer. He cried on their arms as they embraced him.

While on the journey, Mikey is the one who did the calls of moving their gigs in a later date as Leo is too weak to do his job. Michelangelo then realized this job needs to be very attentive. No wonder Leo is a busy leader every day. Upon hearing the news, Leo wanted to do the job and is worried to his band mate, even though they argue a lot. To Mikey, Raph and Leo are like twins with opposite personalities.

The doctor came out after almost 8 agonizing hours of operation. The bands flocked around him as silent befallen. He announced that Raph is outside danger zone and is in the healing stage. When he is waking up is undetermined. Don’s world crashed down when there is a possibility that Raph will not remember anything.

Amnesia.  
The same thing that happened to him two years ago.

He is not the only one whose world got crashed down. Their friends and also, band mates as well. Raph will have to go back to square one. His life and career wise.  
They have nothing to do except to wait and hope that Raph will be fine.

A week had passed. Don is still beside the patient. He had a bandage around his head and still unconscious. The band vowed to keep an eye to Don especially April, as she is still his guardian. April can’t blame Don, she felt and knew that Don had the old and new feelings to Raph. Don’s anger was completely forgotten, only to show in sadness and fear, the fear of losing his love.

Mikey still advising Leo to rest despite how stubborn Fearless Leader is. All of them are taking shifts to accompany Don with the exception of Leo because of Mikey’s request. It’s like Donatello is in the other dimension, he didn’t reply or acknowledge whenever someone talks to him with the exception of the hospital staff. The bands requested privacy in their official statement but flocks of the fans, mostly are guitar enthusiasts are outside the hospital, hoping that the lead guitarist will be okay.  
\---  
Don spent the days and nights contemplating, thinking about Raph’s actions this past year. He only sighed as he rubbed his thumb to Raph’s hand.  
“I made some soup.” Mikey said, smiling. Though, his smile is not as radiant as it was before because Raph is still not waking up for almost two weeks. Everybody is very affected to what happened. Leo will be stressed out in moving the schedules if not for Slash’s intervention as they don’t want another band member incapacitated.

“It’s my entire fault.” He finally spoke, making Mikey looked at him before focusing on arranging the utensils at the side table. He can hear Don’s shaky breaths. Don is on his limit after two weeks since the incident. Mikey felt Don is the strongest person, he withstand Raph’s usage and manipulation to him, he had an amnesia two years ago and now, he is still able to hold all his emotions after the outburst the time they had arrived. Mikey wished he is as strong as Don but he knew Don doesn’t think of that the same way.

“It’s not your fault.” Mikey sighed. ”It’s no one’s fault. Raph wanted to change and he knew the consequences. I’ll do the same thing to save Leo.” He spoke. “Raph does not want to see you like this, Donnie. He wanted his nerd to be happy and safe. You know, I’ve never seen Raph this happy. I always thought he felt something missing in his life and finding substitutes to fill that void.” He stared at the ceiling. He knew he got Don’s attention now. “Then, he finally found the one. You’re the only one who pulled his heartstrings.” Mikey gave the bowl of mushroom soup to Don, Don slowly accepts it.

“I keep observing the time you two met again, Raph felt you colored his life, you painted his love to you. I never saw him having devotion to anyone that powerful. He is faithful, always is, to his friends, although it’s not obvious. To his band… And to you.” He said and watched Don starting to take a spoonful of the food. It’s been days since Don had eaten. He only ate a little or nothing at all. Michelangelo is glad there is progress.

“I can’t blame your feelings. For me, they are justifiable and valid. I just hope that you acknowledged his presence to you. I think Raph accepts that you don’t trust him. But still, this action he did-”  
“I love him…” He whispered. Mikey blinked and sees a broken man. “I still do.”  
Mikey smiled.  
“I suggest you say that first when he wakes up… With amnesia or not.”  
\---  
It’s been three weeks and the band members are slowly losing hope. The so called “corporate goons” labeled by Casey, is getting irate, threatened to terminate their contracts. The band stood their grounds. This is their friend who is bedridden. They already accepted the hard truth this might be their last leg of their career but as long one of them is alright, they are fine with it.

Donnie still stayed beside Raph. He still talks to him, holds his hand and kisses his cheek. He sometimes tells stories and sings. There are times he is encouraging, there are times he is depressed and there are times he cried, begging for him to wake up. And this is one of times.  
“Raphie…” He sobbed. “Wake up for me please… I don’t care if you don’t remember anything. I want to see your eyes again...”  
“I… I admit I’m not ready to forgive you… I’m sorry…” He rubbed Raph’s hand.  
“But… I love you… I still am. Please wake up… For me? Our friends are worried to you… Especially Leo.” He smiled as they knew they were like yin and yang.  
His smile faded as Raph is still not responding. His tears threatened to fall again. “I loved you before, Raphie… And I still love you...”

“Hnnghh…”  
His eyes widened. He heard Raph grunting. He saw Raph slowly rousing! “Raph! Raphie?” Mikey, April and Leo heard Don’s screams and quickly went inside.  
Those clear eyes, he saw them once again. Raph groaned as he tried to move, his muscles need a little shake from being bedridden for so long.  
“Raph? Are you okay?” Don asked. Once Raph became fully awake, he just blinked.

“Who are you?” He asked, grunting at the pain on his head.

Everybody froze, especially Don, so what they feared had happened. Raph doesn’t remember anymore. Same as Don two years ago. He had amnesia.

“What am I doing here?” He asked again and then looked around with confusion etched on his face. Everybody is sad for some reason. “Who the heck are all of you?” He is still a little groggy.

“... I’m Donnie…” He hiccupped. April only held his shoulders, she remembered Don is like this two years ago and it’s very hard to accept that the one you loved dearly doesn’t remember you. It took her months to get Don’s trust again and became friends with him.

“... I’m your friend.” He continued, his tears are leaking down. This made Raph got more confused. “Hey, are you crying? What is going on here?” Raph asked once again.  
“He is glad you’re awake, Raph.” Leo said. Raph looked at the leader. He grunted, squinted his eyes, and seemed that he is displeased to Leo’s reply or… To Leo himself. It’s amusing that even without memories; he still had a rivalry with his band mate.

They realized Raph’s eyes got heavy again and slept again. Raph stared at Donnie “... I don’t know you… All of you...” He lastly said before dozing off again to heal more. The whole room became silent once more.

Donnie broke down again. Mixed emotions are giving him a rollercoaster feeling. He is not the only one who had a devastating feeling. The leader told the other members as well, it made all of them distraught as Raph had amnesia now. They had a big band meeting, as much as Don doesn’t want to go, he had to as a band member.

Leo sighed. “You all know why we are all here.” Everyone is silent. “I will ask you all if we are going to continue this especially my band. But we’re all in this together, so I need all of your decisions… With Raph’s condition and our action to our sponsors, we have to decide. If we will leave this entire thing behind and have our own fates... We are going to have a concert next month with Raph or not. Probably our last. Are we going to continue this?”  
He looked at everyone with their heads down, their judgment in process. Don doesn’t know what to decide. He is leaning on the decision of giving up.  
“Yes. I will not leave my buddy. He’s a fast learner, I can teach him it all over again if he wanted.” Slash said. His eyes pierced to Leo while saying it.  
“Same.” Casey says. His arms behind his head and showed a slack posture. “I have no life besides my band, so the hell with it. From start to finish.”  
“Same as me. I mean, I have my comics as well. So I had no problem.” Tim commented.  
“Of course I say yes!” Mikey said, smiling. “This is what Raphie wanted, the music to continue...” Leo smiled at his mate.  
“We’ll finish this.” April said. Don looked at her, she seemed to be determined. “Don regained his memories. That makes me have hope that Raph will experience the same. There is always hope.”  
Don stopped. Yes, he did regain his memories. He did return to normal. He hoped so many times in his life, especially the time in that horrible two years ago. He hoped Raph will notice it. He hoped Raph will love him. He hoped to be together with him.  
“Don?” Leo asked. The bassist looked up. “Your decision?”  
“... Let’s do this.” Don answered. He smiled. Finally, he smiled. It’s been a while since he lastly smiled.

The bands started to rehearse. Of course, they took course in guarding and taking care of Raph. It’s been a week and he is still resting. The one who is in duty right now is Casey.  
“Hey buddy.” He said. “You might not remember me anymore. But I’m your human form.” He chuckled. “Don is waiting for you. We are all waiting for you. We want you to play with us, with memories or not. Who knows, you might remember after that concert. Everything ends happily, right?” He smiled. “But I don’t know. I really wanted to hope... But I’m still dreaded.” He confessed. “So buddy, I really wish you will remember me… Remember Don...” He said.

“Casey?”  
He turned around, seeing the peeking Donatello from the door. “Hey, gap tooth.”  
“Yeah, yeah, cave mouth.” He smiled. It’s been a while since he joked to his friends. The previous Don never does that as he never retained memories, like this one of them calling names. Casey saw Don with his guitar strapped around his shoulder and carrying his speaker and equipment.

“Finally, you’re here. I’m gonna be late in my date with April.” He said, picking his own guitar up and his small body bag.  
“You take care of my guardian or else.” Donnie threatened.  
“Wow, never heard you threaten before. You’re starting to get Raph’s attitude.” Casey chuckled and left.

Don bade goodbye as he placed his gear down. “Hey, Raphie.” He sat down and removed his bass guitar from his case. “I’m planning to practice here. But I’ll lower the volume, don’t worry. I hope you don’t mind.” He said. Raph didn’t respond. He only sighed. He positioned his bass guitar as he looked at the song list for that last grand concert. The first song… He knew this first song. It’s one of his favorites.  
The irony of this song… He chuckled. “You should be the one who must sing this to me.” He laughed again at the thought.

“I’m going to play now, Raphie...” He smiled. He started to flick his bass while singing softly.

Woke up to the sound of pouring rain  
The wind would whisper and I'd think of you  
And all the tears you cried, that called my name  
And when you needed me I came through

I paint a picture of the days gone by  
When love went blind and you would make me see  
I'd stare a lifetime into your eyes  
So that I knew that you were there for me  
Time after time you there for me

He tried not to cry again. He really did. These are probably Raph’s words to him if he really did change. He is close in forgiving him as he doesn’t want his heart to be broken by the same man.

Remember yesterday, walking hand in hand  
Love letters in the sand, I remember you  
Through the sleepless nights and every endless day  
I'd want to hear you say, I remember you

He stopped playing, trying to wipe his tears that is falling down. He sniffled and trying to keep himself together as he continued to play again.

We've had our share of hard times  
But that's the price we paid  
And through it all we kept the promise that we made  
I swear you'll never be lonely

He closed his eyes. He sings, hoping for Raph to hear it while playing the notes in his bass.

Woke up to the sound of pouring rain  
Washed away a dream of you  
But nothing else could ever take you away  
'Cause you'll always be my dream come true  
Oh my darling, I love you

He stopped and looked at Raph. He blushed and leaned closer to Raph, kissing his forehead. He smiled bitterly and continued to play the end.

Remember yesterday, walking hand in hand  
Love letters in the sand, I remember you  
Through the sleepless nights and every endless day  
I'd want to hear you say, I remember you

“... I remember you...”  
He stopped singing and playing. He looked at Raph. He swore he heard Raph spoke. His breathing got stopped and he saw his mouth move.

“I… Remember you...”  
His head moved slowly. Don quickly turn off and removed his bass and leaned closer to Raph.

“... Raphie? How are you feeling?” He asked gently, not to scare him off. He realized his actions before that caused Raph to get more confused and frustrated. He wanted to be closer to him again.  
Raph blinked his eyes and opened them fully. He looked around, and then looked at Donnie.  
“... I’m Donnie, do you remember me?” He asked, hoping he would remember his name even if he had no memory of what is his relationship with him.

The patient looked at him, seemed to be confused. “Yeah, Don. Of course, I remembered you.” Raph answered. He groaned as he let himself up.  
“Easy, Raph… You’ve been bedridden for too long.” He said, helping him rose up a little. Raph groaned then relaxed. “I’ll get you some food, okay?” Don said and supposed to take his leave.

“Don… That song is from Skid Row, right?” He asked. “Yes, Raph…” He answered weakly. (“He remembered other things but not his friends… Not me…”)  
“I used to play that song... Where are Leo and the others? Casey?” He asked.  
“They are in the-” Wait.  
Wait!  
That day. He only knew Leo and him. How did he learn Casey’s name?! And he remembered playing a song!

He remembered! HE REMEMBERED!!!  
Don rushed to Raph, holding his shoulders.

“What is your pet turtle’s name?” He asked quickly. Raph raised a brow. Don needs to know as he doesn’t want his hopes up.  
“... Uhh, Spike?”  
“What is my favorite topping in the bread?”  
“Uhh… Sweet milk. Don, what is going on?”  
“What did you gave me before in the library?”  
“... I gave you that necklace.” He said, pointing to the ring necklace around Don’s neck. “Donnie, what’s wrong- Oof!”

“Raphie! Raphie! You remembered! You remembered me!!!” He said, hugging the lead guitarist. Don is in tears, after weeks of Raph being out of commissioned and doesn’t remember him anymore when he woke up, then he finally had memories. “What is wrong, Don? I don’t get you. Of course, I remembered you… You’re...” He trailed off, embarrassed to say it. Don looked at him. Raph only whispered but the gaze is away. “You’re the one I loved.”


	20. Wonderwall

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Embrace (TMNT) BAND AU  
> Chapter 20: Wonderwall by Oasis
> 
> Note/Warning: Tcest (RxD, LxM), Rock band stuff, OOC-ness, bad language, tragic stuff, mature stuff, music will vary on degrees. Also, this is unbeta'd.  
> Inspired from AmorTortuga's Time To Pretend fanfic!

Because maybe  
You're gonna be the one that saves me  
And after all  
You're my wonderwall

-Wonderwall, Oasis  
\---  
Don got teary eyed. It made Raph panicked.

“Don, are you really okay? You’ve been asking me weird questions… Did… Did I do something again? I’m… I’m sorry, I’ll…” He released himself from Don’s embrace. It slowly sinks in about the accident, realizing he is in the hospital. “What happened?! Are you okay? Are you hurt?” Raph asked worriedly.  
“Raphie… Calm down...” Donnie reassured. “I’m alright, my scratches are healing.”

“Don… I’m here with the food you asked- Raph!” Mikey squealed. “You’re finally awake!” He said then remembered this Raph had no memory of who he is.  
“I’m sorry… I’m Mikey. I’m your friend.” He cheerfully introduced himself.  
“Yeah, yeah, Michelangelo, I know you.” Raph said, rolling his eyes. Mikey froze and looked at Don. Don only giggled and nodded.  
“Your memories… They returned back?!” Mikey shook Raph and hugged him. “You’re back, Raphie! You’re back!”  
“Mikey! Get off of me!”  
\---  
The bands are stunned at the revelation. As explained by the doctor, Raph had a temporary amnesia caused by the medicines as a side effect. They are never happier, their band mate is back! As usual, Mikey is reprimanding Leo about overworking as the tour will continue on the road. News broke up quickly and their fanbase is alive and exciting again.

Of course, the lead guitarist had to rest and recover. He is delighted that his personal nurse is the bassist.

“Are you feeling well, Raphie?” Don asked. “Yeah, Don. Not as worse as earlier. Man, my head is pounding.” He said. “It means the medicines are working.” Don smiled. Raph just looked at Don with a solemn face then into sadness.

“Raphie? Is something wrong?”  
“Nothing… It’s just…” He looked away. (“You are not mine anymore.”)  
Don’s face turned into a serious yet had traces of sadness. “Raphie… I’m… I’m not ready to forgive you yet… I’m… I’m very sorry… I really tried but… I can’t.”  
“It’s okay, Donnie… All that matters is you’re safe and well.” Raph said.  
“... You are free, Don.”  
\---  
“Leo, you should rest.” Mikey whined as he is massaging Leo’s broad shoulders and using his charms to convince him.  
“Just a few minutes, Mike. Now, Raph is awake and well, we had so many tours piling up.” Leo explained.  
“Let me help.” Mikey offered and embraced Leo from behind.  
Leo sighed. “Michelangelo-”  
“I just don’t want that event to happen again.” Memories of Leo coughing blood while he is in the cab flashing in his eyes. The times Leo is unconscious for days and very weak to even stand. “I’m sorry… I’m just worried.”  
Leo smiled and kissed Mikey’s cheek. “Fine. I’ll take a break.”  
“I’ll make you snacks!” Mikey squealed, making his partner giggled. When Michelangelo left, his phone rang.

Karai is calling him.  
\---  
“There! You got the riff, Red!” Casey smirked. They are in the living room of the bus, with their effects equipment out and their mini speakers.  
“Thanks for teaching me since your lead guitarist is… On medical leave.” April and Casey giggled. “It’s nothing, Red. And Casey Jones knows other instruments than bass!” He spoke with pride.  
The door banged open, making them startled. Slash went inside with bags of groceries and a quiet and contented Spike on his shoulder. He placed them on the table as Mikey is cooking a pizza for Leo.  
“Yeah, yeah. I got your things and snacks and stuff.” Slash said as they helped him empty the bags. “After this, I’ll go visit Raph. Don said he is tired of hospital food.” He grinned. “He preferred Mikey’s cooking than there.”  
“Alright, I’ll make a batch for Raph.” Mikey said before delivering the pizza to Leo. He heard Leo is talking to someone but stopped his tracks when he heard Leo saying…  
\---  
“Karai.”  
“Yes, it is true. Mother gave him the blessing.”  
“Really? I really tried… I really tried to love you. But... ”  
“I know, Karai.”  
“I don’t think he wanted to talk to you.”  
“I...” He sighed. “Fine, we’ll meet you with Michelangelo.”

Mikey waited for a couple of minutes before going inside.  
“Here you go. One special pizza for Leo!” He greeted cheerfully, making his partner smiled.  
“Thank you. This smells good.” He replied. “Come share it with me. I got some pop here.” He offered. “Okay but I’ll feed you.” Mikey said.  
“Alright then.”  
\---  
Don’s eyes widened and tears fell from his eyes again. He never heard those words from him before, especially when they broke up two years ago. He knew Raph is not lying to him this time because the old Raph will not let him go and will use to his advantage. The old Raph will only leave him if he is not useful anymore. Raph moved closer. “D-Don… I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make you cry-”  
“I’m yours, Raph...” Don spoke. “I’m always yours.” He hiccupped. “But…”  
“I know…” He whispered. “You needed time. I will not leave you anymore. I’m just here.”  
Don smiled and nodded. They both booped their beaks together as affection. They closed their eyes as they savored the good ambiance between them.  
“I ain’t gonna lie to you now. I’ll bet my life on it.” He said and wiped Don’s tears. Don only smiled and held Raph’s hand as affirmation. Raph curled his fingers unto Don’s.

“Man, I feel rusty in my guitar skills. I haven’t held a guitar since… Forever!” Raph exclaimed, making Don giggled.  
“Well, I made Slash bring some food and your guitar here. We have to practice you know.” He said. Raph laughed. “Well, back to work soon.”  
“You still needed to rest. We don’t want any amnesic episodes.” Don worriedly said. Raph remembered how careful and concerned Don is to his welfare. Some things never change.  
“No worries. I’m fine now.” Raph reassured. “Doctor said the dosage got lowered since I’m recovered now. You, on the other hand, must rest.”  
“Raphie, I’m fine no really- Ah!” He squealed as Raph carried him. He giggled and trying for Raph to let him go but the bigger turtle is laughing as well.

“Heh. What a nice sight to see.”  
The couple is surprised as they looked at Slash on the door. Don started to blush nonstop and hid on Raph’s shoulder.  
\---  
“So you’re Michelangelo.” The lady smiled and then sipped her tea. Mikey doesn’t know how Leo is able to convince him to meet up with this woman. He actually had mixed emotions about it. But mostly he is very livid.

Leo just looked at Mikey, who just remained silent. It is scary whenever a Mikey is silent. He is usually very friendly and entertaining.  
“Despite the abandonment of our arranged marriage, I’m glad you finally find the partner you wanted.” Karai spoke and sighed.  
“I’m so sorry. I enjoy your company but… I can’t dictate fate or my feelings.” Leo reasoned.  
“That sounded… So corny.” Karai chuckled. “I hope Michelangelo is able to fulfill your desires.”  
Mikey doesn’t get it why they have to meet her or what is the purpose. He observed the two conversed cheerfully. What’s the point of Leo bringing him here? Now he felt he is being ignored and he hates not having attention.

He can tell that Leo was lying. He did loved Karai before.

“Well, his cheerful personality really complements to your strict nature.” Karai added.  
“So you’re thinking I’m a clown?!” Mikey shouted.  
“Mikey, calm down! She is not implying anything like that.” Leo grabbed his arm to calm his mate.  
“Well then, I should take my leave. It is sure nice to get to talk to you again, Leonardo.” She smiled and left.

“Mikey, what was THAT for?” Leo asked. “She is an honorable member. She only wanted to bid goodbyes.”  
“You’re siding with her! And it so obvious you liked her.”  
“I’m not! We are getting wed soon, Mikey.” Leo reasoned. He doesn’t know why Mikey is acting like this. Wait… “Mike, are you jealous?”  
“Wha-! No!” He huffed. “Why does she have to meet us? You two converse so well like what’s the point of me being there- Ah!” He squeaked when his fiancé embraced him tightly. Mikey’s weakness is always hugs, especially coming from Leo.  
“It’s tradition for honorable members to give their blessing.” Leo said and released his hug. “She called me and wanted to meet us. I really tried to love her before, Mikey. But I can’t.”  
Mikey just stared at Leo and crossed his arms. The little turtle sighed. “Why does it have to be your tradition…?” He murmured.  
Leo blinked. “I’m… I’m sorry… I promised we will take things slow.” He held his hand. “And I know it is unfair… I’ll go with your terms from now on.” He said. Mikey only nodded and walked beside him.  
\---  
“Ah, I miss this.” Raph sighed as he held his red guitar again after so many weeks. He felt the newly replaced strings and the neck that has been cleaned.  
“Here’s your food now, Raphie…” Don came in while carrying a tray. He offered a burger to Raph before getting his cheeseburger, his favorite of course. “Wait…” Don said, making Raph stop to take the first bite. “You need to eat some soup first.” He said, making Raph whined.  
“Raphie… You’ve been unconscious for many days. You have to eat liquid so your stomach will get used to it.” He said. “Then, you can eat your burger.”  
Raph sighed. Well, his love is a medic after all. “Alright, doc,”  
Don smiled. “This is chicken soup, your favorite.” He said then offered a spoonful. Raph is delighted that there is a cutie dork that is taking care of him again. But he had to watch to his welfare as well.  
“After this, you’ll rest, okay?” Raph said while patting a space on his bed. It made the bassist blush. “A-Ah! No, Raphie! I’ll sleep on the bench-”  
“Sleep. Here.” He ordered. “You will not be comfortable there.” He continued but with a concerned tone. He had to choose his words right, Don is not forgiving him yet and he doesn’t want to make it worse.

Slash only looked at the couple. He knew Raph is having a hard time to convey his feelings to Don. In the shorter version, Raph wanted a cuddle. He snorted at the imagery. Mainly because he is there. Being friends with Raph for so many years, he used to conceal his feelings but not emotions. Slash stood up. “Well, I think I’m done being the delivery boy here.” The two looked at him. “I had to get back to work on our schedules. Leo is out today with Mikey.”  
“Wow, that’s a surprise.” Raph said. That’s new. Then, Slash took his leave, leaving the couple alone to have privacy.

Raph looked at Don. He seemed to be skittish again. “Look,” Raph breathed. “I’m not ordering you or anything… I just need a… Company.” He looked away. Don can see him blush profusely. Even before, Raph is not a showy type of person, especially in emotions that shows weakness.

“Alright...” He smiled and seated beside Raph. Raph opened the blanket for Don’s legs to get in. He scooted beside, giving Don space as Don lay down beside him. Raphael felt sleepy and unconsciously wrapped his arms around his boyfriend. Don squeaked a little but doesn’t show any struggle, he just remained there. Don smiled and rubbed his shell, Raph always likes that gesture as it calms him. It wasn’t long when Don slept too due to exhaustion.  
\---  
“Alo. Go to the concert next week… Kill him.”

“... Copy.”


	21. Paint My Love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Embrace (TMNT) BAND AU  
> Chapter 20: Paint My Love - Michael Learns to Rock
> 
> Note/Warning: Tcest (RxD, LxM), SEX!, Rock band stuff, OOC-ness, bad language, tragic stuff, mature stuff, music will vary on degrees. Also, this is unbeta'd.

Paint my love, you should paint my love  
It's the picture of a thousand sunsets  
It's the freedom of a thousand doves  
Baby you should paint my love

Paint My Love - Michael Learns To Rock  
\---  
Raph groaned as he yawned and rubbed his eyes to make him more awake. Between his arms is a cute Donatello sleeping. He blushed at the adorable turtle in his arms right now. He noticed the ring necklace in his shirt pocket. He is glad he didn’t throw it away.

He never felt anything like this before. He felt… Warmth.

“Hey, sleepyhead…” Raph purred at the smaller turtle as he is slowly wakes up.  
“Raphie…” He murmured. Raph leaned and kissed his forehead. Don smiled in return.  
“Come on, we have to eat and practice.” Raph said. Don stretched after, seemed that he had a good sleep.

While they are setting up, someone knocked the door and opened after.  
“Hey, guys.” April greeted. Behind her is Casey, holding her hand. “Seemed you had a nice sleep buddy there, Raph.”  
Don blushed in response. Raph only grinned. “What are you guys doing here?”  
“The doctor said you can get released after two days. Just don’t be brash.” April said.  
“That’s kinda a hard order.” Casey grinned.  
“Shut up, Case.”  
“Well, he had someone that will scold him if he does anything stupid.” April smiled. Raph blinked. “Wait… You… You are alright with me and Don?”  
“You saved Don. So I guess I’m alright to it. But it will all depend on Don now if he wants to or not.” April explained. “Well, no pressure.” Raph looked at Don and smiled. The bassist smiled back. “So, how are you two doing?”  
“Hmm...” April hummed and just showed them their hands holding each other.  
“Wait… You two are dating?” Don asked, his eyes widened. April nodded and blushed.  
“Speaking of which, April, we are going to be late to that deal signing.” Casey reminded. “Oh yes. Sorry! We really had to leave. We just dropped by here to bring some food and see how things are doing here. Leo said there will be a meeting here tonight. Things are already in motion and the others are all over the place for the concert to push through as much as possible. Tentative date of the concert is next week.” She said. “Tim and Slash are setting things at the concert venue. Mikey is assigned in the tour bus. Casey and I are in promotional things and Leo to the overall.”  
“Oh dear, I forgot I had to help set up security there.” Don said and stood up. But Casey stopped him. “Leo said you will stay beside Raph and take care of him. Make sure that he knows the song list.”

The couple bid their farewells and left.  
\---  
“That was going swell.” Casey chuckled while he is driving the car. “They slept together.”  
“At least Don is not avoiding, Raph. Or being skittish like before. It means he is treating him well so far.” April said. “I still don’t trust him… But he saved Don and he is working up for his forgiveness. He is improving somehow… And knowing Don for many years, it won’t be that much long to give his forgiveness to him. Don is too kind.”  
“Relax, Red. You’re talking about my buddy. In my perspective, knowing Raph, he always makes a way to get what he wants. We can go negative or positive in that one. This one he really is serious about it.” He replied. “I can tell. He is serious to his relationship to Don this time.”  
\---  
“Leo, here’s your tea.” Mikey said. He only heard a mutter of thanks and continued his work in the laptop. He frowned. “Leo~” He purred, wanting attention. Seriously, Leo needed rest. He’s been awake since last night. There we go again in Leo being a workaholic.  
“Mike, you know we had a lot of work to do.” Leo said, his eyes not leaving what he is typing.  
“Leo, you need to rest!” He said, getting irritated. Leo is the alpha but that doesn’t mean he had to do whatever he wanted all the time. “You are as worse as Don!”  
“I’ll be fine Mikey. I’m feeling better than last week. Quit being a mother hen.” He whined. Mikey squinted his eyes and turned Leo’s chair. It made the leader surprised, even more when Michelangelo sat on his lap.  
“Come on, Mike…”  
“No. You will not touch that laptop. I will not leave until you agreed to take a rest.” He stared at the bigger turtle. They remained in eye contact until Leo sighed. “Alright, Mike.”  
“Yeah!” Mikey squealed and bounced on him by excitement, which caused Leo to churr.  
Mike stared at him because of the sound while Leo covered his mouth.

“Leo… You-”  
‘It’s nothing, Mike. Now, get off of me.”  
“Nope.” Mikey said as he rubbed himself more to Leo.  
“Mike… You said… Unghh…” He moaned. “Stop.”  
“Nope, Leo. You are getting sexual deprived again…” Mikey said and purred. He massaged Leo’s shoulders. “You need to relax…” He said and then kissed Leo’s lips.  
It was once a sweet peck until it became a passionate dance. Leo’s hands wandered to Mikey’s back until he reached his rear and squeezed them.  
“Oh, Leo~” He purred as Leo continued to kiss his neck to his chest. Mikey can feel the bulge as his cock is slowly opening up inside his pants. Leo conquered his lips again with his while carrying him to their bed. Mikey is giggling as he tossed him down there and got pinned by his mate. Mikey embraced Leo while he is kissing his neck downwards to his plastron. Leo stared at his mate’s beautiful body being shown as he slowly removing his clothes before licking the half opened slit. Mikey groaned as it completely went out. Leo smirked as he captured Mikey’s lips again while pumping his dick.

Meanwhile, Mikey held to Leo’s firm biceps and tugging his shirt up. Leo chuckled and obliged to remove it over his head. He unbuckled his belt, revealing a hard, dripping cock. “Hard already, Leo?” He whispered and smirked. The alpha churred at such release and pumped Mikey’s penis faster, making him pant. Leo’s mind is locked up in lust and really wanted to ravish to this appetizing turtle.  
“Yes… Because you smelled delicious…” He grunted, making Mikey shiver. Leo reached up for the lube and placed generous amounts of it to his finger to prep his mate. The bottom turtle shivered by the cold and big contact of Leo’s finger as he properly stretches him. Leo continued to nibble his neck to his shoulders as slowly he places another lubed finger.

“F-Fuck… Leo~” The bottom turtle purred. His mate used the scissor motion for easier penetration by a bigger one. Once he is ready, Leo settled in between Mikey’s legs as he spread it wider. He stared at Mikey’s beautiful eyes and panted as he entered him slowly.  
“Ahhnn…” Mikey gasped at such bigness. Leo took it slowly until it is fully sheathed. Even though his whole body is begging for him to completely own his mate, he needed to make Mike comfortable enough. His mate nodded, giving him permission to continue. Leo pressed his forehead with Mikey’s as he slowly moves. He stared at Mikey mewling in pleasure as his thick girth going in and out of that tight entrance. They kissed together sensually and Mikey wrapped his arms around Leo’s neck. “Ah! Hnggh!” Mikey moaned when Leo paced his thrusting faster. He can’t stop churring and biting Mikey’s slender shoulders. Leo placed Mikey’s legs on his shoulders. They can only hear their moans, the slapping skins and the bed creaking.

Mikey can feel Leo’s precum inside of him sooner. When his mate aligned his hips in an angle, Mikey screamed in delight, Leo had hit that good spot. This is a signal for Leo to keep hitting it. The bottom turtle sees stars and being in euphoria every time Leo pushed his big cock. “Hnggh! Mikey!” Leo churred as he held Mikey’s hips, their bed shakes by fast and hard pounding he has as he is nearing his orgasm. “Leo!” Hitting his prostate many times had Mikey sent to the edge, his cock came out strings of semen splattering onto his plastron. It’s one of the times Leo made him cum without even giving him hand job stimulation. Leo never stopped his pacing, he grunted when Mikey’s entrance got tighter, leading him to bang his mate harder. Leo gasped as he released his cum into Mikey, numbing pleasure taking him over. The small turtle felt the warm seed inside of him as he embraced Leo tighter. The alpha turtle churred when he grinds his cock a little to Mikey’s ass to let out more cum before slowly pulling it out.

Leo collapsed to his bed and helped Mikey cleaned his plastron. Their legs are tangled together when Leo embraced his mate gently. The bottom turtle felt Leo filled him to the brim.

“I love you Leo...” Mikey said. “We will get wed soon… I can’t believe it that fate weaves us together…”  
“I love you too, Mikey.” Leo said. “I’m happy you chose me. It will be very soon, my love.”

He smiled when Leo kissed him and cuddled him before both went to a slumber.  
\---  
The two days had passed that Raphael was allowed to discharge from the hospital. News had broken in every media that the lead guitarist is back for the show. They are now in the car going to the tour bus. Don is busy in his phone as the Raphael fandom is getting exciting.  
“Heh… You’re on your blog again…” Raph smiled. “I still remember your URL.”  
The comment made Don blushing hard, stutters and just hid his phone. Raph just stared at him. “H-How did you k-know that?!”

“Don, I don’t mind. I just want to see it.” He said. After a few minutes, Don just laid his head on Raph’s shoulders. “You will not like it. It will only show how crazy people were… Especially what I am to you before.” He looked at the window. Another hurdle because of their past strikes again.

Raph extended his arm around Don’s shoulder. “Don… I am your biggest fan.” He whispered. Don is shocked and looked at him but he is staring at the window, obviously being too shy after saying it. He smiled and giggled softly. “You really are far different from what they had said to you.”  
“Well, I know I’m an asshole to everyone. I get it.” Raph said. He had crazy fans that he keeps shoving away. One keen example is to Don two years ago. Don had the power to destroy him because of what he did to him, but he didn’t. It made Raph realized Don really loved or held affections to him until now.

“But many people don’t know who you really are.” Don said. He moved closer, showing his phone to him. It had a lot of pictures of Raphael strumming his guitar, being on stage, being on interviews, everything! “Of course they didn’t know I’m in the band.” Don explained. “It’s kinda odd that I do things like these. I sounded creepy. Being a fan and all.” He continued.  
“Nah.” Raph replied.  
\---  
They arrived at the tour bus and everyone welcomed Raph’s comeback. They had a simple pizza party before going on their long rehearsal for their concert. While eating, Raph is happy that Don is practicing his bass guitar. He is viewing Don’s blog in his phone. He sighed happily as Don still continuing to update this blog despite what has happened. They still remained together, though Raph had to work up for Don’s trust to him. Guess it’s time to have appreciation to the bassist.

He started his own blog and it is all about Don.  
lovingdonnie.tumblr.com  
\---  
After weeks of many rehearsals, promotions and interviews, the concert day finally came. “Well, here we are once again to this stage.” Leo said. They all stood in the empty stage, a couple of hours left before the grand concert begins. “I’m so excited to sing again!” Mikey said with a lot of energy, as he is always been. “Well… Don’s lead guitarist is now out of medical leave.” Tim sneered, making the couple blush.  
“Wow, so many people watching us play… I started to get nervous.” April said. An arm was around her shoulder. “Don’t worry Red, you’ll be fine. As for me, I want to impress my girl with my guitar skills.” He smirked while wiggling his fingers. “Yeah, right.” April said but smiled after.

They all circled together. “We can do this, guys.” Leo said as their hands are all connected and on top of each other. “Octavarium and Agent Orange will rule the stage!” They raised their hands.

“YEAH!”  
\---  
The concert was jam packed. There were so many people, ranging from music enthusiasts to famous celebrities occupying the huge space. There are a lot of screaming fans all over. They had posters and messages carrying out, along with glow lights waving along as the show are slowly going to start.

“Good luck out there.” Mikey said while helping Leo adjusting his jacket. Leo smiled and gave a sweet kiss on his lips. “You, too. After this, we will finally get wed.” He said. It made Mikey giggle. “Yup. Finally.” He replied. He watched Leo go out the stage and do his thing.  
\---

“Hey, Don.” He heard a voice, making Don turn around. It’s Raph with his guitar on his shoulder. “You go rock that stage.” He said. Donnie smiled and nodded. “You too, Raphie.” He replied as they walked together to accompany Don to the stage.  
\---  
Two guests went inside the venue. They are black clothed and staring at the vocalist introducing the other band to play. One had a hat and the other had a hoodie. The band members went in to greet the crowd.  
“Mistress, I had found him. Target locked.”  
“It is not the time yet. I will give you the signal when the time comes. Be ready, Alopex.”

“Let’s start with a bang, guys! Here comes Agent Orange!!!”


	22. You and Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Embrace (TMNT) BAND AU  
> Chapter 22: You and Me by Lifehouse  
> Iris by Goo Goo Dolls
> 
> Note/Warning: Tcest (RxD, LxM), SEX!, Rock band stuff, OOC-ness, bad language, tragic stuff, mature stuff, music will vary on degrees. Also, this is unbeta'd.  
> Inspired from AmorTortuga's Time To Pretend fanfic!
> 
> Most of my stories really must have star crossed lovers. This chapter is a pinpoint as many things had happened that gives a big turn to the story!  
> Last Sunday, my friends are rehearsing some songs (they have a band) and they played "Iris". I started to write half of the plot while listening to them. They gave me a good idea as I have trouble to think of love songs. The original is supposed to be Leo and Mike with Iris, but I switched them because of the message ("Everything he does is beautiful..." Mike to Leo) and ("I just want you to know who I am" Raph to Don)

Lights illuminated the big stage as the first band is now starting to perform.

“Hi and welcome to the band Agent Orange! We’re happy that you all liked the performance!” Mikey shouted to the thousands of screaming people. April starting to strum her guitar again. The performance rises up the intensity higher and higher. The whole audience just chanting along to the lyrics of their songs. Even Leo and the others are enjoying the music. Raph is staring at the bassist. He is very impressed that Don shines on his own by his bass solos. It felt great seeing him performing on the big stage like what they used to do in being Shell Shocker.

It dawned on him, is there a chance for them to be a band again? They are currently happy in their state in different bands but the experience before was different. The Shell Shocker days were the golden era of his career.

Such the song “Welcome to the Jungle” made them jumped up and down, rocking like the concert of their favorite bands. By that perspective, it felt like the old days again, when they were fans and aspired to be like them.  
\---  
“This last song… Is very special.” Mikey said. “You probably heard about my… Uhh… Marriage with the vocalist of Octavarium.” He said. Even in the camera, his blush is very obvious. “This song is for him. He might have forgotten it but this is the song we listening during the first date.” The fans, particularly girls, are screaming and fawning at such sweetness.

What day is it? And in what month?  
This clock never seemed so alive  
I can't keep up and I can't back down  
I've been losing so much time

'Cause it's you and me and all of the people with nothing to do, nothing to lose  
And it's you and me and all of the people  
And I don't know why I can't keep my eyes off of you

Leo is in the backstage, watching his fiancé singing. He never had forgotten that song. As funny as it is, they had their first dating by watching the stars. They are sitting on top of Leo’s car, eating some ice cream. The radio just played that song. It became one of their memorable songs in their relationship.

Something about you now  
I can't quite figure out  
Everything he does is beautiful  
Everything he does is right

'Cause it's you and me and all of the people with nothing to do, nothing to lose  
And it's you and me and all of the people  
And I don't know why I can't keep my eyes off of you

“Thank you so much, guys!” The vocalist said before they go to the center of the stage and bowed down, finishing their performance.

The lights went down Mikey is carrying their equipment when he is being embraced by Leo.  
“Oh, hi Leo.” Mikey giggled. He knew this is because of the song earlier.  
“I never forget that.” He replied, causing his fiancé to blush. He released the hug and helped him carry the black bags.  
“You should go on the stage. The audience is waiting for the front man-” Mikey said but cut off when Leo’s lips went to his. When parted, Leo just smiled and left the stammered Mikey.  
\---  
The audience is back to excitement when the lights went back and the anticipating band is there. The lead guitarist started to play, followed by the drums. Suddenly, Leo ran across the stage to sing. The crowd started to jump, their hands is in the air, screaming the lyrics.

I'm born down in the dirt, born with mud in my eyes  
Born kicked in the teeth born a loser in life  
So put me on the pedestal so everyone can see  
And listen to the gospel of the living mockery.

The band Agent Orange are beside the stage, Tim and Mikey are screaming and jumping. April is recording them via a video camera. Don is just standing there, amazed by the energy that the band emits. April focused the camera on Raph.  
It’s so obvious Raph is showing off his skills to Don.

“Octavarium is back!!!”  
\---  
The concert is closing on its end after an amazing performance.  
Leo is sweating from the immense lights on the stage. He held the microphone and looked at the audience. They wondered why they didn’t pack up yet.

“The other band performed a song to a person and Octavarium will do the same thing.” Leo said. “I won’t tell you who, but one of us here dedicates this song to that special person he loved very much.” He said as the girls swoon over. “It’s not me, that’s the clue.” He smiled and chuckled. The lights dimmed down. Raph started to strum lightly.

And I'd give up forever to touch you  
'Cause I know that you feel me somehow  
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be  
And I don't wanna go home right now

And all I can taste is this moment  
And all I can breathe is your life  
When sooner or later it's over  
I just don't wanna miss you tonight

It set up a romantic atmosphere to the stage. What a great way to end a concert. Raph walked nearer and stopped beside Leo.

They all knew to whom the song is dedicated to.

And I don't want the world to see me  
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand  
When everything's made to be broken  
I just want you to know who I am

Donatello is smiling at the surprise song that is performed for him. Raph kept looking at him as the song progresses. April and the others can see the purple bassist blushing at such serenade. He remembered the moments that Raph showed his true self and love to him.

It is time.  
\---  
All in all, the concert is a big success. After all of the hardships, it is all paid off in the end. The team had started to pack out and the audience already left.

“It feels nice again to be on top of the stage.” Mikey said, interrupting Leo’s train of thoughts. “You did great earlier.”  
Leo smiled. “You sang a song for me,” Mikey blushed when he remembered his performance earlier.  
“I’m happy you liked it.” Mikey said. “Casey said you needed help?”  
“Yes…” Leo said as he goes nearer to Mikey and is on one knee. The moment he did, Mikey is shocked and giggled in response yet the tears are slowly appearing.  
Leo pulled out a box. “Mike, I’m sorry that it isn’t official. I’m sorry this is probably not the theme you wanted. But I really want to make it happened. I love you and I promise I will protect you.” He said.  
Leo is very nervous in the inside. He opened the box, revealing a beautiful golden band.

“I know I’m not the perfect guy but my heart is always yours. Michelangelo, will you marry me?”  
\---  
Raph and Don are behind the stage, watching Leo kneeling down in front of Mike.  
“Finally, Leo will make it official. Mike always tells me he dreamed of Leo asking his hand for marriage.” Don said, laughing. “He got pissed when Leo’s family just proceeded to the marriage without the engagement.”  
“So you told Leo about it.” Raph said. “Well yeah, but just giving him a reminder. I know Leo intended to.” Don said. He turned around to face Raph.  
“I really liked the performance earlier. Thank you.” Don smiled.  
Raph blushed in response and looked away. “I-I’m glad.” He stammered. Don held Raph’s hands and Don sighed. “What’s the matter, Don?” Raph asked. Don appreciated that Raph often worries to him.

“I forgive you.”

Raph blinked a couple of times, seemed not believing in what he had heard. “W-What?”  
Don just giggled. “I forgive you in everything. We are together now.” The bassist smiled. Raph can’t believe it, it all paid off! He felt a huge relief inside of him. His love had forgiven him for what all happened two years ago.  
Raph suddenly carried him, making Don squeaked and spun around in happiness. Don kissed Raph in the lips when Raph gently put him down again.  
\---  
“Yes!” Mikey shouted then he got embraced by Leo. He then placed the band on his finger.  
“Ah, look at them...” Slash said. He then glanced at the other side of Raph spinning Don around. He is glad that there is happiness in the band again.

“You two will never be happy!”

He sharply turned his head. It is a woman in the back of the stage. He squinted his eyes at a figure above the woman. His eyes widened.  
“Mike! Leo!”  
\---  
Upon the scream, Leo and Mikey looked. It is Karai!  
They saw a woman in black holding a gun above.

“Karai!”  
“Leo!”  
BANG!  
\---  
“After them!” Slash said as they chased the intruders with the security. They were so happy earlier, how fast the happenings had turned… Leo rubbed his head at impact. When his sight is back, he gasped at what he saw. He felt numb and chill.

Mikey is lying down in a sea of his own blood.

“MIKE!” He rushed towards his lover. He is the supposed target, not him. He cradled him. “Mike… Come on, Mike…” He tapped his cheek. He heard Don calling for help. “Help is on the way, okay?” He held his fiancé tight as intense worry etched on his face. There is so much blood.  
“Mike, please…” He begged.

“... Eo…”  
“Come on, Mike… Stay with me…”  
Don came with the medics around him.  
“Help is already here…” He said as he helped the medics lay Mike in the stretcher gently and followed to the ambulance.  
“F-Fate sure… Doesn’t want us together…” He whispered.  
“Y-You shouldn’t do that to me… F-Fight it, Mike.” Leo’s tears are threatening to fall.

“Y-You and… Me…” Mike smiled and sang a little before closing his eyes. Leo looked at the medics taking action quicker. His tears falling freely as he panicked. 

“Mikey! NO!”


	23. LSS

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Embrace (TMNT) BAND AU  
> Chapter 23: LSS - Stonefree
> 
> Note/Warning: Tcest (RxD, LxM), sex, Rock band stuff, OOC-ness, bad language, tragic stuff, mature stuff, music will vary on degrees. Also, this is unbeta'd.  
> Inspired from AmorTortuga's Time To Pretend fanfic!
> 
> I seriously can't choose a song so... (This song is perfect for the previous chapter haha)  
> Before peeps say anything, Leo left so he can finish the business with Karai quickly. He trusts and still hope that Mike will live as he knew Mike doesn't back down but its a 60/40 scenario. He is very worried to Mike but he had to take matters to his hands. Don't worry, Leo won't stay in Japan long.

The two suspects escaped fast and they aren’t able to track them during the chase. Leo just remained beside Mike. The doctors said that Mikey is in critical condition as he lost too much blood. No one dared talked to Leo, as he is too preoccupied in his mind. Ever since the admittance, he didn’t speak a word and just remained beside Mikey.  
Everyone is too shaken and didn’t have that night’s sleep.  
“Don, come on. You should take a shut eye.” Raph said. “I’ll wake you up when Mike has woken up.”  
“I… I can’t, Raph.” He answered. “I can’t leave Mike.”  
“Come on, Don. Just a nap.” Raph suggested. “… If you wanted to.” He followed. Don smiled. Raph is watching his words to not sound he is forcing him.  
“Alright, then… But I want my pillow and blanket.” He smiled a little. Raph is glad he is able to give a little positivity to Don. “Alright.”  
\---  
Leo’s eyes are too tired and soggy for crying nonstop. His band mates are very worried to his welfare. April had offered Leo to eat for Mikey’s sake but Leo declined. Their leader had worse stubbornness than Raph. They had to call for help.  
The next day, the door opened, revealing the Honorable and Lady Hamato. They felt the remorse of their son, he is sitting there, restless, waiting for his beloved to wake up and be better. Leo’s hand is shaking as Lady Hamato approaches. He is holding and staring at a box.  
“My son… We came here as fast as we could.” His mother said. “Your friends had told us what happened.” She followed. She bent down to Leo’s level. His eyes are flooding with tears again. All her life, he never had seen his son this miserable.  
“… Mama…” It’s been so long since he called her like that. She embraced his crying son. She patted his back for comfort. His father followed as well. They only wished them to be happy but it seemed fate had been not merciful once more. “It’s okay, my son. Michelangelo is a fighter like his mother. He will fight for you.” She said. Leo sniffed and sobbing more.  
“We just wanted to be happy. He did… Everything he can… To be with me.” He spoke. “He… He bought me tickets to watch Kabuki… He made me write songs…” He sniffed. “He took care of me… He… He made me happy. He made me feel I’m free… But he had to follow our rules… He didn’t deserve this!” He cried again.  
“It definitely isn’t, my son.” His mother said. “He loves you very much since the beginning. I would always favor him to be your partner than others.” She said.  
“I’m the one who supposed to protect him!” He said. “I’m the one that’s supposed to be there.” Leo sobbed once more. She remained hugged for almost an hour before Leo had fully calm down. She had also convinced him to eat a meal.  
Leo’s parents went outside after, to give Leo and Mikey some privacy.  
“Is he alright, Lady Hamato?” April asked.  
“A little…” He answered. “He… He is too shaken by what had happened. But I cannot blame him, as he loves Michelangelo very much.”  
“We won’t stay here for long. The Intel told us about the two suspects. They are reported to be in Japan. We had to return to settle the issue.” Leo’s father said. He placed his hand on Raphael’s shoulder. “I entrust you to him.” Raph nodded.  
\---  
Leonardo had heard the conversation. Karai. She is responsible to this!  
He sighed and held Mikey’s hand. He rubbed the band Mikey wore.  
“Get back to us, Mike… To me.” Leo whispered. “I want to see your beautiful blue eyes again. You have to wake up. We’re almost in what you wanted, being married… Being together under one roof.” He said. “I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with you… You held my heart, Mike.” He spoke.  
\---  
“I had a bad feeling.” Raph said while giving Chinese takeout to Don. “You seemed to have a good sleep.” Don smiled. “You said to have a good sleep.” Don smiled. “You said it’s supposed to be a nap.”  
“Well, yeah but I shook you and you still remained asleep.” Raph reasoned. “Oh.” Don said. “What do you mean by bad feeling?” He asked.  
“That Leo is going to do something stupid.” Raph said. The door opened and surprisingly they saw a determined Leonardo.  
“I’m going to Japan to settle some matters. April, you will watch him when I’m away. Call me ASAP when he is awakened.” Leo said and took his leave but someone stopped him.  
“Why are you going to Japan?” Raph asked. This is always not good. “You are just leaving, Mike? He needs you more than ever!”  
“I’m not in the mood to argue with you.” Leo said menacingly. “I have records to set straight. Don’t make me, Raph. Not now.” Leo said with serious intent. “You will do the same to Don.” He followed. The emerald skinned turtle just squinted his eyes.  
Leo just left without a word.  
“See? I told you. A bad feeling.” Raph spoke. He sighed.  
\---  
Earlier, Leo can’t stop thinking of the fast event that caused Mikey’s life to be in danger. He knew Mikey pushed him the moment he saw the gun pointing at him. Karai’s target was supposed to be him.  
He clenched his fists. Karai. He closed his eyes and unclenched his fists.  
“I’m sorry, my love.” He gently caressed Mikey’s cheek. “I’m sorry I never made you happy and made you abide to my family’s wishes… I’m… I’m sorry that I left you because of that. It is stupid of me to do so. Mikey, I have always loved you. I broke my promise that I will go to the end with you… I had brought you such suffering…” He choked, his tears forming. “Please wake up and come back to me.” Leo begged. He rarely begs or asks for something that isn’t related to work.  
“Thank you for not leaving me…” He muttered. Leo felt very lost without Mike. His whole world became a dull black and white.  
“Remember when I got really sick? I heard your voice… You said ‘don’t leave me’. You cried and cried… I hate seeing you cry especially if it is because of me. I fought to see you again. Follow my voice, Mike. Don’t leave me.”  
An hour had passed, Leo still remained beside Michelangelo. He stood up.  
“Mike, I will be leaving for a couple of days. It’s… It’s about this… I promise I will be back. I promise in my honor.” He kissed the patient’s forehead. “I love you.”  
\---  
“I’m really worried to Mike.” Tim said. The duty today is Casey and April so the rest of the band had rested to their tour bus for a while. Tim and Slash are in the living room while Raph and Don are in their room.  
“He will be fine, Tim. Mike’s a fighter.” Slash said. His memories are flashing in his head. Mikey is a spirited, little guy, who is definitely head over heels to Leo. They were young when they started Shell Shocker. He was their bouncer before Raph met him and became Raph’s best friend. The two are dating and Mike really does his best to make Leo happy. Sometimes he is annoyed to Leo when he is stoic and less responsive to Mike’s affections.  
“I just felt sad that this tour had so many bad vibes.” Tim spoke.  
“I can’t blame you for that.” Slash replied. “I won’t be surprised if the higher dudes wanted to finish this tour.” He looked at the saddened Timothy. “Sorry about that.”  
“Nah, I just want to enjoy this as much as we can, you know?” He said.  
“Yeah.”  
\---  
“Thank you for the food earlier, Raphie.” Don said. They went back to the bus as it felt stuffy in the hospital after staying there. Raph had bought some meal along the way.”  
“No problem to that.” He smiled as he seated beside Don. He had finished taking a shower.  
“… Don…” Raph trailed off.” Don looked at him and felt Raph is gotten shy again.  
“What is it, Raph?” Don asked. “It’s okay.”  
“I… I can’t believe you… You had forgiven me.” Raph said. “I’m…” He stuttered. Don just smiled and held his hand. “I know…” He laid his head on Raph’s shoulder.  
(“I’m… Happy.”)  
\---  
Sakura petals had fallen down as Leonardo walked by. He is in full attire with his family’s crest which is the sakura. His two swords are strapped on his back. A dojo is slowly being in his view.  
He entered the dojo and closed the door.  
“You have arrived, Leonardo. What a surprise.”  
A figure emerged from the shadows. A lady is wearing a red kimono. She had a pair of swords as well.  
“I would take a guess why you are here. It’s either… You wanted to capture me or… Taking revenge because your fiancé is dead.”  
Leo’s hand gripped to the handle of this sword.  
“Ah, seemed I missed the target. It should’ve been you.” Karai sheathed her sword. “But I think this setup is better.” She said. “As I will finish you myself.”  
Leo unsheathed his sword.


	24. My Sacrifice

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Embrace (TMNT) BAND AU  
> Chapter 24: My Sacrifice by Creed
> 
> Note/Warning: Tcest (RxD, LxM), sex, Rock band stuff, OOC-ness, bad language, tragic stuff, mature stuff, music will vary on degrees. Also, this is unbeta'd.
> 
> Inspired from :amortortuga's Time To Pretend fanfic!
> 
> I was so busy these past months so I just uploaded this haha this was written last month. Right now, I'm juggling to write between Exist and Home. I just had a new job so things went pretty fast and drains my energy. My new job is so office themed and I really wanted to write more Office AU haha

It has been an hour and the opponents are still matching blow by blow. Karai is not a weak enemy. She is definitely one of the most challenging foes he matched.  
“Why are you here Leo? You are sure a lousy partner, abandoning a hospitalized fiancé for his gain.”  
“You are going to pay in what you did.”  
“I didn’t shoot him. Alopex did.” She taunted.  
“Under your command, Karai!”  
Karai charged at Leonardo.  
\---  
It is now Raph and Don’s duty to watch over Mikey, who is still recuperating but isn’t waking up yet. Raph is currently buying some food and coffee outside.  
“Mike… You have to wake up.” Don said. “Leo is not himself since we stayed here. He is much blinded with anger. Raph is currently contacting Leo’s parents to find him.” He held Mike’s hand. “I’m afraid… He might do something foolish.”  
\---  
“And why are we going to clean Leo and Mike’s room? It’s like a disaster there.” Casey laughed. April only smirked. “Well we have to prepare their room. I know Mikey is going to wake up.” Casey only smiled and opened the door.  
“Oh, dear.”  
There is a lot of clutter in the half side of the room. Even the walls and ceiling are so dirty.  
“Well, we better get started. Then, pizza break.”  
After an hour cleaning, it felt like they went to the gym for two hours by so many things to clean.  
“I really needed a shower after this.” April said as she cleaned the bed under. “What’s this?” She picked up a blue notebook. Casey stopped cleaning to look at it as well. “It’s a diary!” Casey giggled. “I didn’t know Mike had a diary!”  
“Well, this is privacy. We better not read any- Hey! Give it back!” April exclaimed. Casey just laughed and making his arm stretches so April will not reach the notebook. He flipped it open. “Let’s see what secrets we could find.” Casey read but stopped. April stopped as well when Casey got surprised.  
It had a lot of pictures of Leo.  
\---  
Swords are clashing nonstop in the dojo. Leo is panting to exhaustion, as same as his opponent.  
“I can’t believe you left your fiancé to die. Such loyal pet you are.” She sneered. Leo growled and charged. He disarmed Karai’s sword. His opponent was surprised but he did a stance and unsheathed his shorter sword. Karai attacked Leonardo. By the much lighter and faster agility, she disarmed Leo’s katana.  
“He is going to die… And so are you as well.” She laughed as Leo got his last sword and advanced.  
\---  
Casey and April finished cleaning and started to read Mikey’s book. The notebook is all about Leonardo. He placed their pictures when they were kids to teenager to adulthood. There are also written entries of Mike’s admiration, hopes and dreams with Leo.  
\---  
_Leo and I are together! I’m just happy that he loves me too. I’ve loved Leo since I was a kid. He is like a hero, caring and kind._  
\---  
_Apparently, his family didn’t favor me and I must impress them for their approval. I do not know any ceremonies or traditional event but I can do this. I can show them how much I loved Leo. I did everything I could but I think making Lady Hamato entertained and happy during her bed rest after an accident made the family impressed._  
\---  
_It is Leo’s birthday! I finally had the chance to give this to him. It’s my family heirloom, I guess. Well, that’s what my mother told me. I found it in the basement when I was rummaging through stuff. I thought it will a fine gift to him! I hope he likes it, he loves swords after all._  
\---  
_I wasn’t able to give my gift to him… When I got there, there are a lot of swords given as gifts to him. They are all beautiful. I didn’t give it to him. I know Leo is not happy that I didn’t give anything. It ended to a quiet dinner with him._  
\---  
April noticed the page had smudges and spots that showed that Mikey was crying when he wrote it. She flipped a few more pages.  
\---  
_Leo had agreed to go to the convention with me! This will be so great! He is awesome in being Li Mu Bai! We ate some soba and sushi together._  
I had bought him a turtle plush. When I returned, I saw Leo talking to a lady.  
On the way home, he revealed she is his supposed to be arranged marriage. I did not know why he had kept that secret to me. I was angry and I left him in the car. Thugs appeared while I was walking and attacked me. I got sliced in my arm when Leo came and saved me. Having a samurai boyfriend with judo training really helped.  
I’m very upset to him but… He looked very worried. It’s really rare to see Leo panicked that much.  
When Donnie treated my arm, I just stared at the plush and the tickets to see his favorite opera show. Leo did go inside when I woke up and sang a song to me. It’s really sweet and it is our theme song.  
I forgave him and we did… Stuff.  
\---  
_Watching the opera was an experience. I don’t understand deep Japanese but Leo gave me a brief summary to it. It’s just sad that popcorns are not allowed there and I had to wear those hot clothes. But Leo is very happy so I’m fine with it. I gave the plush as a gift and he loved it._  
\---  
April knew that Mikey is always cherishing and loving Leo, despite the lack or less of showing compassion by the other. She knew Leo loved Mike but his expressions are more passive. She turned more pages.  
\---  
_I’m very happy Leo is better now! The gods are very kind! We spend the day cuddling on the bed. I’m too tired after three days of not sleeping. I made sure Leo ate and took his medicines. He sleeps with the turtle plush right now._  
\---  
_I had a very, very bad dream last night. It’s probably my worst nightmare. It is not about evil pizzas that are trying to eat me._  
I was sitting on a cloud, as weird as my usual dream sound. I heard a loud voice. He told me that Leo’s dying. He told me there is a way to save him.  
If I take his place.  
He told me if I chose to, Leo will be wed to Karai. He will have a good life and be contented. If I didn’t, Leo will die, causing a big loss to the clan. But I will get accepted as a family member and as Leo’s partner. Of course I chose to replace Leo. I want him to live a happy life.  
I sometimes think he is unhappy in being with me. I had to work hard to save and to show I’m a reliable partner to Leo. I had earned enough money to commission a gift. I’m planning to give it to him after the wedding. I bought him a shamisen. Finally, I’ll be able to fulfill my promise.  
When Leo and I were kids, he saved me from bullies by using his shamisen as a weapon. He is a little sad that his favorite instrument broke. Since then, I promise to replace his shamisen.  
I learned that the instrument is expensive! I know Leo had a high regard of taste in things. I had to make this gift special. I started earning a few pennies till I had a decent job to make a bank account. I worked myself for the extra money to earn.  
\---  
“Oh, Mikey.” April smiled but tears formed in her eyes. Casey just held his arm around her shoulder for comfort.  
“Mike will be okay.” Casey said. “After all, he had to give his gift.”  
\---  
The two warriors are very spent after delivering their strikes nonstop.  
“Let’s end this, Leonardo!” Karai shouted and prepared her stance. Leo positioned himself for the final blow.  
They both ran towards each other. Karai’s sword clashed to Leo’s. At one strike, Leo is able to disarm Karai’s sword and his sword is placed next to her neck.  
She knelt down.  
“Finish me.” Karai said. Leo didn’t respond or move. “If you spare me, I will kill Michelangelo.” She threatened. Leo squint his eyes and raised his sword.  
Karai only closed her eyes.  
Leonardo’s wrist flicked and does a one swipe.  
A ringtone was heard. Leo stopped his sword inches from Karai’s neck.  
That special tone. Leo knew that tone. He quickly reached his phone. His heart beats fast as he pressed the button and placed it on his ear.  
“… Eo… Leo…”


End file.
